Today was the first day since 1998 (19 years!!) that I have not risen early to take a child to school (or put them on the bus). Our yellow "first day of school" sign, made hastily one year and never intended to be used for as long as it was, stayed in the top of the closet where it has lived for the past several years. Each year, I would drag it out, add a piece of yellow paper to the bottom with the current year, and take the requisite pictures with each child.
But not today. Today I slept in until almost 8 a.m. Didn't get out of bed till 9. I didn't have to be anywhere (substitute teaching generally starts a week or two after school starts and teachers have time to catch all the germs from a classroom full of biohazards). Heck, I didn't even know where my kids WERE. I knew one daughter had to work at her nanny job, my son didn't work today, and my other daughter was apparently in bed until almost 2 p.m. but I thought she was at work. When she came downstairs I realized she had been in bed the whole time and she could have been DEAD and I didn't even check on her or worry about where she was. Because my "kids" are adults now. My youngest graduated last June and I will never dig out that "first day of school sign" again. I don't know what to do with it. Have a ceremonial burning? Hang on to it for my grandkids? Wipe my tears with it?
It's weird having all adults where my children used to be. I saw pictures on social media of the neighborhood kids at the bus stop. Those days are gone for us. I remember when my kids made up a good chunk of that bus stop crowd. Year after year, we'd take pictures and the following year, post all the old ones to see how much they had changed. Everyone says "it goes so fast" but what they should be saying is "I'm SERIOUS. It goes so fast, don't blink!" Because it did go fast. Faster than I could have ever imagined.
I didn't have to go back-to-school shopping either! Once upon a time I could easily spend $500 on supplies for four kids. That was before clothes and shoes! This year, nothing. I clipped coupons for school supplies and put them under a magnet on the fridge for the taking. If they want to save money on college supplies, they know where to find them. They buy their own clothes and shoes now. They drive cars and pay bills and spend most of their disposable income on food. They come and go, and I often don't know where they are or what they're doing, but a quick check of Snapchat usually lets me know they're at work or having coffee with a friend, or on some adventure they certainly can't be old enough to navigate on their own. But they can. And they do.
Back-to-school is significant when you work in education, too. There are meetings and professional development and getting classrooms ready. Unless you are a substitute teacher. Then, there's just waiting for the phone calls asking you to fill in. Eventually, you get busy and your work schedule becomes pretty routine. But at first it's all over the place and so your days have no rhyme or reason. There's nothing to anchor you to that September-June schedule. It's weird.
Summer's off are a huge bonus and I enjoyed it immensely. It was a busy summer with a wedding, traveling, home improvements and lots of fun squeezed in. The house is in disarray from new hardwood floors and a big painting job, so I have plenty to do, but the chaos sometimes paralyzes me and I find myself delving into something mundane like cleaning out my closet when I really need to unpack boxes of china that need to be returned to their hutches. I know it will all come together eventually but I'm going out of town again in just over a week and so I need to balance the order and chaos and eventual return to the classroom so I can earn a living.
So, today was the first day of school. And it was just a regular day around here. This new life is different. And it's also good. I miss my little kids but I don't have to pack their lunches anymore and I am NOT sad about that. Plus, the chances I'm going to forget to pick them up from school have gone down infinitely. No more curriculum nights! No PTA guilt! No chaperoning! Life is good. Different, but good.
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