I made myself a promise (and a pledge to NaBloPoMo) to blog every day in May, and guess what?
I can't blog.
I can't blog because I don't really have a working laptop.
I DO have a laptop, but it's not working. As in, my husband bought it off Craig's List (bless his heart) and it regularly disconnects itself from the internet and the keyboard is possessed. No, really. So, before I shoot it or throw it on the floor, we decided to just put it back on Craig's List and get rid of it.
So, that leaves my old laptop, which is obsolete now because of it's operating system, AND it just stopped working at all a few days ago. Like, five minutes before we were going to dump all the important stuff on an external hard drive, the computer just shut off and wouldn't do anything. Plus, it had to be plugged in all the time, so how is that a laptop? That's just a small desktop. Lame.
The good news is my neighbor was able to resurrect that old laptop long enough to retrieve the data and put it on the external hard drive.
The bad news is that while I was doing that, my asshole cats knocked the external hard drive off the table and now it won't work. Like, at all. And my only hope is finding a data recovery place that can possibly take the data off the broken external hard drive. But it's going to cost. A LOT. And every single picture I've ever taken is on that hard drive. All my memories.
So, now I have to use our old desktop computer that is slow and temperamental and most of the letters have worn off the keyboard. Plus, using the mouse is so weird since I'm used to a laptop. And, the computer is in the middle of the family room, and I don't concentrate well with a lot of noise, so I can't blog. I mean, I'm blogging now, but I can't meet my goal to blog every day. It's just not going to work.
And with $33 in the checking account to last us, oh, the next ten days, my chances of getting a new laptop, or fixing my external hard drive or buying groceries are slim to none.
I'm so tired of it all. Tired of things not working, and things breaking and being broke all the time. I'm ready to move to a dilapidated farm house in the central US somewhere where the cost of living is minimal and we're not constantly living paycheck to paycheck and if something breaks, we can fix it.
To add to the fun today, I began my morning getting an upper endoscopy then being drugged on anesthesia that left me unable to do anything but sleep for the next five hours. Actually it was the best sleep I've had in ages so I'm not really complaining about that one. But then, I got an email saying my submission to a blog contest was not chosen. And I was really bummed because I thought I had a chance. But then I started reading some of the winners, and honestly? They weren't all that great. Not all of them. But their blogs were flashier. And they had more readers. And I realize I'm just a small, small fish in a big, big sea.
I just want to blog. But it's hard.