Teenagerese

As a public service, I am going to help those of you who are raising teenagers, or know teenagers, or stare at teenagers on the street and ask "Why?"

Today's PSA will be about "scrubbing." No, silly, not pots and pans. Not Pa's britches on a washboard. What are you, 90? Scrubbing is a WHOLE NEW TERM that refers to looking like shit on purpose.

Now, I know most of us have awakened in the morning, looked in the mirror and thought "eh," while throwing on some sweats, pulling our hair into a ponytail and heading off to the store for milk, hoping no one we know sees us while we're out looking all haggard. And, chances are, that is exactly when you will run into at least three people who know you well and will forever judge you for looking like you just rolled out of bed (because you did) and perhaps might whisper behind your back "She looks terrible - bet she's got a drinking problem!"

But now, lucky you, it's in FASHION! Except to be truly "scrubbing" (which, by the way, is pronounced scrubbin' with the "g" left off), you have to now actually PLAN your outfit for the next day. Because, you know, looking like crap takes time and careful planning. You will carefully choose sweats, a t-shirt or sweatshirt (perhaps you'll even be a quirky scrubber and pick out an oversized grandma sweater from the thrift store - oh, so chic, thank you Macklemore!), and put your hair in a "messy bun" which is a DELIBERATE style, and not really a mess at all. You might even wear minimal makeup - gasp! And off to school you go, all messy/cute like you didn't really try (but we all know you did).

Kids, I hate to break it to you, but moms have cornered the market on scrubbing for YEARS. You thought the flannel pajama pants and bunny slippers at the bus stop were an accident? The fact that we have "good" yoga pants and yoga pants only fit for housework? The shirt we still wear that has both spit up stains from when you were an infant and paint splatters from your ten-year-old "pink" phase? And don't even get me started on the mom jeans. Acid-wash anyone?

Hey, I like to be comfortable as much as the next person, but this scrubbing trend borders on one of my biggest pet peeves which is the "wear pajama pants in public" trend. Seriously, who is so lazy they can't even pull on real pants?

Oh, and I'm pretty sure scrubbing applies to girls only because aren't boys pretty much ALWAYS scrubbing? How hard is it - jeans and a t-shirt every day, no makeup, maybe a little hair-gel drama, but being a boy is WAY easier in the fashion department.

I'm all for leaving the ten layers of mascara off, and sporting a simple style, but if you're going to stress over an outfit (or, in my house, ask your sister to help you pull off the ultimate lazy look), might as well make it a cute one and leave the sweats at home. Seriously, if I knew this was going to be a trend, I'd have saved my money and bought everyone Champion sweats and t-shirts at Target for school this year. Scrubbin'!