Thursday, August 18, 2011


Today was really long. I mean, technically, it had the same number of hours and minutes as any other day (funny how that works) but there was just a lot packed into this day that made it stretch like silly putty.

It started out with me delaying and delaying getting a shower until the last minute because I had to take Hannah to camp. But I knew I was coming home after, so I skipped makeup. And face lotion. Which always makes my face feel weird. Don't you hate that? Anyway. I dropped her off and then went to satisfy my insatiable craving for an iced mocha and a delectable little treat, aptly named "muffin top". No, seriously! This little espresso stand near my house sells muffin tops. Not the doughy white abdominal fat that squishes out of a tube top on a fat chick! No....a "real" muffin top, ergo, the top of the muffin which, as everyone knows, is the best part. But of course, this is one supersized muffin top, guaranteed to pack on the pounds so you, too, can sport your own modern version of the "spare tire". Mmm......the chocolate chip one is divine!

So, I enjoyed my muffin top and coffee while accomplishing "a lot of stuff" on the computer, which loosely translates to: I finally filled out some forms and checks and stuff and called a few places and got that stupid college loan thing figured out. Before I knew it, it was time to head up to my attorney's office.

Now. The thing about attorneys is that they're so intimidating. I mean, really, they are worse than cops in the "I'm way more important than you" department (apologies to nice attorneys, if there are any). I would rather poke a hot fork in my eye than meet with an attorney ANY time, but alas, it appears that my ex has created a bit of a stink over helping pay for our daughter's college education (I know, WHY would anyone want to do that?). So, off I went. And do you know....that guy was SO rude. He actually texted and typed on his computer (no doubt on Facebook!) the entire time and never even made eye contact with me. Also, he didn't give me very good advice. I mean, I'm not belittling his bar exam and all, but I could have figured that out myself. I really hope he doesn't charge me for the fifteen minutes I spent watching him check his Blackberry.

So, I hit the road back home (and did I mention my attorney's office is about 30 minutes away on a good traffic day so what a total waste of gas?). I called my husband to vent about the meeting and the general state of things and he mentioned that he needed some cash for a fishing trip he was taking that evening with a work buddy. Gas money and all. So, I stopped at the ATM and did a quick withdrawal. Then, I went home.

When I got home, precisely at 2 p.m. which I had told my kids about a hundred times was the time we'd be leaving, I found them not ready (again!) and realized the dogs had not been let out. So, I yelled a little bit and sent my husband an irate text (to vent, again, sorry Jeff!). Then I sent one of them back in to let the dog pee and the other one back in to put the cash I got from the ATM for my husband on THE BATHROOM COUNTER (remember that, it's important later). Off we went. I had a doctor's appointment because my back has been killing me for ten days, but of course, on the day of the appointment, I woke up feeling much better. Still, I had the appointment, might as well check it out. So, I gave the kids $20 and sent them to the local burger joint to eat lunch while I did the boring doctor thing.

Did I mention I was really hungry at this point? You know, because that muffin top was wearing off (the pastry not my stomach, much to my dismay). But I figured I'd be an hour, tops, and then I could grab a snack. Hm. Why do I EVER think a doctor's appointment will be just an hour? I actually arrived at 2:20 which was ten minutes before my appointment. I was checked in and ready five minutes before my appointment. And I waited. And waited. And was finally called into an exam room where a medical assistant took my vitals and asked me a bunch of questions. And she left. And I waited. And waited. And finally the doctor came in and had me do a bunch of stretches and movements to prove that my back really did hurt, and then decided I should get an x-ray. Oh, but first they had me pee in a cup to rule out kidney infection AND pregnancy. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

At this point, I was SO HUNGRY that I thought about eating the emergency protein bar I keep in my purse for just such emergencies, but the truth is, when it really comes down to it, that protein bar seems so ICKY that I can never bring myself to eat it. I'd rather gnaw on my arm. But I did text the kids to see what they were up to, and found out they were near a donut shop. I told them how hungry I was and they asked if I wanted them to go back to the burger joint for a bacon burger. Oh my goodness, yes! But, alas, they only had $4. So, I told them to hightail it back to the donut shop and get me a donut and some milk, STAT! At this point, I was waiting for my x-ray. My blessed saviors arrived with my donut and milk and I realized we only had fifteen minutes before they needed to be at camp. So, I left. I hightailed it out to my car and dropped the kids off at camp and headed back to the doctor's office. And do you know that I was still in the queue for my x-ray? It was like I was never gone!

After finally getting my x-rays, I headed back up to my exam room with my films. And waited. And waited. And finally the doctor came in and ushered me out to the lightbox in the hallway to show me and everyone who walked by my lovely spine, which is quite curvy and has some compressed disks. But nothing too serious. So, I got a prescription for muscle relaxants and physical therapy. Neither of which I will probably even take advantage of, because, like I said, the miracle of paying my $15 copay had miraculously cured me.

So, I went back to pick up the kids and headed straight for cheer practice (not for me, silly, can you imagine?). Dropped off the cheerleader and drove home. I had about twenty minutes of checking in with the kids, and the TV was on and it was a show about making wedding cakes so I had to get out my wedding album to show the kids my most wonderful, best ever wedding cake. But I could not find my wedding album. Well, actually I COULD find the album from my FIRST wedding, but not my most recent and BEST wedding. So, first I showed them my first wedding cake, which was pretty traditional and not at all interesting, and then I finally found my BEST wedding album and showed them my most delicious, tiered wedding cake with tuxedo strawberries all over it. It was really the best cake ever. EVER! And Hannah mentioned that she never got to taste my wedding cake and I thought that was just a tragedy so I need to go to Spokane and visit Just American Desserts and have another wedding cake made.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. After that, my friend picked me up and we went to dinner at Blazing Onion. And boy howdy, was I ever hungry, seeing as all I'd had to eat was sugar (I wonder if that's why I was talking so fast?). So, I got a big, huge, California bacon burger and sweet potato fries and an Olympic Sunset which was a delightfully fruity beverage just perfect for capping off a busy day. Then, we went to see "The Help" which was a wonderful movie and a bit of a tearjerker, but please don't see it until you read the book because it's just that good. The book, I mean. And I had Reese's Pieces at the movies and now I feel as though I might explode.

And then I came home and my husband had cleaned fish and the kitchen smelled faintly of fish guts and he complained about a noise coming from his truck and then grumbled about not being able to find a video camera but all I heard was "blah, blah, blah". And then he said "Hey, I just found this $40 on my desk". Which was the money I sent the child to put on the bathroom counter. Remember? Bathroom counter/desk. Yep, they sound pretty much the same.

At 11 p.m. I heard my 13 year old come in the door from an outing with the neighbors and ask if she could have a sleepover. Sleep over what? It was already practically the next day!

Oh look, it's already the next day! And I hear my children up and doors closing and kitchen sounds which usually means someone's making a mess. Or maybe that's the boyfriend leaving. I don't know. And so, I will officially close this very long, and very busy day and try to get some sleep. How was your day?

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