Farting at Yoga

Tonight I will touch upon a sensitive subject. Farting at yoga. Yes, I said that. Because, you see, sometimes people fart at yoga. And it's not easy to hide. Yoga is done in silence. It's very quiet, save for the occasional groan or giggle when one lands on one's butt because they wear yoga pants that are too long. But I digress. I'm here to talk about farting in yoga. First, I must qualify this to say I have NEVER farted at yoga. Well, out loud anyways. But other people have and there's just nothing more humiliating than hearing someone rip one and wondering who it was (or worse, knowing for SURE who it was, and having to pretend you don't know). I, of course, find farting hysterical, even more so when amplified in an Om-type silence while flowing through our asanas. But I can't laugh out loud! Oh no, not when everyone is just moving along, pretending they didn't hear it (c'mon we ALL heard it) and acting all Zen-ed out and stuff. What-EVER! You know you are cracking up inside. But here's the thing - it's a wonder we don't ALL fart at yoga. Because some of those poses....well, let's just say they squeeze parts of you that should not be squeezed and if you HAPPEN to have a little extra air in there, well, it's gotta come out. Amplified. And in front of a crowd. Mortifying! Or maybe not. Because no one has ever 'fessed up to farting in yoga. Would you? Heck no, not when you can pretend it's someone else! You just flow along, moving through your poses like there was nary an interruption (oh me? No, I was just rocking this warrior pose). But it's like some people just don't CARE! I mean, after the ultimate mortification of actually FARTING out loud for everyone to hear, I couldn't NOT make fun of myself and crack up. I'd probably ruin the class for laughing out loud. But the farts I've heard? No ownership at all! They say you should "not eat a heavy meal two hours prior to class". I used to think, oh yeah, because all those forward folds and such, you might get a tummy ache from your dinner being squished up under your ribcage. But nooooo......it's so you don't offend your fellow yogis by ripping a loud one in the middle of child's pose when your butt is reaching for the heavens and all exposed and stuff. And why is farting so funny anyway? I mean, everyone does it, it's perfectly natural, but it cracks people up when it happens. There are even farting contests and fake fart sounds that make people bust a gut. So funny! But there is a time and a place and the middle of yoga is just so........quiet. I live in mortal fear of ripping one in yoga - you know, one of those that just slips out and you didn't even know it was coming? How can you stay grounded after that? Have I cursed myself by writing this post? Perhaps. Namaste!