Memory lane.....

I've spent most of this afternoon/evening going through old photos, keepsake stuff, etc. in an attempt to clean off the desk in my room and weed some stuff out. And in doing so, wow, have I taken a trip down memory lane! One drawer was my keepsake stuff. Lots of hand-drawn cards and such - a couple made me laugh like "Mommy, I am really sorry for sticking my tongue out!" and "Mommy, when I go to school do you miss me and wish I was home all the time?" or this one "Mommy and Daddy, what do you want for Christmas. I know, just our love right?" I found old calendars which I always keep and wow, do those hold some memories. Not to mention helping to date things. It's weird being divorced, too - I separated the keepsakes into piles "with Doug" and "with Jeff". I mean, it's kind of strange to have cards from two husbands professing their love to you when 1. one of them doesn't mean it anymore and 2. the other one might not appreciate that being mixed in with "our" memories. It makes scrapbooking harder too......like years ago I started a "family" scrapbook. I finished up to the point of Doug and I dating (starting at our childhoods). I asked Jeff what do I do with it now? And he said, you finish it, keep going the way you intended. That's your life. So, I thought that was a good attitude.

In the days before digital, I always made doubles when I had my pictures developed. Maybe somewhere deep inside I knew I'd be divorced someday, because that's come in really handy now........I can give Doug his own set of cherished photos. I hope he appreciates them as much as I do. Even if he never puts them in an album (and I certainly don't expect he would EVER scrapbook them) I hope he looks through them from time to time and remembers the sweet days of our kids' young childhoods. Every time I go through stuff I find a little more to give Doug. Of course, since I was the keeper of all things, I also found tonight many of his own childhood keepsakes, like his first communion certificate. I'll give all that back to him, but I'm glad I still have it. I think it's important to keep stuff like that (if for no other reason than to give your kids something to look through when you die - and figure out what to do with! HAHA).

I found all my emails and letters that people sent me after I did my first triathlon - and my article on the cover of the paper! I found all the Family Fun magazines we've been printed in. I found a scrapbook Jeff's mom sent us and I've never even seen all the photos in there. That's weird, too, to know your husband had this WHOLE OTHER life before you. Not that ALL spouses don't but when he's been married before........it's just weird to have family vacation photos that you are not in and were not present for. But again, like Jeff said, that's your life. And so you cherish ALL the memories, not just the ones you made together. It's kind of bittersweet to see photos of Arlie before she was "mine"! Even though I've known her since she was four, she wasn't part of our family until she was seven, so I missed a lot of her youngest years. I'm grateful for now, and getting to be here while she grows up, but I realize she had a whole other life before we were in it, too.

Anyway, it's fun and one of my favorite things to do. I'm alone at home and no one to interrupt me, so it's been a good time and I'm staying up way too late doing this. But so what? Who's going to wake me in the morning? I can sleep in........

I had planned to watch a movie by myself tonight (something Jeff would never want to watch w/ me) but this has been way more fun. And I can actually see the surface of my desk now........which is, in itself, a small miracle!