Babies

A strange series of events prompted me to write this entry, something I always knew I would do, but just didn't know when...........

But first, some history......many people don't know this but I had a miscarriage between my pregnancies with Hayley and Hannah. I was seven weeks pregnant and had already spread the happy news to my family and friends. Sadly, that pregnancy ended, and the absolute worst part of it all was the "untelling". It went on for months, because I had told so many people, that I would run into someone months later who would eye me suspiciously and say "aren't you....?" to which I'd have to run down the whole story again. It was a really sad and confusing time for me, but happily I got pregnant with Hannah just two months later, and so I had something else to occupy my time and emotions. On Mother's day that year, I was very pregnant and had mixed emotions because that would have been my due date with the previous pregnancy. But there I was, six months into another healthy pregnancy, so I had a lot to be happy about as well.

Lucky for me, my next pregnancy, with Harrison, was also healthy. And then I was "done" - I had my girls, I had a boy, and I thought my family was complete. But life throws us curveballs, and how was I to know I'd get divorced, remarry, gain a bonus daughter, and start to think about having another baby? Of course, having a baby is something Jeff and I talked about, as any marrying couple would, and the possibility was still there for us. But as our lives slowly untangled themselves from divorce proceedings to adjusting to a new, blended family, adding another baby to our brood seemed an impossibility, or at the very least, an improbability. And we were both getting older. So, we had to decide - baby or not? We decided baby but that didn't work out like we planned. So we sought help in the form of the dreaded fertility clinic! We did medicine, shots, and finally an IUI (intrauterine insemination) which was unsuccessful.

There was talk of a surgery - to remove a dermoid cyst I had on my left ovary. We had been watching it for a couple of years and I finally felt it was time to get it out and just be done worrying about it. The cyst was wrapped around my ovary and the doctor said it would be a much less complicated surgery if we removed the ovary along with it. Figuring I didn't "need" that ovary anymore (seeing as it appeared we could not have a baby together), I opted to have it removed. The surgery was successful.........and ten days later, I got pregnant! I did not discover this until my post-op visit, at which time my jaw hit the floor. I had a mixture of emotions - fear, disbelief, total joy. We finally got what we wanted so badly! But sadly, that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage last November. We had discussed all the different ways to tell the kids, who so badly wanted a sibling, and had decided to tape ultrasound pictures into a gift box, wrap it up, and put it under the Christmas tree for the kids to open. We would explain it was a gift for the whole family and watch their faces as they realized they were finally getting THE gift they'd been asking for all this time. Needless to say we were SO excited about this, and then it all suddenly ended. And we didn't know what to say. To anyone. Because we didn't TELL anyone. The only people who knew were my doctor, us, and the bartender at The Rock (because I went out with my friends and had to ask him to "fake" a drink for me, because I wasn't ready to tell them I was pregnant and did not want to raise suspicions!). We simply did not tell anyone else, choosing to wait until Christmas to tell the kids first. So, it seemed weird to even bring it up to anyone else at that point. It was just something Jeff and I dealt with ourselves. I always KNEW I'd tell my family and friends, but when is a good time to say "oh, by the way, I WAS pregnant but I'm not now"? Next thing I knew, time went by...........and here it is, a whole year later.

I noticed I'd been thinking about it a lot and realized it's been a year so it seemed natural to think about what would have been near the one-year anniversary of that sad day. But we also learned that Arlie's mom just found out she's pregnant. So, of course, it made us sad that we can't give Arlie that ultimate gift of a sibling that she's been so wanting, but her mom can. And it made me sad that Jeff just has one child. Because I know he's always wanted more than one child. And I can't help but wonder why it hasn't worked for us? I never had any trouble getting pregnant before, and we've been checked out every which way and there does not seem to be a good reason why we can't get pregnant, but now that I'm almost 42, it seems my fertile days are behind me.

Sure, there are a MILLION reasons why having another baby at our age and stage in life is completely crazy (not the least of which is the fact that we already have four healthy children). But if there's one regret I have, it's that we couldn't give our kids a sibling, and have our own baby that would tie us all together. What a beautiful gift that would have been for us, such a neat way to complete our family! I so wanted to give Jeff another child and raise a child with him from birth - OUR baby. And we had those two blissful weeks where we planned and dreamed and laughed about the fact that it was really happening. And then it was over. So, a year later, it's hard not to think about what would have been, even though we are forever grateful for what we do have - four beautiful kids! It's just that a baby in this family would have been so loved and so cherished and woven a common thread through us all. But it wasn't meant to be. I wonder if you are ever really at peace with that? The what-ifs and could-have-been's go on forever. All I know is, a baby would have been the best gift we ever could have given our kids and ourselves, and it would have been a very loved baby, indeed.

