Monday, May 10, 2010

Bad Dog, Georgie!

This is Georgette. We sometimes call her George, or Georgie.
And no, she doesn't usually wear a sweater.......
Whoever said having a dog makes you live longer was WRONG! I swear, having three dogs takes years off my life everyday. Maybe the point is you are supposed to have just ONE dog........I don't know but three dogs is about two dogs too many for me. So, I figured, if I were to pick just one of the dogs, it would be Georgette. For one thing, she's "my" dog, having been brought into the marriage by me. For another, being a lab, she's a pretty good dog and light years smarter than the other two dogs Jeff contributed to the marriage (I believe they take after their owners, and seeing as I graduated from UW and Jeff from Eastern, one could see the parallels between the dogs' intelligence......but I digress.......). Georgie plays games, does tricks, never runs away, and until Jeff contributed Shade and Charlie, slovenly man dogs that they are, Georgie also went potty in ONE approved spot, each and every day, making clean up a breeze and keeping our patio unpolluted with doggie droppings. Oh, and did I mention she poops on command? However........Georgie has one tiny flaw. Well, ok, it's a huge flaw. She doesn't like to go outside and relieve herself very often. I can understand this, because, after all, she doesn't enjoy sharing her potty time with two male dogs. To that end, she will hold it for HOURS until, at the end of the day, we INSIST she go potty and then she lets the floodgates out and pees for several minutes straight. It's amazing, really, the volume she lets loose. So, occasionally, when someone (Jeff) hasn't remembered to let her out at night, she will go to bed with a full bladder. Like last night. Which is why I woke to the sound of water running, no GUSHING, and wondered, WTF? What could that be? And then I saw her trot out of the bathroom. At least she chose the correct spot for unleashing her fury. But did she manage to make a puddle on the linoleum? She did not. She trailed it and let loose on the carpet. I'm estimating she pees somewhere between a quart and a gallon each time she goes, so you can imagine how this "flood" got cleaned up. Out came the carpet cleaner in the wee hours. Thank God for Jeff because I would have just cried. And used a whole roll of paper towels trying to soak it up. I'm especially sensitive to this catastro-pee because Georgie was not housetrained for THREE years! Three years we dealt with a puddle here and a lake there. I thought I'd lose my mind, and nearly gave the dog away on several occasions. I can only imagine what the underside of my carpets looks like. I don't want to know! Every single time my ex comes over, Georgette lets loose and pees on the floor. Either he scares the piss out of her or........yeah, he must scare the piss out of her. All I know is, nothing about owning dogs makes me feel like I'm going to live longer. If anything, Georgie, who is always underfoot and follows me everywhere, will be responsible for my untimely demise when I trip over her and down the stairs! Nope, I'm not buying the owning dogs as the key to longevity pitch. What about you?

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