This morning I read an article in a magazine (full disclosure: I was on the potty. Like I have time to just lounge around and read magazines? Psh). This article was celebrating the trend of bright red, matte lipstick and suggested you exfoliate your lips before applying. One way you can do this is to lightly brush your lips with a dry toothbrush. What a great ide.........
What the F? Who has time to exfoliate their lips? Seriously? Who has time to even think about lipstick? Most days I'm lucky if I get a swipe of Wet 'n' Wild lip gloss on before work, and it rubs off by 10 a.m. anyway. I work in a kindergarten class, so wearing an "on trend" color is low on my priority list. But exfoliating before I apply lip color? HAHAHAHAHA!
Also, who has time to floss? I mean, really? I go through phases of flossing - like for a few weeks - I'm religious about it every night. And then, not so much. For a long time. I brush! I just don't floss much. Although I did buy a pack of those little handy individual flossers after an unfortunate incident with a poppy seed muffin. Flossing is more like an emergency than a habit.
You know how you lose a button or find a tiny hole in a favorite sweater? You just toss it in the "to sew" pile, which is just another name for "you'll never see/wear/fix that again in your lifetime!" I have children's clothing in my sewing basket that no longer fits my children. Hell, I don't even HAVE children. I have teenagers and young adults. If something loses a button or rips in this house, you can just kiss it goodbye.
Years ago I got really into scrapbooking. Which means I bought reams of fancy paper, piles of stickers and expensive markers that now collect dust in my room. I've weeded through my supplies numerous times getting rid of "what I don't need" and, as it turns out, I probably don't need ANY of it, because, seriously, WHEN will I have time to scrapbook? I know people who do it once a year in a Herculean marathon of creativity, and others who actually go out of town to work on their scrapbooks, with friends and wine and everything! Me? I force myself to walk past all the cute stickers and fancy papers because I spent way too many years buying stuff I haven't used and likely won't until my grandkids are grown. P.S. I don't have grandkids yet.
My entire wardrobe consists of clothing that is soft and cottony and nothing crisp or pleated or pressed in any way because then I'd have to actually IRON. Who does that anymore? If I can't throw it back in the dryer with a damp washcloth and have it come out relatively wrinkle-free, then I won't ever wear it. EVER. I have been known to have items of clothing in my closet for years that go unworn simply because I don't have the time or desire to iron.
My house is not a pigsty (usually) but it is definitely NOT spic and span. Who has time to do things like: wash walls, dust baseboards, paint ceilings, seal tile, clean grout, organize junk drawers, wash blinds, or clean carpets? Psh. Not me! And forget about anything outside the house. If I'm ever single, I will have to move to a condo with lawn care, because I don't do ANY outside chores. I guess I could learn to garden, but WHY?
Good thing I have time to blog! :)
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
The party mom..........
It's that time of year again! Time for the elementary school Halloween HARVEST party. We can't call it a Halloween party because that would be akin to devil worship, or witchcraft, or something bad. But we can throw a kick-ass harvest party complete with decorations and "stations" and goodie bags! YES!
I've sort of come full circle with the elementary school party. I've been the party mom, I've been the "please don't ask me to volunteer at the party" mom, and now I'm the teacher. Assistant teacher. Whatever. Now, I get to sit back and watch a new crop of party moms take over and it's very entertaining.
When I was the party mom, I was happy to help out. Of course, I would rather have run the whole party solo and spared myself the complete mind-numbing experience of a "committee" but I was a team player. I dutifully brought what I was assigned, spent my own money without complaint (sorta), and showed up to run a station and watch my child and his/her classmates bliss out on games like "eat a doughnut from a string" or decorate cookies with a tiny schmear of frosting and a pile of gummy worms and sprinkles twice at thick as the cookie itself (p.s. They never ate them, either. Those suckers were forgotten on the counter the minute we got home and left to dry up and crumble until they got knocked off the counter and swept up into the trash).
One year, I was on the party committee for "Gingerbread Sleighs." This concoction was a step up from the Gingerbread house - psh, we'd already done those, so we had to move on to luxury forms of transportation. The gingerbread sleigh contained NO actual gingerbread, but rather a graham cracker base with candy cane sled runners. I was in charge of the candy canes. I purchased them way ahead of time (ok, the day before) and arrived five minutes late to the official creating of the sleighs. Big deal, the kids were only just choosing their graham crackers and candy toppings. The party mom - THE party mom, I'm talking the ORGANIZER, berated me for being late in front of the whole room of kids and parents, then hastily grabbed my bag of candy canes and started ripping open packages as if the creating of a cookie sleigh were as urgent as her overactive bladder. I stood there with my empty bag and noticed that all the other party moms were wearing matching Santa hats. Apparently the ORGANIZER mom had purchased these for the other party moms - all but me. And let me tell you, I learned my lesson! I will NOT be late with the candy canes again, lest I have my Santa hat snatched unceremoniously off my head.
One year, we party moms decided to have a cookie decorating station at the class party. Suggestions were thrown about - who could bring frosting, who could bring sprinkles - when one mom piped up "Um, I'll be handling the cookie station. Cookie decorating is MY THING!" Well, then. Did you INVENT cookie decorating? True to her word, though, this mom showed up with everything needed to decorate giant pumpkin shaped cookies. And she ran that station like a drill sergeant - "ONE squirt of frosting, ONE pinch of sprinkles, DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Most of the kids avoided her. Not even the lure of orange frosting could win them over.
