Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The good and the bad.........

Let's see, it's June 14. Flag day. I just checked and my flag is flying in front of my house so that's something that's gone right today.

It's been a busy past few days. For one thing - GRADUATION! Yes, we successfully graduated the two 18-year-olds. Arlie and Rylie made it through many trials to wear those caps and gowns. Each of them worked hard despite many challenges and I was bursting with pride watching them graduate. It was a unique situation that day, as family and friends from all sides of the family converged in the theatre to witness graduation. Rylie's dad, mom, brother, friends and some family members cheered her on (loudly!) from the stands. Arlie's mom, grandma and brother arrived five minutes before the ceremony was over and missed her receiving her diploma. She blinked back tears and watched the door the entire time. It sucked. The good and the bad.

We had a nice party afterward. Jeff spent the morning picking up food at Costco. We decided to go simple and order sandwiches and cake. While he was waiting in line, he checked the bank balance. Meanwhile, I was on my way to the airport to pick up my sister. I arrived earlier than the plane (miracle!) and was circling the airport when I got a panicked call from him. We had NINE transactions for $230 each from a photo book app I have on my phone. It prints a book every time you have 60 Instagram pictures. The books are, like, six bucks each. Definitely not $230! Turns out, somehow nine entire series of the books I've printed had been ordered. By what means, I'm still not sure. So, while I circled the airport, I attempted to email their customer service and call my bank to report that my card had been compromised. Yes, I know that's not safe. In fact, I accidentally got on the freeway and had to go several miles out of my way to get back on the freeway and back to the airport. But, I picked up my sister on time and we chatted all the way home. Good and bad.

The day after graduation, I took a two-hour nap after everyone left. I crashed. Then, I accompanied Jeff on a two-hour trip to Leavenworth (a cute little Bavarian town) where he had a Trout Unlimited meeting the next day (I know, riveting). The hotel was less than stellar and a rowdy group of drunken guys shouted outside our room all night long, but someone yelled "shut up!" and they finally did. Jeff left early and I slept in, then got ready and went in search of food. There was a car show in town - but not one of those cool vintage car shows. It was one of those weird European car shows and the clientele was.....interesting. Plus, there was absolutely no parking so I headed out of town hoping to find a little restaurant or something. I had no idea where I was going and I turned toward the next town and ended up taking a huge loop through orchards which afforded gorgeous views but, alas, no food. I ended up back in town and stopped at a bakery that I forgot is kind of crappy so my "breakfast" at nearly lunch time was some dry pastries and a bottle of milk. Eh. Good and bad.

We managed to get the whole family together to go kayaking on Sunday. It was a beautiful, breezy, not-too-hot day and for a few hours we were all together. But earlier that morning some psycho shot 50 people in a nightclub in a homophobic rage so we were all traumatized by, yet again, another senseless shooting and I had to face the reality that I'm raising my kids; two straight ones, one gay one, one bisexual one, in a world that breeds hate for being "different." I listened to them try to express their feelings, their fears and their confusion and I realized I can't protect them, really, ever. Not anywhere or at any time. My almighty power as a mom is shit compared to the evil the world holds. And that sucks. But, ah, that glorious day on the lake. Good and bad.

We woke up this morning to our daughter writhing in pain on our bedroom floor. Went through the requisite analysis of symptoms and decided to head to urgent care. The first one we went to wasn't open (?) so we went to the ER. 3.5 hours, IV fluids, an ultrasound and CT scan later, we learned it was not appendicitis. So, that was good. But also bad because what the heck WAS it? While we were there, I kept feeling the most uncomfortable scratchiness in my boot. I finally removed it and found an earring I've been trying to find for two weeks. We picked up meds and headed home and now the sick one is sleeping it off and I'm in sweats on the couch finding out what it is my lazy kids do all day when I'm not around (Netflix and chill?). I missed yet another day of work.

Speaking of work, I resigned my position yesterday. I have had a difficult relationship with a coworker and, given the opportunity to do something different next year,  I knew I needed to make a change to preserve my sanity (and frankly, the sanity of my family who have had to listen to me complain for two years). It was a hard decision because I LOVE my school and my community but after two years I just don't see changes happening and so I took the leap and made a change. And it's kind of a big deal for me because I don't make those kinds of changes lightly. So, I'm pretty torn over it. But today when I had to miss work to take my kid to the ER and I felt guilty about it, I realized that the flexibility I'll have next year will prevent that guilt. And I can really put my family first without feeling like I'm letting someone else down. And yeah, my kids are nearly grown, but this is what's right for me, and us, right now. Good and bad.

I'm supposed to be working on writing every day and outlining my book. I'm supposed to be reading my book club book. I'm supposed to be working out every day. None of that is happening. It's the end of the school year and I'm just getting through the days till it's glorious summertime. Three more days. I have to pack my desk, say goodbye to my co-workers and my students (ugh) and come home to my messy house, my extra time to write and think and create and an open-ended summer with no agenda. It's all good. And some of it is bad. But it's mostly good.

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