Thursday, November 27, 2008


Well, don't you just know I created the nicest little Betty Crocker Thanksgiving dinner you ever saw? I rustled up the moistest turkey, velvety mashed potatoes, tasty gravy, sweet potatoes with lots of brown sugar and pecans, green beans with bacon and onions and fluffy little rolls! Harrison made Waldorf salad and Hayley put together the chocolate trifle for dessert. Instead of pumpkin pie I made "pumpkin stuff" from the cookbook entitled "The Sweet Potato Queen's Big Ass Cookbook (and Financial Planner)". All in all, delightful! knew there was going to be a but, didn't you, now?

For one thing, no kitchen is big enough for two cooks. Which caused a bit of a ruffle this morning when Jeff (who has taken over my kitchen as his cooking domain) was attempting to "help" with Thanksgiving dinner. Well, let me start by saying that he wanted to cook up all these weird concoctions that in no way resembled my momma's Thanksgiving dinner so I was havin' NONE of that! I proceeded to show him the ten page document that I've saved over the years (gravy-splattered and all!) with explicit instructions on how to create MY MOM'S Thanksgiving dinner. He was to follow it to the letter with absolutely no substitutions or "spicing up" to his tastes. But I found it easier to just do it myself. So, he went about roasting one of his poor, defenseless birds that he shot silly with his shotgun, and making it into "pheasant/oyster gumbo". Now, eww. What kind of Thanksgiving food is THAT? But he made it up, rice and all and we proceeded to have a 'Nawlins type lunch (actually it was pretty good). I scurried about, using up every one of my pots and pans to make the feast.

And while it turned out lovely, I couldn't help but notice that we spent the ENTIRE day to make a dinner that was consumed in.........well, as much time as it takes to consume any dinner. Not to mention that Jeff and I never showered or changed from yoga this morning and the kids were still in their jammies at dinnertime. So, it was a lovely sight. And I thought, why do we do this really? I mean, are there Thanksgiving police that will arrive at your door if your giblets aren't cooking up on the stove and you don't have a couple dozen pies laid out on the counter top? And I realized, wouldn't we all just be happy to eat Cool Whip out of the carton with a spoon (well it did make ME happy while I was cooking!)? I think as long as you have the basic essentials of Thanksgiving dinner - butter and brown sugar - then you've got yourself a feast! I mean, every single dish has a stick or more of butter in it and brown sugar sort of makes a grand appearance, so why not just melt yourself a big ole stick of butter, mix in about a cup of brown sugar and eat that gooey paste till you're practically passed out from sugar/fat overload? The results would be the same. Ok, so the turkey is pretty good. And you can't get that tasty gravy without all those turkey drippings. So, here's what you do. You go to the deli and get yourself some nice, fresh turkey sliced up all handy-like for you. Purchase some gravy (canned, deli, your choice). Slap that on a platter and heat it up. Now you've got yourself a respectable dinner (veggies - who cares? It's Thanksgiving). Purchase an 8-oz container of Cool Whip for each guest and serve with festive holiday spoons. Make a nice big bowl of brown sugar/butter paste for each guest and serve in those cute little serving dishes you never use. Voila! Thanksgiving dinner! You may notice I left out stuffing. Because, in the end, it's really just soggy bread. And no one likes that, right Tonya?

Hope you all had as nice a Thanksgiving as I did. I'm gonna go now and eat me some more Cool Whip!!


Sydney said...

I've learned to like my Dad's version of stuffing... basically mini seasoned croutons. But I can attest that no thanksgiving police will come (or maybe the UAE is out of their jurisdiction) if you lazy around all Thanksgiving Day and eat burritos for dinner.

hayley (it's here!) said...

You forgot to mention how lovely all of our hairsytles were! =]

MAMMA said...

AAAWWWW! Now what fun would it be without sweating yourself until your underwear are wringable and having everything that is reasonably level be covered with something (even if the 'something' is just a weird smear of sticky --?) My Thanksgiving consisted of the same type of meal - nothing fancy - but this year it was cooked on one leg while holding my balance and occasionally sitting on a barstool when I thought my good leg would collapse under the weight :-)
Cooked in 10 hours - Eaten in 15.....Sigh! And I can't wait till next year!:-)