Saturday, July 2, 2011


Hey, world! Breaking news! Summer came to Seattle and it's only July 2. It's also the most amazing Jeff Moore's birthday, so that makes it even better. I was laying out in the sun (remember that ? "Laying out"? That's what we called it before "tanning" came into fashion) all greased up with the most amazing smelling Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen (again, remember when we used tanning oil? This was similar but with the added protection of sunscreen) and started thinking about how easy summer is. That, after all, is really why we all love summer so much. Not because it's warm and we're on vacation and the barbeques are fired up. No, it's because summer is just so damn easy. For instance:

- in summer time, don't bother bathing your kids. No, instead, once a day, lay out a large tarp across the grass. Run the hose so it covers the tarp with fresh, cool water. Unwrap a few bars of soap (Irish Spring works great and has that uber clean scent all moms love). Have each kid do the slip and slide thing down the tarp and when they're nice and wet, give 'em a bar of soap and let them lather themselves up. Repeat madcap slide down tarp. Repeat. Repeat. They will be so squeaky clean, you'll WISH you smelled sweat and dirt instead of the luck 'o the Irish.
- Otter pops with a side dish of watermelon is a perfectly acceptable summertime dinner (or lunch or breakfast).
- Don't bother exercising in the summer. Really, it's way too hot out, you don't want to risk heatstroke. And in some parts of the country, you'll be sweating like a pig from sunup to sundown so you'll be burning fat like nobody's business.
- Save money! Stock up on Popsicles, Drumsticks, Eskimo Pies and Push Pops. When the kids hear the sinister tune of the ice cream man, save yourself four bucks a pop and open the freezer instead. Offer the kids a nice ice cream sandwich purchased 2 pkgs for $5 with a 50 cents off coupon. Bargain!
- Sleep naked, covered by just a sheet (preferably washed in Tide and dried with a Downy sheet for that fresh, clean scent), with a fan running. Saves on laundry!
- Cocktail hour is for everyone! While the little darlings mix up your margarita (blended, salted rim, please!), set out a pitcher of water, a variety of Kool-Aid packets (10 for a dollar!) and a big ole bag of sugar and let them mix their own concoctions.
- Throw caution to the wind and let the kids tan on the roof with their friends. The dozen or so beach towels they leave up there will give your house a quaint ghetto touch.
- Water! Water is the essence of summer. Swimming in it, drinking a cool glass of it, pouring an ice cold bucket of water over the unsuspecting head of a neighbor. Pure bliss.
- Jump on the grilling sensation! Everything can be grilled these days. Not just for steaks and burgers, grills can turn out grilled peaches, "hobo" packets of beef stew, even pizza! Try some new variations - grilled smoothies, grilled mac and cheese, even grilled oatmeal! The grill is your friend!
- When it's hot out, let's all be a little more forgiving of extra flesh being exposed. However, please do not bare your tummy unless it's taut as a drum, and keep bra-strap peekage to a minimum. Doughy, white flesh is one of the true tragedies of summer.
- Never rise too fast from a wooden chair when wearing shorts (yeeouch!)

Yes, summer is FUN! Enjoy it while you can, for tomorrow it may rain. (No, really, it's supposed to rain tomorrow).

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