Jeff's hunting woes!

So, I only have five minutes to post before I head to yoga, but I decided to post a little something on Jeff's misadventures yesterday while hunting! He headed out (alone, save for Shade) and decided to go to a different hunting spot than usual because the usual one was crowded. (Mistake number 1 - always let someone know where you'll be). When he arrived at the new hunting spot, he found a bridge he needed to cross to get to the fields. This bridge inexplicably had several feet of it missing from both sides (the planks were missing), thus making it impassable. So, Jeff, being the avid hunting man (insert manly grunts here) that he is, waded into the water and tried to cross the marsh. Halfway across, he sank up to his knees in mud and muck! Always the true-blue hunter, he managed to throw his gun up on the bridge (Mistake number 2 - save YOURSELF, not the gun!). Finally, after managing to cross the marsh (remember, poor Shade had to fend for himself on this adventure and was slogged in muck up to his haunches at this point), he headed for an area where he might start hunting. No dice. Two other hunters were already there. So, Jeff decided to head to another area he knew. However, upon reaching the end of the trail, he was faced with a creek and no means to cross it. You guessed it, he waded in. (Mistake number 3 - never enter a body of water until you're sure of it's depth). Suddenly he sank to his chest and was forced to grab reeds and weeds from the shore to pull himself out. After recovering from that harrowing adventure, he tried to find the trail. No luck. He bushwhacked through 100 yards of nearly impassable woods, scratching his face and hands, and moving his now nearly 400 lb. body (remember, he was wearing hunting pants and was wet and covered with mud) through this mess. Panicking now, he tried to make a phone call to let me know he might be "late" (meaning he planned to keep going and find his way even if it became dark! Mistake number 4 - never be in the woods after dark!). Lo and behold, his cell phone had succumed to the effects of being submerged and was no longer serviceable. Now, he was on his own, no one knew where he was and he was wet, cold and exhausted (Mistake number 5 - always take food and water, and a light source, with you, in case you are lost in the woods overnight). Finally, he decided to make his way back, found a county road and had to hike a mile, cold and wet, back to his car. Needless to say, he was totally spent when he arrived home, sank into a warm bath (drawn by his perfect hunting wife - hey, I had no birds to cook up, I had to do something!), and downed a glass (or more?) of wine. All that and no birds. I don't get it. I just don't. Mistake number 6 - thinking hunting is "fun". Huh?