Sunday, February 1, 2009

Stress Dreams!

Don't you hate it when you have one of those "stress" dreams where you are frantic, or crying, or in mortal danger and you wake up feeling exhausted as if you really had run screaming from a knife-wielding maniac? Well, last night I had a stress dream about my wedding to Jeff. I was in some house (it's never your own house, is it?) and I suddenly realized it was 5:40 p.m. and I was getting married at 6. I had my hair in this weird half ponytail and my glasses still on and I believe I was in my pajamas. I was frantically running about trying to wet my hair down so it wouldn't stick up, trying to put my contacts in but every time I did, they got bigger and bigger and there was no way I could put this pancake-sized contact in my eye! Right in the middle of this chaos, I woke up and I actually had to "take stock". Where am I? What the hell was that? Oh, yeah, just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Whew.

And so, being the amatuer dream analyzer that I am (I LOVE to analyze Jeff's dreams and give him huge, long, philosophical and psychological accounts of what they mean! HAHA), I realized that this dream might have been about my REAL wedding to Jeff and the stress in the minutes before I went down to meet my groom. We were in a penthouse suite at the Coeur d' Alene Resort. I was helping all the kids get ready. And with four of them, that left precious little time for ME! I suddenly realized I was about a half hour away from wedding time and wasn't ready myself. On went a quick swipe of makeup and I ended up pulling my hair back into this half ponytail kind of thing and letting the rest hang down. And it's not my most flattering look. But it was either that, or my trademark "Medusa" hair so I chose the first one. I thought I looked passable so off I went (only after realizing that everyone was actually WAITING for me) and got married. And later, when the pictures came back, I was kind of disappointed in my look. For one thing, my hair wasn't fabulous. For another, while my dress was beautiful, it was not flattering to ME personally and my ample belly showed just a bit too much (I often wondered how many people might have thought I was pregnant!). But I took it all in stride. We did get some lovely pictures that I treasure. And I did think my dress was beautiful (and I look forward to wearing it again someday when I'm about 50 lbs. lighter!). But it just goes to show that things don't always turn out like you planned and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

So, with Jeff losing his job, we've been talking about the possibility of moving and sort of "starting over." Now, this is nothing new to either of us. We spent a lot of time moving about as kids and adults, so setting up shop in a new location is no big deal. But ironically, our kids have experienced the exact opposite. They have lived this stable, same house, same school life for as long as they can remember. And yet, for the most part, they are up for the adventure of starting over. I think it would be a great thing for our family. Transition time is good. Just before Jeff was laid off I was telling him how I've always wanted to take an RV across the country and just see our country and all it's amazing offerings. Pull the kids out of school and make an adventure of it. Maybe write a book about it. So, for fun, on the airplane ride home from Ft. Worth, we made a list of all the things in the USA we'd want to see. Monuments, of course, and National Parks, but also the biggest ball of string or the Corn Palace. Just all the quirky, weird and fascinating things that make life more interesting. Frankly, I think this kind of experience would be a far better education than our kids are getting right now. With their various difficulties and ambivalence about school in general right now, it seems like a perfect time. And yet..........and yet. There are jobs to look for, bills to pay, a mortgage ever-present. Despite that, it can happen. Things like this DO happen. Or something else new and adventurous will happen.

Jeff said to me last night on the phone from Austin..."Will you still be here if things get bad? Will we all be together under one blanket if we're homeless on the street?" and while he was joking (I hope!), what it means is that we have to stick together through this, whatever the "adventure" might be. Things don't always turn out as planned. But sometimes, along the road, something else turns up that's a little different and can take you somewhere you never thought you'd be. And that's not necessarily a bad thing!


Sydney said...

I'm looking forward to following you (cyberly) on your journey... whatever it may be.

And I'm with you on weddings that didn't turn out as planned. I was planning a dream wedding when we got this job and ended up getting married in the courthouse 8 months before we planned... with MY 5-month-post-partum belly poking through in my photos a bit more than I'd have liked. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Anonymous said...

I'm in Birmingham, Alabama....I don't think there's a better testament to the fact that you don't know where life will lead you.......but, we like it, ironically. It isn't Arizona, of course, but we like it!