Why I take selfies...........

Selfies. Love 'em or hate 'em, they're here to stay. Photos have been around for ages - it's how we record our lives through the generations. Once, a photo took ages to produce and the results were the grainy, grim faces of our forefathers. Were they unhappy? Probably not, but they couldn't hold their smile that long. Now, we have instant photos and the ability to produce hundreds, if not thousands, of them a day if we wish. So, it's only natural that the "selfie" was created. Traveling solo? No problem - you can still look back on your vacation pictures thanks to selfies. Even better, they now have a "selfie stick" that allows you to capture an even bigger background and more interesting angles. No longer will you just have the memories in your head. My husband, I believe, was one of the original "selfie" pioneers. Looking through his high-school and college-day photos, there are many of his grinning face filling up the frame - selfies before selfies were cool! But he wanted to capture himself in a fun situation - camping, surfing, hiking - all things he often pursued solo with no one to hold the camera. 

So, why do I take selfies? The reasons are many, not the least of which is the fact that I am the photographer in the family. I'm almost never in pictures, so if one were to look back on our photo memories, it might appear that mom wasn't there at all. But I'm here! I lived! I enjoyed! I had fun! So, from time to time, I snap a picture of myself. 

I took this one because Hannah and I were waiting for the rest of our group to do the climbing wall at camp. Neither of us was about to put our asses in those unflattering harnesses, so we spent our time being goofy for the camera. And, really, my face? 

I took this one because Jeff and I were on an overnight trip, no kids, and I'm pretty sure I had just had my hair done because my highlights are on point here. Also, because this is our "traditional" selfie that we take on nearly every adventure we have. 

I took this one because we were hiking to Avalanche Lake in Glacier National Park and it was SO hot and we were tired and this huge, flat boulder was SO cool and refreshing. Plus, how weird did we look all pressed up against a boulder in a row while other hikers passed by? I like weird. 

I took this one with my sweet great-nephew, Kaden, because we took a similar one a year before and I was going to do a "transformation Tuesday" on Instagram, but of course I never got around to it. 

I took this one because I was relaxing by the pool in San Jose and I had a fruity adult beverage and I wanted the world (and my kids when they look back) to see that mom REALLY enjoyed her rare moments of indulgent alone time (full disclosure: Hannah was actually with me on this trip, but she was enjoying her own fruity beverage and not bothering me). 

Sometimes I like to take selfies to say "HEY WORLD! Look who I met!" In this case, it was Elaine Ambrose, an author I admire, who was attending the BlogHer conference in San Jose. We had JUST met in person and she immediately ordered up margaritas for us. She's my kind of gal!

I took this one because I was amused at the teeny-tiny ice cream cone sample I got at BlogHer and I liked how it turned out - huge eyes, pouty lips, flawless skin - thanks, filters!

This one was because Hannah and I were relishing the moment that we were on a vacation together,  attending a blogging conference which was a first for both of us! I wanted her to remember that we had so much fun on this trip.

This one was because we were being silly and look at my glasses! And the photobomber in the background. I want my kids to remember that mom was goofy. 

I took this one for pure vanity. I felt pretty, so I wanted to share my prettiness with my social networks. I want my kids to know that even though I complain about my looks I do, actually, sometimes feel pretty enough to want to take my own picture. 

I took this one in an elevator. Why? Because there was a mirror on the ceiling. No other reason. 

I took this one because the sun was setting on La Jolla beach, my 46-year-old husband was surfing the waves, it was a relaxed and wonderful time and I wanted to capture a picture of me, sun-drenched on the beach, happy and content. I would want my kids to look back on this one day and see that mom had her own life and she enjoyed it!

I took this one because I'm silly. And I like to make people laugh. 

This one was because Hannah and I felt so pretty this day AND we were given these gorgeous flowers, which just happen to be my favorite, so we snapped this pic and it remains one of my favorites!

I took this one at Olive Garden. My hair was straightened. I love this pictures of me and Harrison!

I took this one because I love to kayak and I really wanted to take a picture of me kayaking but it's really hard to do that when you're sitting in a kayak. Guess I need a selfie stick? 

