Monday, March 30, 2009

Mother versus Parent

Something that's been on my mind........I think there's a huge difference between being a mother and being a parent. Being a mother means you give birth to a child. Any girl can become a mother. Being a mother means you protect your offspring with a vengence, love them fiercely, and would essentially die for them. It's a primal thing. But being a mother does not make you a parent. Being a parent is the "business" side of procreation, and requires a lot more effort. Even taking into account pregnancy, labor and delivery, being a parent is thousands of times harder than becoming a mother through giving birth (and no extra points if you got drugs and a c-section!). Being a parent means you are the one who does the day to day drudgery of raising a child, while at the same time enjoying the day to day rewards of raising a child. It's a delicate balance. Being a parent sometimes comes with difficulties - just like in the corporate world, you may have disgruntled "employees" (children), poor performance, lack of motivation and sloppy work habits. But you also have great performance reviews, praise and appreciation, and the satisfaction of a job well done (albeit not nearly as often as the disgruntled side!). But being a parent means you are the one who spends countless hours at dance classes, volunteering in the school classroom, rising at dawn to make lunches, talking about sex and other uncomfortable topics, going over homework, hiring a tutor, or a counselor, or taking the child to endless doctor appointments. Sure, you have fun with the kids - from time to time a really great day can be had and there are vacations, day trips, movie nights, game nights, and just hanging out. But being a mother is a walk in the park compared to being a parent. Being a parent is hard work. The consequences of your actions last forever. There's no do-over. You have to be ever-vigilant. You love, you protect, you nurture, you discipline and still there's no guarantee of the outcome. But it doesn't matter. Being a parent means you love them no matter what happens. Being a mother means you brought them here. Being a parent means you keep them here, safe and sound, as long as possible, and when you turn them loose, you hope there are no missing pieces or loose ends. You hope they are solid. You do your best but it's not enough. Being a parent can't make you a mother. But being a mother can make you a pretty good parent. It's what you do with what you have been given. You can only be a mother to the children you birth. But you can be a parent to any child.

2 comments:

Mimi/Papa said...

Wow! You described ME to a "T"! Thank you!! I didn't realize how much you thought of me as being a mother and parent!!! Thank you! And, again, thank you!!

(OK, I'm just kidding - I know I was a shithead for a mom!!) hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Love you!

Sydney said...

Hey now, be easy on those us who ended up having to have "drugs and a c-section" with months of painful recovery (my scar still hurts)!