Red Hot Romance..........

Dueling Laptops

Remember when you brought me flowers?

Remember when we talked for hours?

Red-hot dates and scrumptious dinners?

(Before all that, we were much thinner!)

Bed and breakfasts, weekends away

Time together, those were the days!

Now we sit, you, me and our Dells...

Snuggled in bed and all is well!

You look up parts for your rusty old Ford

I veg on Facebook and I'm never bored...

Our son comes in and says, "Oh wow!"

"I gotta get a picture of this right now!"

He says "send it to Dell and make some money"

and I say "that's not a bad idea, honey!"

I could use a million bucks

And you could finally restore your truck!

Ah well, I know it's just a dream

so we live our lives (and we live it lean!)

At least we have our computers for fun

Me, my Dell and my chosen one! :)

Love you, honey!

Random stuff.......

Today at coffee, I saw a woman put TEN Equal sweetener packets in her coffee. She had a system -tear two at a time, pour into coffee, lick the packages, throw in trash. It was disgusting and just a little bit disturbing.......

Harrison came home and said he HATES his school picture....funny, the girls all liked theirs. How's that for role-reversal?

The kids and I got swine flu vaccines this week. I hope they don't discover some horrible side effect or we're screwed.

Yesterday at work I watched a show called "The ABC's of Hip Hop" and I learned to "put a little attitude" into my workout.........wha'd you say? wha'd you say? I said I don' know.....big hug! You'd have to see it..........but I showed off my new moves to anyone who would watch.....

I bought satsumas at the store and put them in the fridge. When I was done I had this nifty mesh sack, so I pulled it tight over my face and went around scaring people by pretending to be a criminal. When I exhausted that fun, I tucked my hair into it and pretended I was a lunch lady. I served dinner in it. Who says grownups can't play make believe?

At my job this week I've been simultaneously offered a booger and a hug. I chose the hug.

I have stitches in my back......

I still send juice boxes in my high-schooler's lunch. Is that dorky?

Hayley made the most delicious chocolate/butterscotch chip cookies this week. I've eaten like 20. I MAY have a little problem........

I have to post something today because it's Thursday and my husband only reads this on Fridays and only because he puts it on his Outlook reminders. How's THAT for being interested in my blog?

*$&%^ or Swearing When You Have Kids in the House

I swear. No, I mean, I really do swear. You know, I cuss - I say all the cuss words I know on a fairly regular basis (well some are reserved for special times). And my kids are constantly calling me on it. Now, when they were much smaller, I couldn't say ANYTHING without having it repeated, so I had to learn to hold my tongue. But who hasn't let a shit or damn slip out and have a precocious toddler repeat it? Once, when Doug was changing a lightbulb, it popped in his hand and he reacted with "Son of a bitch!" For two months after that Hayley, then 2 years old, went around saying "bitch, bitch, bitch" at random. She finally put two and two together and one day, when she was mad at me for saying no to something (another Barney video? no Pop-Tarts for dinner?) she slapped me on the backs of my legs and shouted "BITCH!" Excellent. But I did try to hold back when they were smaller. However, at some point, kids cross that line between repeating everything and KNOWING they are not supposed to say certain "bad words". And then they become the swear police. Their eyes grow wide and they give a little gasp and say "Ohhhh, you said a SWEAR! (or "the S word" or "the B word" or whatever)" I find it amusing, and I certainly do not want my children swearing, but I say it's my choice as a grown-up to swear or not. It's not like I'm slinging the F word around every five minutes. But shit, damn, hell, bitch, ass........those are sometimes just more descriptive that shoot, darn, h-e-double hockey sticks, beeyotch and bum. For a while there was a debate in my house as to whether "crap" was a swear word and could you say it? And I explained it this way - it's not a "swear word" per se, but it doesn't sound very nice when a little kid says it. (You may argue here, that it doesn't sound very nice when a grown-up says it, to which I will say shut the hell up you judgemental freak!). Anyway. Now that my kids are a bit older (and have taken the liberty to include "crap", "sucks" and "beeyotch" into their daily language), I find myself not censoring as much. As in (while child is in front of the TV), "mom can you get me ______" to which I might reply "Get off your ass and get it!" I mean, really? I COULD say "darling, could you please get it yourself?" but that might sound like "por favor, yo quiero Taco Bell". Basically speaking a foreign language. Because that's just not me. I know, I know, the parenting books all SAY to model good behavior etc. But my parents swore like sailors and I NEVER swore in front of them until I was an adult. So, I knew my limits. And my kids do, too. Maybe they swear at school occasionally (although I know for a fact that Hannah's friends make fun of her for NOT swearing), but as long as they talk respectfully to adults and don't swear in front of them, I'm fine with that. When I occasionally go off on one of my crazy banshee cleaning frenzies I might shout "THERE IS TOO MUCH SHIT IN THIS HOUSE!" but it's TRUE. You know, that stuff you just can't categorize, like plastic skeletons, sticky spider webs, miscellaneous marbles. It's just SHIT. That sums it up nicely. I remember once Harrison, age 3, walking into the family room while we were watching TV and saying "what the hell is going on in here?" He was just trying it on for size and really had no idea what he was saying but what did we do? We laughed our asses off, that's what! Because it's FUNNY! Another time, not too long ago, Harrison, being the pre-teen that he is, kept telling stories about his day, which always seemed to include a kid on the bus saying the "S word". He would pause in the story and say "can I say it?" and I'd always answer "NO!" because we all know he's just looking for a reason to swear. Well, finally one night, in the middle of dinner I made him stand up and say ALL the swear words he knew, out loud, just ONCE ("and then you can never say them again"). I figured it would get it out of his system. What it did was give me an education! I didn't know half the words he said when I was ten! I didn't know some of them till I was twenty! Wow. Times have changed. And children, well, they DO pick up on things we do and say. For example, once when Arlie was a toddler, she wanted to ride her battery-operated fire truck. It needed batteries or some such thing, and Jeff told her as much. Her reply? "Well, get off your ass and fix it!" Out of the mouths of babes. They're precious, aren't they? Well, hell, it's time to wrap this up so I can go eat some shit for dinner. Damn. Happy Friday!

