Friday, April 1, 2011

Why I hate air travel............

We just took a fabulous vacation to Disneyland and it was amazing except for the fact that we had to fly on an airplane to get there. I absolutely loathe air travel. Here are the many reasons:

- Security. Our first encounter with security resulted in Hayley "forgetting" the 3 ounce rule and bringing two full-sized products in her suitcase which was a carry-on. The TSA associate very snottily told her to throw them away, stat. She freaked (how is a girl to live without her Pond's Face Cream and Twilight Woods spray?) and I told her to just go check her luggage. $20 later. For products that probably cost the equivalent of......well......$20. Sigh. Then, I said to Jeff  "I should probably take my belt off, huh?" and he said "nah, it won't set off the metal detectors" but he was wrong and I had to go back through a second time. Next, I was asked by a stout TSA agent who barely spoke English to put my bag in the little "does your bag fit?" contraption, AFTER I had already flown on two flights. DUH! Of course it fits! Or else I would not have been able to take it with me on the two previous flights. Then, there was the matter of being faced with paying TWICE for Hayley's bag to be checked on the way back, but she was still unwilling to part with her beloved products so I spent fifteen minutes in the airport bathroom dumping out cheap Suave shampoo and conditioner to refill the 3 ounce bottles with face cream and body spray. Good times. I used a ballpoint pen as a tool to transfer said products. It was messy. And ridiculous. Then, four out of the six of us got the full body scan. And when we arrived at the gate, again, after taking three previous flights with the same luggage set up, I was told my purse would have to go into my luggage because I was carrying "three" items on the plane. I explained I had taken two previous flights with this same set up, but they said it was "FAA regulations" and so now I know "FAA regulations" only means "if you feel like enforcing them". GAH! I hate it.
- Interminably long terminals, gate changes, and idiot agents who don't know that their airline, Delta, also operates Sky West.
- Alaska Airlines for not making it crystal clear that we were going to make part of our trip on a commuter airline operated by another carrier.
- Alaska Airlines for upholding their "20 minute rule" for luggage not arriving promptly with a voucher for "$20 off" your next flight - that you can't use unless you have a computer and printer to print the voucher for the next leg of your trip.
- The absurdly close proximity to other people in the plane. I cannot stand the cramped quarters and feeling trapped when I'm in a plane. I much prefer my minivan, my blankie and pillow, my plethora of activities and snacks, my Starbucks in the cupholder and my husband driving.
- The laughingly small back of "snack mix" offered to you during the drink brigade. 1/2 ounce of crackery goodness stuffed into a miniscule bag. But hey! Eat them one at a time and they seem like more.
- Cups with no lids on planes with turbulence.
- Turbulence. HATE IT.
- Snippy flight attendants who say things like "put your bag in an open overhead bin". Duh.  I've tried putting it in a closed one and try as I might, it NEVER goes in. Imagine that.
- Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
- Cattle lines to get on the plane.
- Consistently poor intercom systems on planes. So that "we're starting our descent into Seattle" sounds like "mmsta..scen...le".
- The general feeling of not having control over anything from the time the plane leaves to whether the pilot manages to keep the plane in the air.
- Prices. It's sickeningly expensive for a family of six to fly anywhere at any time. And the prices change by the minute.

Basically, I hate everything about air travel. Give me a good, long road trip anytime.

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