Saturday, March 16, 2013

Stupid shit on Pinterest..........

I really have to laugh at some of the things on Pinterest. For example, did you know if you want stick-straight hair you can just spray it with water mixed with brown sugar, comb it through and wait for it to dry? WOW! Except not. If you spray brown sugar and water in your hair you will just have horribly sticky hair. And it won't be straight, either. (Full disclosure: I didn't actually try this. I'm not that stupid.)

Here's a doozy - bake a cupcake in a REAL EGGSHELL! What the..??? WHY on earth would you bother doing this? And HELLO does anyone not see the vital ingredient that is missing in this picture? Frosting! Who wants a cupcake without frosting? Especially one you have to PEEL first to eat. Seriously?

Here's another one: 

Who the hell has time to make a lunch like this for their kid? Not in my house. You get a pb & j and you be happy with it! If I'm really nice I'll throw in a pudding cup. Ain't nobody got time for bento box lunches! Whaaatt? 

Also, let's be honest - it's not easy to replicate all those perfect baking triumphs. This picture pretty accurately depicts most any cake I've tried to replicate from a book or magazine picture or Pinterest: 

Also, I saw a recipe for whole-wheat brownies, and as a public service, I just want to say that you DO NOT want to bake with whole-wheat flour. It makes your treats taste like play-dough. Don't ask me how I know this! I just do! So, give yourself a break - if you're trying to eat healthy, just cut back on the cookies, don't ruin the ones you make with whole-wheat flour. Gross. 

Also, I really thought this would be super cool to try, but after I saw this image: 

....I'm thinking maybe not!

These looked so cool for a party, but.............

I made a "homemade pet odor" spray that was basically mouthwash and water. It made my pets smell like mouthwash. And gross dog smell. Combined. Super-pleasant, let me tell you. 

This was one I tried, which I immediately realized was seriously flawed for one reason alone - tubes of wrapping paper are NOT consistent in size. And, of course, they get smaller as you use them. So, except for a few rolls that actually worked with this tip, most of the rolls were either too skinny or too fat for the standard TP tube. 

I was IN LOVE with this idea for Christmas gifts. I made several and only ONE turned out enough to even give as a gift, and even then it was a borderline lame gift. This girl makes it look so easy, but it's not. I promise you. And I spent like $20 on the "gel medium" that was required for the project, plus $8 for the big bottle of Mod-Podge. On the upside, if anyone needs gel medium and/or Mod-Podge, hit me up! I already ruined all the $3 wood blocks I bought. 

Another Christmas expenditure I laid out was metal washers, a metal stamping kit, and various chains and jewelry findings to make these: 

How did they turn out? I don't know. Ain't nobody got time for that! But if anyone wants to get together for a fun afternoon of stamping metal washers on the garage floor, let me know. 

I actually did have some success from Pinterest when I made this project: 

Except I used an old rake head I found at the thrift store, no joke, the same day I saw this on Pinterest. The rake head was four dollars and when I bought it, the cashier asked me what I was going to do with it (like, why would you buy this crappy old rake head? And I thought, why would you SELL this crappy old rake head!). Anyway, it's not AS cute as this one, but it's pretty cute and made a sweet place for my daughter to store her necklaces. 

Of course, my biggest Pinterest fail so far is this one: 

Not because I didn't make it. I did! I even made one for Jeff. Problem is, I never got past three or four marbles in the "pounds lost" jar before I had to transfer them back to the "pounds to lose" jar. And after trading the same few pounds over several months, I just dumped all the marbles back into the bag and put the jars away. It seemed like a good idea at the time...........

Ugh. Pinterest. Making us feel inferior since 2010. 

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