How to Dress for a Baseball/Softball Game in Western Washington (Spectators)

First, start with shorts and a tank top. Then, layer long johns over that (do this in order exactly as instructed!). Top with jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt, sweatshirt (preferably from Eddie Bauer, Abercrombie, Hollister or other "cool" place to shop), and add a North Face zip fleece jacket (from Nordstrom) on top. Finally, pull on knit gloves topped by waterproof gloves and slip on a Gore-Tex or other suitable waterproof raincoat. Wear 1-2 pairs of socks, and waterproof shoes (i.e. very expensive hiking boots from REI or "Wellies" will do). In addition, take with you to the game: waterproof stadium seat, umbrella, Starbucks coffee of choice, sunglasses, sunscreen and two blankets (waterproof on one side, fleece on the other). Fill extra bag with snacks, extra sweatshirt, extra gloves and baby wipes (for the mud). If you are "snack mom" remember to also bring large, reusable Costco bag filled with two cases of Gatorade in assorted flavors and variety packs (2) of Nabisco treats. If you are "uber snack mom" make up individual snack bags with drink, healthy snack, sugary snack, and small toy. Fold bag over, seal with decorative baseball stickers and write each child's name in appropriate decorative font with a Sharpie marker on the outside.

After you set up to watch the game, use umbrella sparingly. You don't want to look like a tourist, yet you risk complete soaking if you are not careful. When rain turns to "high mist" or "actual drops" you may use the umbrella. Otherwise, let the humidity curl (or flatten) your hair. If this happens frequently, you might consider also adding cute hat to aforementioned bag. Hold Starbucks drink of choice with both hands, thus utilizing both the warming capacity and the nutritional value at the same time. Spread one blanket over your knees, and drape one around your shoulders. Cheer appropriately. If temperature reaches 47 degrees or higher, discreetly slip away to Port-A-Potty and remove long john layer (being careful to leave shorts and tank top layer underneeath), gloves, and North Face jacket. If temperature reaches 57 degrees, and it's no longer raining (or misting), remove rain jacket and sweatshirt. If the sun comes out at all, for any length of time, also remove long sleeve shirt, adjust tank top over jeans accordingly, and don sunglasses. If temperature reaches 60 degrees, it is officially "summer", therefore you must make another discreet exit to aforementioned Port-a-Potty to remove jeans, leaving shorts and tank top. You may also remove one layer of socks if you chose to wear two, but leave one pair on and replace REI boots or Wellies. Fold both blankets and place in bag. Tuck umbrella away under bleachers. Apply sunscreen. Wait. In ten minutes, when the sun goes behind the clouds, remove extra sweatshirt and drape over shoulders. In ten more minutes when cool wind breezes through and sky darkens, drape blanket over legs. Ten minutes later, when rain droplets begin to appear, don sweatshirt and drape waterproof rain jacket over shoulders. When deluge hits, grab bag and head to the car. Wiggle and stretch yourself back into original outfit. Get back to bleachers just after child hits a double. In ten minutes, when sun appears again, and steam begins to rise from bleachers, don sunglasses. Watch steam rise from own body. Feel sweat beads begin to form on lower back, brow, and under arms. Shiver as sudden cool breeze freezes sweat mid-production. Watch sky darken. When sudden downpour hits, realize it's "snack mom" time. Distribute soggy treats to muddy children, scoop up all aforementioned gear, dropping umbrella in mud puddle on the way to the car, load gear, player and rest of family into minivan. Arrive home to find sandy, muddy cleats resting on top of remaining snacks in bag, and Starbucks nearly empty cup dribbling tan liquid into bottom of bag. Clean car, do load of laundry, knock sand off cleats. Repeat 24 times between April and June.