Farting at Yoga

Tonight I will touch upon a sensitive subject. Farting at yoga. Yes, I said that. Because, you see, sometimes people fart at yoga. And it's not easy to hide. Yoga is done in silence. It's very quiet, save for the occasional groan or giggle when one lands on one's butt because they wear yoga pants that are too long. But I digress. I'm here to talk about farting in yoga. First, I must qualify this to say I have NEVER farted at yoga. Well, out loud anyways. But other people have and there's just nothing more humiliating than hearing someone rip one and wondering who it was (or worse, knowing for SURE who it was, and having to pretend you don't know). I, of course, find farting hysterical, even more so when amplified in an Om-type silence while flowing through our asanas. But I can't laugh out loud! Oh no, not when everyone is just moving along, pretending they didn't hear it (c'mon we ALL heard it) and acting all Zen-ed out and stuff. What-EVER! You know you are cracking up inside. But here's the thing - it's a wonder we don't ALL fart at yoga. Because some of those poses....well, let's just say they squeeze parts of you that should not be squeezed and if you HAPPEN to have a little extra air in there, well, it's gotta come out. Amplified. And in front of a crowd. Mortifying! Or maybe not. Because no one has ever 'fessed up to farting in yoga. Would you? Heck no, not when you can pretend it's someone else! You just flow along, moving through your poses like there was nary an interruption (oh me? No, I was just rocking this warrior pose). But it's like some people just don't CARE! I mean, after the ultimate mortification of actually FARTING out loud for everyone to hear, I couldn't NOT make fun of myself and crack up. I'd probably ruin the class for laughing out loud. But the farts I've heard? No ownership at all! They say you should "not eat a heavy meal two hours prior to class". I used to think, oh yeah, because all those forward folds and such, you might get a tummy ache from your dinner being squished up under your ribcage. But nooooo......it's so you don't offend your fellow yogis by ripping a loud one in the middle of child's pose when your butt is reaching for the heavens and all exposed and stuff. And why is farting so funny anyway? I mean, everyone does it, it's perfectly natural, but it cracks people up when it happens. There are even farting contests and fake fart sounds that make people bust a gut. So funny! But there is a time and a place and the middle of yoga is just so........quiet. I live in mortal fear of ripping one in yoga - you know, one of those that just slips out and you didn't even know it was coming? How can you stay grounded after that? Have I cursed myself by writing this post? Perhaps. Namaste!