This one I took so I could remember what it was like to see myself holding a baby. Mine are so grown up now!

This one was because I was enjoying my time with Jeff on a trip - just the two of us - and wanted to have a memory of that day and the background of the beach and palm trees around us. 

I took this one because my parents' dog, Sweetie Pie, jumped up on my bed and was being so cute. It's blurry and not the greatest, but I wanted to remember cuddling with this cute Basset Hound!

I don't think this needs any explanation! But I will say, FOUR WEEK OLD PUPPY!

Mommy enjoys a drink now and then. Is that a crime? 

This was a before and after of the day I got my hair done and Marie, my hairdresser, straightened it or me. How could I NOT capture this transformation? It was fun to be different for a day or two. 

I love this picture I took of myself with my cell phone! It shows how I look most of the time when we're on an adventure - faceless behind a camera. I LOVE my pictures, but sometimes, I want to be IN them too. This satisfies both and shows my "baby" - my beloved camera that has brought me so much joy!

I took this one because even I couldn't believe how wild my mane was! This was the result of walking on Cannon Beach for an hour in the wind. Holy Medusa!

This was a lazy Sunday at the beach, making daisy chains. I put mine on, looked into my cellphone and saw these angelic sun rays coming down. I like it because it shows me sort of hippie-ish and not mom-like. Who doesn't want to be a flower fairy once in a while? 

I took this one because my hair was fabulous that day. Again, vanity? Sure, but any female knows that all good hair days should be documented. 

This one was taken on the way to the airport for a vacation to San Diego with Jeff. I had a flower in my hair. I liked how it turned out after I put filters on it. Then, I used it as my profile picture on Facebook. 

I like to take pictures from above - they are so much more flattering. I'm not sure if I felt confident this day or if I was just bored waiting somewhere, but I like how my eyes and my shirt match.

This one is awful - my hair is crazy and we look weird, but I was trying to capture "HEY! We're on a cable car in San Francisco!" Sometimes, selfies fail. 

I just snapped this one really quick when Jeff and I sat on some concrete steps in Chinatown to rest for a second. I don't know why but I liked it so I kept it. 

Occasionally, I'll take a selfie for something promotional - like my friend Robin O'Bryant's book release! 

This was one day in the summer, a few years back, when I took just Arlie downtown. We visited Pike Place Market and bought beautiful flowers. It was a fun, rare day with just Arlie and me.

This one was another "I'm on the beach, look how relaxed I am. I don't have to yell at anyone to do the dishes or pick up the cheese stick wrapper on the floor. I don't even know where my kids are right now. And yet, I'm still functioning. And it's sunny. And I haven't a care in the world as I roll up my pants and wade in the ocean. Ain't life grand?"

Walking out the door, I popped this on my head. Nothing special, it's just a tiara. It's my SON'S tiara. He's 15. But isn't it a fabulous one? I don't see why I couldn't wear this to work. 

For some reason, I wanted to commemorate the day I went out on a boat and had my hair blown around at 40 mph on the water and all that happened was my bangs got straighter. No Medusa locks. Thank God for Goody hair bands!

I don't have many selfies with my ever-elusive adult daughter (and her cat!) so I snapped this one, clearly by the front door as she was leaving (again!). 

And occasionally, I take weirdo selfies. Like this one night when there was a supermoon............

Why do YOU take selfies? 

I just can't............

Today I was really tired. I'm not sure why, but I yawned all the way through work, lunch with a friend, and checking my email when I got home. I felt so drained. I scrolled through Facebook, and saw several video clips and things I normally would have taken the time to watch/read, but it was just TOO MUCH. I decided I really needed a nap, so even though it was 5 p.m. and even though I should probably have started making dinner, and even though.......whatever, I decided to take a nap.

But first, I read this. I love this author/writer/mom blogger - she is SO entertaining and down-to-earth and just so full of love for her little girls, it's refreshing. I can relate to so many of her posts and her writing is laugh-out-loud funny. She totally deserves this amazing honor - her e-book "Ketchup is a Vegetable" hit #3 on the NYT best-seller list for e-books. Plus she's lost a lot of weight and started RUNNING, of all God-forsaken things.

