Thursday, October 16, 2008

Jeff's hunting woes!

So, I only have five minutes to post before I head to yoga, but I decided to post a little something on Jeff's misadventures yesterday while hunting! He headed out (alone, save for Shade) and decided to go to a different hunting spot than usual because the usual one was crowded. (Mistake number 1 - always let someone know where you'll be). When he arrived at the new hunting spot, he found a bridge he needed to cross to get to the fields. This bridge inexplicably had several feet of it missing from both sides (the planks were missing), thus making it impassable. So, Jeff, being the avid hunting man (insert manly grunts here) that he is, waded into the water and tried to cross the marsh. Halfway across, he sank up to his knees in mud and muck! Always the true-blue hunter, he managed to throw his gun up on the bridge (Mistake number 2 - save YOURSELF, not the gun!). Finally, after managing to cross the marsh (remember, poor Shade had to fend for himself on this adventure and was slogged in muck up to his haunches at this point), he headed for an area where he might start hunting. No dice. Two other hunters were already there. So, Jeff decided to head to another area he knew. However, upon reaching the end of the trail, he was faced with a creek and no means to cross it. You guessed it, he waded in. (Mistake number 3 - never enter a body of water until you're sure of it's depth). Suddenly he sank to his chest and was forced to grab reeds and weeds from the shore to pull himself out. After recovering from that harrowing adventure, he tried to find the trail. No luck. He bushwhacked through 100 yards of nearly impassable woods, scratching his face and hands, and moving his now nearly 400 lb. body (remember, he was wearing hunting pants and was wet and covered with mud) through this mess. Panicking now, he tried to make a phone call to let me know he might be "late" (meaning he planned to keep going and find his way even if it became dark! Mistake number 4 - never be in the woods after dark!). Lo and behold, his cell phone had succumed to the effects of being submerged and was no longer serviceable. Now, he was on his own, no one knew where he was and he was wet, cold and exhausted (Mistake number 5 - always take food and water, and a light source, with you, in case you are lost in the woods overnight). Finally, he decided to make his way back, found a county road and had to hike a mile, cold and wet, back to his car. Needless to say, he was totally spent when he arrived home, sank into a warm bath (drawn by his perfect hunting wife - hey, I had no birds to cook up, I had to do something!), and downed a glass (or more?) of wine. All that and no birds. I don't get it. I just don't. Mistake number 6 - thinking hunting is "fun". Huh?


Pitchin Princess said...

LOL!!! Poor Jeff.

MAMMA said...

Poor Jeff!! You should watch "survivorman" and you would have found yourself with a few sticks and built a mall!!:-) I am a stickler on the waterproof matches at a minimum if you will be alone in the woods! We have had 3 woodcutters found dead this year alone.
Something to think about!
LOve, M2

Jeff said...

It wasn't that bad! I was never lost. Just wet, muddy and stuck. I was in a WDF release site near Monroe and I was never more than a mile from 2 parking lots and roads with lots of people and cars. I was trying to avoid crossing the mud again and so I tried to cross a creek by jumping to the other side only 2-3 feet across. The problem was the grassy bank was not really a grassy bank but grass covering more of the creek so I fell in and quickly pulled myself up and out. It wasn't the first time I've been in over my boots and probably won't be the last. At that point I was only 10 to 15 minutes from the car, but I had to get to the trail that I knew was over there since I've walked it from the other direction. Damn thick backberry and other misc bushes kept me from finding my way. I was worried because I knew if I didn't find this 10 minuted trail I would have to walk 60 minutes the way I came in and find another way around the mud that Shade and I barely made it through. I couldn't make it through the bush and had to go back the way I came which made for a long hard walk. I was never cold. Infact I was getting a pretty good work out. I was never lost or in any real danger. Just frustrated and very tired. I had two hours to hunt and I spent the majority of that time not hunting for birds but hunting for the best way back to the car.

Mary-Leah said...

Nice dispute Jeff! You sure defended yourself. Sounds guilty to me!!