Update on Project Laundry

So far, Hayley, Hannah and Harrison have done their own laundry (Arlie's turn is tonight). Hayley and Hannah did fine, but their clothes are still sitting in baskets, waiting to be folded and put away (hmmm..........wonder how many months THAT will take?). Harrison poured chlorine bleach into his loads (oops! I said "Clorox 2 color safe bleach" and he saw "Clorox" on the bottle and assumed it was the right stuff). He only ruined two old shirts that were getting too small anyway, and they got a few spots on them. Otherwise, miraculously, even his darks and jeans came away unscathed (thank GOD because I can't keep the kid in jeans anyway, he outgrows them every couple of months). Again, his stuff is sitting in a basket. I've been doing my stuff in between their loads, like in the morning. Came home yesterday to find one of my loads, still wet, piled on top of the dryer. Hmm......okay.........well at least it wasn't on the floor! There are still several piles of clothes in the hallway and my kids will gone to their dad's this weekend so I don't anticipate that disappearing until next week. But I'm holding out.............

Laundry

Today I'm going to make everyone start doing their own laundry. I've given everyone a day - Monday daytime it's my laundry, Monday evening, Hayley, Tuesday, Hannah, Wednesday, Harrison, Thursday daytime my turn to do towels and sheets, etc., Thursday evening, Arlie and Friday, Jeff with weekends open for catching up. We'll see how it goes. It will be a HUGE adjustment since everyone has been enjoying this "service" forever, but it will be good for them all to do their own laundry and learn to do it right.

Why am I doing this, you ask? (Ok, maybe you didn't but I'm going to tell you anyway). Let me list the reasons:
1. crusty, balled up socks
2. nasty underwear
3. inside-out clothes
4. all the clothes arriving in a HUGE pile, because no one ever thinks to empty their laundry bin a little at a time (this usually happens on a day we're getting ready for a party and cleaning the house)
5. clean clothes arriving in the laundry on a regular basis (yes, folded socks, folded underwear, tops and pants not worn in ages, but tried on, discarded on the floor, then hastily scooped up once a month or so when they decide to clean their rooms - usually under duress)
6. using the laundry room as their personal closet. Yes, they all look for clean clothes in there, snatch them off the hangers in their haste in the morning and ignore the chore list that says "put your clean laundry away"
7. having a general disrespect and disregard for the HUGE job that laundry is and not showing any appreciation for the hours and hours I spend doing it

So, now everyone (yes, everyone, even Jeff) will get to do their own laundry. I've posted a list of instructions on how to do your own laundry above the washer and dryer. They can all read, so they can figure it out. If their whites turn pink or their lights get dingy from washing with darks, it will be their own problem. And just WAIT till they have to fold and hang their own clothes! Oh my. Perhaps they will be a bit more conservative and wear their jeans more than once, or not toss a shirt tried on but not worn into the laundry hamper.

I know there will be hell. Someone will need something and want the washer RIGHT NOW and there will be fights and tears and someone will be pulling clothes out of the dirty hamper because they didn't follow through on their chore. And that will be the natural consequences that will lead to learning. Hopefully. But the way I see it, it's a life skill they can all use and it might as well start now.

Halloween Party 2009!!!

Harrison and Tonaiya.......they went swimming yesterday, had a sleepover, and spent the whole day together, then the Halloween party! Quite a big day for Tonaiya, who just a few short weeks ago was hospitalized with encephalitis, unable to walk, sit up, eat or speak! Now look at her! What a blessing!
Hannah and "Drewbie".........Drew is like our fifth kid. He's part of the family!

Frank and Marie........look at her muscles! Marie and I went to high school together. Then, she was a very shy, quiet Catholic girl. Now she has 14 tattoos and is a riot!

This is Steve channeling his inner joker. Steve's wife, Marie, is our hairdresser!

Anna and Abbie reluctantly posing for a photo (and no way are they giving up their lollipops!)

Hannah as a Pink Lady from "Grease"

Jeff and Arlie doing their Elvis impressions! Uuuhhh-huuhhhh!

Jeff as Derry from "The Oustiders" and Arlie as a car hop!

Me and Carla

Michael came as a "dead soccer player" - wow, did he do a good job on the fake blood or what? He won "scariest costume"..........

The prizewinners - Jason as John Dillinger complete with tommy gun, Isak as a Whoopie Cushion, DeVon as a Space Cowboy, Michael as a dead soccer player, and Clarissa as Marilyn Monroe..........great costumes!

Hayley posing innocently enough with a marble rolling pin, but as a deranged 50's housewife, who knows what she will do with it?

Tonaiya as a Death-Eater from Harry Potter! Fitting, I guess, because she did cheat death, not long ago!

Juniors!

Mad scientist with a magic potion! Amy didn't have to stretch too far for this one - she IS a mad scientist! Even has her own monogrammed lab coat!

Carmen unveils pumpkin face strawberries - yum! Witch one is best? :)

Shaggy and Daphne, and Scooby hanging out in Daphne's belt! Steve and Marie Nuss (Marie is our hairdresser)

Tyler, Steve and Marie's son, as the Joker

The kids at the party...........they were many, they were loud. They spilled punch. Good times.