Today's party moms are kind of party poopers if you ask me. For one thing, they serve mostly healthy food. Tiny tangerines, cheese sticks, healthy crackers, and MAYBE a small cookie thrown in because it's a holiday. Halloween bingo still makes the rounds, as does that dreaded doughnut on a string game. Last year, a party dad thought it would be great fun to have the teachers play it. One of the parents grabbed my camera and took some very lovely photos of me, on my knees, powdered sugar all over my face, mouth gaping open trying to catch a swinging doughnut. Believe it or not, those photos never made the internet. DELETE.
I was always so excited about party days when my kids were in elementary school. And I always left with a headache. Now, working in a classroom, I look forward to party days if only because the parents mostly run the show and I can sit back, relax, and.........HA! Kidding. I still go home with a headache.
I'm a sucker, though. My kids are long past the party at school phase. Once they hit junior high, class parties went the way of their baby teeth and nighttime bed-wetting. But I still peruse the racks at Target, drawn by the twelve-pack of Halloween crayons and other junk. I've already purchased a Valentine goody for my class. And these days the only party mom duties I have are planning my kids own birthday parties, although even those are pretty much planned by them. My duties include buying food and decorations and acting as servant during the party.
So, I pass the torch to those crazed party moms. Those decorative baggie-filling, matching ribbon-curling, homemade cookie-baking, jack-o-lantern-shirt-wearing moms who give selflessly of their time to make a 40 minute party rock. You go, girls! I'll be on the sidelines, smiling knowingly and wondering where the time went. Party on, moms!
I've sort of come full circle with the elementary school party. I've been the party mom, I've been the "please don't ask me to volunteer at the party" mom, and now I'm the teacher. Assistant teacher. Whatever. Now, I get to sit back and watch a new crop of party moms take over and it's very entertaining.
When I was the party mom, I was happy to help out. Of course, I would rather have run the whole party solo and spared myself the complete mind-numbing experience of a "committee" but I was a team player. I dutifully brought what I was assigned, spent my own money without complaint (sorta), and showed up to run a station and watch my child and his/her classmates bliss out on games like "eat a doughnut from a string" or decorate cookies with a tiny schmear of frosting and a pile of gummy worms and sprinkles twice at thick as the cookie itself (p.s. They never ate them, either. Those suckers were forgotten on the counter the minute we got home and left to dry up and crumble until they got knocked off the counter and swept up into the trash).
One year, I was on the party committee for "Gingerbread Sleighs." This concoction was a step up from the Gingerbread house - psh, we'd already done those, so we had to move on to luxury forms of transportation. The gingerbread sleigh contained NO actual gingerbread, but rather a graham cracker base with candy cane sled runners. I was in charge of the candy canes. I purchased them way ahead of time (ok, the day before) and arrived five minutes late to the official creating of the sleighs. Big deal, the kids were only just choosing their graham crackers and candy toppings. The party mom - THE party mom, I'm talking the ORGANIZER, berated me for being late in front of the whole room of kids and parents, then hastily grabbed my bag of candy canes and started ripping open packages as if the creating of a cookie sleigh were as urgent as her overactive bladder. I stood there with my empty bag and noticed that all the other party moms were wearing matching Santa hats. Apparently the ORGANIZER mom had purchased these for the other party moms - all but me. And let me tell you, I learned my lesson! I will NOT be late with the candy canes again, lest I have my Santa hat snatched unceremoniously off my head.
One year, we party moms decided to have a cookie decorating station at the class party. Suggestions were thrown about - who could bring frosting, who could bring sprinkles - when one mom piped up "Um, I'll be handling the cookie station. Cookie decorating is MY THING!" Well, then. Did you INVENT cookie decorating? True to her word, though, this mom showed up with everything needed to decorate giant pumpkin shaped cookies. And she ran that station like a drill sergeant - "ONE squirt of frosting, ONE pinch of sprinkles, DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Most of the kids avoided her. Not even the lure of orange frosting could win them over.
Today's party moms are kind of party poopers if you ask me. For one thing, they serve mostly healthy food. Tiny tangerines, cheese sticks, healthy crackers, and MAYBE a small cookie thrown in because it's a holiday. Halloween bingo still makes the rounds, as does that dreaded doughnut on a string game. Last year, a party dad thought it would be great fun to have the teachers play it. One of the parents grabbed my camera and took some very lovely photos of me, on my knees, powdered sugar all over my face, mouth gaping open trying to catch a swinging doughnut. Believe it or not, those photos never made the internet. DELETE.
I was always so excited about party days when my kids were in elementary school. And I always left with a headache. Now, working in a classroom, I look forward to party days if only because the parents mostly run the show and I can sit back, relax, and.........HA! Kidding. I still go home with a headache.
I'm a sucker, though. My kids are long past the party at school phase. Once they hit junior high, class parties went the way of their baby teeth and nighttime bed-wetting. But I still peruse the racks at Target, drawn by the twelve-pack of Halloween crayons and other junk. I've already purchased a Valentine goody for my class. And these days the only party mom duties I have are planning my kids own birthday parties, although even those are pretty much planned by them. My duties include buying food and decorations and acting as servant during the party.
So, I pass the torch to those crazed party moms. Those decorative baggie-filling, matching ribbon-curling, homemade cookie-baking, jack-o-lantern-shirt-wearing moms who give selflessly of their time to make a 40 minute party rock. You go, girls! I'll be on the sidelines, smiling knowingly and wondering where the time went. Party on, moms!
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