And I realized - these are all things I want to do. I'm not ashamed to admit I felt the pang of jealousy and wondered if I might ever know the joy of getting such an honor for my writing or know what it's like to be fit and healthy? I know "I can do it" because that's what everyone says (including Robin!). And I know it's up to me - no one else can do it for me, no amount of encouragement will fabricate results - only I can make it happen.

And it's SO HARD. I love my writing - truly, it's my passion - the one thing that fuels me. I write for me. If someone else enjoys it, that's a bonus. I've always been a writer, but until this blog, my writing was a necessity - an assignment, a letter, an email. Sure, I've kept journals for my kids, written a few anecdotes. But when I started this blog, I realized I had a wealth of material right in front of me. My family, blended and blessed, and all the challenges we faced, all the joys, all the funny stuff. I wanted to memorialize it. It was like a journal for everyone.

This summer I started getting the stories in my blog organized to see if I had some book material. I have a couple of book ideas sprung from my blog, and I figured I needed to organize my nearly 900 posts into some sort of categories. Plus, I'm sure I've repeated myself over the years. But even with the stretch of summer and freedom that I enjoy from working in the school district and having summers off, there never seemed to be enough time and I didn't finish it. Yet.

Once school started, I found myself in a pattern - work part-time, spend a couple of hours each day running errands or occasionally meeting a friend for lunch, come home, stay busy for several hours with "home stuff" and finding myself too tired to work out, write, or do much of anything. I don't like it. I would like more than anything to stay home and write. My newly-graduated daughter is doing that - and has spent every day since her graduation doing just that. I'm glad she's pursuing her passion, and I don't want to discourage her, but as all writers know, writing does not pay the bills - at least not right away! In her case, she has no bills to pay, but she's an adult now, and will have to enroll in school or get a job - that's just reality. That's my reality.

I want to write like it's my job, and then make it my job. And as Robin said "what if I never started?" I feel as though I've started but I'm stuck. I've started working out, eating right, and then there's a birthday or a holiday or just coffee with my friend where the pastries are all too tempting. Or I get sick. Or injured. Or any number of things that derail me. And I KNOW I can't stop, I have to jump right back in, but it's so much easier (and less stressful) to take it easy on myself. To allow myself the excuses that keep me from moving forward.

I do believe that a lot of people "get lucky." That they know someone, or have a money source, or some other way in which they are advantaged over the rest of us. But I also know there are so many who are just like me. People who love to write. Someone who wants to get in shape, to learn to run, to DO something different and shake things up. And there are those who have so much drive - they won't stop until they meet their goals, and then they create newer, bigger goals and just keep going.

Goals scare me. I feel like they are failures on a list. I feel terrible when I've set a goal and I don't achieve it. I stopped making New Year's resolutions years ago, because it seemed they only lasted a day or two. Where people get that drive and determination confounds me. Of course we all slip up. It's being able to jump back in with even more resolve than before that eludes me.

I tell myself I am my most productive in the mornings. Maybe it's true, but that means I spend my most productive times at my job. I'm also rather inspired at night and a lot of my writing happens late. But I have the pressure of needing to get to bed because I have to wake up to an early alarm, so I cut myself short. I'm tired almost all the time. I know regular exercise and a good diet would help that. But I come home too tired to work out, and my meal times are all wonky because of my work schedule. I try to tweak things and get exercise wherever I can, but it's never going to be enough to see real change. Just like writing a blog post every few days is never going to write my book.

I applaud Robin, and others like her, who have done this and more. Even with their children (younger than mine!), their laundry, their errands, carpools, soccer practices, and all the never-ending details of daily life. Not surprisingly, this is where their material comes from. Their daily life, the funny things their kids say and do - these are what fill the pages of their books. If I never write anything but the blog book of our lives only for my children's eyes, I will be happy and feel accomplished. I don't need a ton of praise or kudos. Those are the icing on the cake. But what I do need is to fulfill a really big goal. To know I can do it. To "kick life's ass." Just like Robin. You go, girl! And with any luck (and hard work), I'll be right behind you, either with a keyboard or my running shoes. I just can't stop. I can't get stuck. Gotta keep moving.