The adults at the party. They came, they drank, they partied.

Laura, Clarissa and Hayley - best friends!

Tiffany, Chandler, Dannie and Hannah

Hannah, Drew, Hailey, Constance, with Julius in front

Jeff and I celebrating 50's style.........

Arlie and Abbie as matching car hops.....

DeVon the Space Cowboy

Abbie as a car hop

Harrison as a Ponyboy, from the Outsiders, AFTER he got in a rumble.

Isak as a Woopie Cushion! Pfflbbbtt..........

Jason as a gangster..........

Julius as an X-wing fighter pilot (I thought he said "extreme fighter pilot" and that sounded pretty cool to me!)

Hayley, Hannah, Michael - what a contrast from homecoming, eh?

Hayley channels her inner 50's housewife............brie anyone?

Arlie will take your order now. You want fries with that?

We had our annual Halloween Party tonight. About 50 people crowded our house, kids stampeded upstairs, punch was spilled, many bad-for-you foods were consumed, a contest was had, winners beribboned, and plenty of beer and wine consumed by guests. In all, a great party! We had some "new" party guests, people who had not yet been to one of our parties, and so that was nice to mix it up a little. The kids had a great time, but they outnumbered us as usual, prompting me to think maybe next year we should host two parties - a kids' party and an adult party. But it was a good time and a chance for everyone to dress up and enjoy it before heading out Halloween night to trick or treat with a coat covering up their costumes. It was a brisk 47 this morning! Now to obtain and carve some pumpkins, go trick or treating with the cousins on Halloween, and our holiday will be complete!

Dinner with the neighbors!

Abbie and Arlie

Doug Marcoux, DeVon Ogurkow, Amy Heinrich-Kehr, Jason Kehr, Carla Templin, Mike Templin, Betty Marcoux, Jeff Moore, Mary-Leah Moore

Carla and Mary-Leah

Hannah, Arlie and Jeff

Cupcakes!!!

Doug and Betty's adorable grandson, Dylan

Arlie serves up some cookies!

Mom gets a little dressed up......

Arlie trying out her Halloween costume - a 50's car hop!

Arlie gets friendly with a skull!

Harrison doing a trial run on his "dead ganster zombie" costume.....

Tonight we had dinner at the next-door neighbors' house, Doug and Betty Marcoux. They have been great neighbors of ours since......well, seems like forever. When they first moved in Harrison loved to go over and hang out with them. Over the years they've been there through everything we've had going on in the neighborhood (and believe me, there is drama......it's our own Wisteria Lane!). We don't get together as often as we'd all like but we finally found a date that suited everyone to meet for a potluck dinner. And their daughter in law, Erica, brought along Dylan, their adorable grandson, who is 14 months old. Such a cutie! The kids had fun playing charades, eating too many chips and hanging out. It was a fun get-together!

Hayley goes to homecoming!

Mommy and Hayley

The back of her pretty dress......

Front of dress!

See how pretty?

My beautiful grown-up girl!

Jumping for joy!

Woot-woot it's homecoming!

I'm a gansta, I'm a straight-up G, the gansta life is the life for me!

Such a pretty dress, thank you Katlyn and Aunt Laurie for sending it!

Check out the new kicks!

Gorgeous girls Hayley and her friend Hannah Norton

Pretty girls, ah to be 16 again!

Hayley, Micheal, Hannah N.

The trio!

Looking good!

Hayley went to her first homecoming dance tonight. She's still not home as I write this and it's kind of weird to have my kid staying out past MY bedtime for a change! Her dress fit her like a glove and we got it from cousin Katlyn, who also wore it to homecoming. Her jewelry was borrowed from me, and I did her hair. She went with good friends Hannah and Micheal. They had dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse (like Benihana's) and then stopped by our neighbors' house where the rest of us were enjoying a potluck dinner and early Halloween celebration. Then, they went off to the dance, followed by movies at Micheal's house. (Should I be worried that Micheal's college-aged brother is there and he said Hayley was "hot"?). I trust she'll have a great time. She had to work pretty hard this week getting everything set up, since ASB is in charge of putting the dance on at the school. So, she spent last night cheering on the football team at the game (they won, 55-0, what a stomp!) and then decorated until midnight! She was back at the school at 8:30 a.m. decorating some more. And tomorrow she goes back to tear it all down. She will need some R&R after that! I can't believe she's old enough to go to a dance, to drive, to have her own life and stay out later than I can stay up! Geesh, where did the time go? My beautiful girl............