Primitive toilets and lost sleep...........

Next weekend I will embark upon an adventure with my husband, Mountain Man. You see, he typically goes "hunting" around this time of year - sometimes for elk or deer or, in this year's case, grouse. Because his big-game pursuits have yielded less than stellar results (for him, anyway....I tend to cheer for the game!) in previous years. And last year, snow foiled the plans and led to an early departure. So, this year he and his mountain man friends decided they would go grouse hunting in late September.

Mountain Man has taken to calling his hunting adventures "walking in the woods with a gun" because rarely is anything harmed. He enjoys the outdoors, gathering around the campfire, and spending days on end with no plumbing or electricity. I, myself, delight in WiFi and flushing toilets, so I have never joined him in this "hunt". But this year he has convinced me to jump on the bandwagon and spend four days in the great outdoors.

As a result, I have lost an inordinate amount of sleep worrying about the potty situation.

For the past decade or so, I've regularly risen at least once per night to use the bathroom. I stumble in the pitch-black to the familiar cubicle and do my business without worrying about mosquitos biting my bum, a bumbling bear interrupting my bathroom business, or tripping on a root and having a dirt snack. And I'd really like to keep it that way. So, the thought of trekking several hundred yards to the community pit toilet, carrying the TP and hand sanitizer with me so as to signal others that I'm the one using the items missing from the coffee can at the end of the trail, and squatting over a primitive toilet, gives me nightmares.

Mountain Man, bless his heart, has agreed to bring our portable potty seat (basically a camping chair with a hole in it and a velcro cover designed specifically for the purpose of pottying outdoors) and a pop-up cover so I can do my business in our own version of a vinyl outhouse. He says he will dig a deep hole under the camping chair. Which also gives me nightmares - we all know a great number of small animals enjoy living in holes. Maybe not ones with potty business in them, but still. He assures me this portable poop house will be near enough to the minivan that I won't have to trek far in the night, but also far enough away so any errant odors are contained (I plan to bring PooPourri).

We will sleep in our minivan and I've purchased a nifty camping pad with inflatable pillows with which we will make a cozy nest. Mountain Man planned to bring his entire primitive tent set-up but has since reconsidered due to space constraints. We will also need to bring sleeping bags, warm clothing, food for four days, and enough water to drink, wash and cook. I will need to bring many things to entertain me, as there is no WiFi, nor cell service (gasp!) and I may be spending long periods of time alone at the campsite as others go on their "hunts". Sure, I can join Mountain Man whilst trekking through the woods looking for tiny, innocent birds to ambush, but hunting isn't really my thing - I'd rather shoot pictures than bullets, so I will be exploring solo.

Which brings me to other dangers that keep me awake at night. Cougars, for one. Yes, it's extremely rare to even see, much less be attacked by, a cougar, but it's happened in our area twice just this summer so I'm planning to keep my eyes wide open. And perhaps carry a firearm. Also, the woods are the perfect place for crazed killers to prey. Who's to say I won't encounter a serial killer on the trails? Bears enjoy foraging for food in the woods, and I'll technically be in THEIR house so what are the chances one of them will give chase? Honestly, I'll probably just stay safely locked in the minivan, perhaps hiding under the covers in the back with the safety of the tinted windows.

Why am I even going on this trip? For one thing, I love road trips with Mountain Man and this trip takes us almost to Canada on the East side of the mountains so the adventure involves quite a drive. Second, he has promised me picturesque scenery and perhaps some fall foliage photo ops. We also plan to drive by a gorgeous lake I've always wanted to see. He expressed how much he's always wanted my company on one of these trips and I now have the flexibility in my job to join him. And I get to see a side of him I rarely get to witness - his interaction and involvement with his fellow mountain men.

It would be so easy to just say no. To stay home in my warm house and fritter away a weekend doing nothing or lots of things. But I'm all in. Even though I'm super anxious about the whole thing. Four days of no shower, an icky potty, no makeup, no WiFi, lots of alone time........it's enough to put me into a full-blown frenzy. But I aim to embrace it, to disconnect and see where it takes me.

Even though I'm losing sleep over it. To adventure!

That time I cut my hair so I could look like my Bitmoji....

So, my hair has been bugging me lately. This is not new. I have very curly, very thick hair that does its own thing no matter how much money I spend getting it cut and styled. It's a wild mane, and I spent my formative years cursing my hair and longing for silky, flowing locks. Alas, my hair has remained wiry, frizzy and unmanageable.

The ends of my hair dry out the fastest and when I'm in need of a haircut it's pretty obvious how much needs to be cut by looking at how much length has gone from curly to frizzy. I've been needing a trim. And the other day, I realized I like how my Bitmoji's hair looked, so why not get that haircut?

For those who do not know what a Bitmoji is, it's an animated version of yourself - essentially a comic/cartoon version that you create. Once created, your Bitmoji can be used essentially like an emoji - to express a certain feeling or sentiment in a text or social media post. It's silly and completely useless but it's also kind of fun. When you create your Bitmoji, you have to be really honest with yourself. For instance, you have the option to add wrinkles and make yourself pudgy.

This is what my Bitmoji looks like. Notice I gave her some wrinkles! 

So, last night I went to bed with my hair wet from the shower. It was freshly-washed and there was no product in it (although I did condition liberally in the shower). Here is what it looked like when I woke up today: 

As you can see, it's very.......electrified. Normally when I go to bed with my hair wet, I just have to dunk my whole head in the shower the next morning and get it saturated. Then, I proceed to put massive amounts of styling products in my hair and hope for the best. But, today, I decided to try something different. I thought, perhaps, I could use the flat iron to smooth and curl my hair into something more manageable. So, I spent several minutes smoothing and twirling and smelling burning hair and this is the result: 

Besides being a little less frizzy, I'm not exactly sure how this improved things. Clearly, I needed another strategy. Styling product! Yes, that would fix it! 

Except....it didn't. This is after I slathered a liberal amount of shea butter leave-in conditioner in my hair. Definitely not improved. It was clear I needed to employ my tried-and-true method of dunking my head in the shower. But first, I fluffed it. 

Who needs volumizer? I got your volume right here, baby! 

The drowned rat look is becoming on me, no? This is me with my hair dripping after spending several minutes twisting and turning my head to saturate my hair with water. 

And this is me, using my trusty "Turbie Twist" towel that squeezes my hair up tightly, wringing all those drips out. Might as well do my makeup while I'm waiting........

This is what I start with. My trusty Olay moisturizer. It has SPF 15 and isn't terribly expensive. I've been using it for years and it works, so I'm not changing things. Mostly I just appreciate that it keeps my face from getting sunburned since I can't remember to sunscreen the rest of me. 

I also use this - neck and chest moisturizer. I don't know if it works, but I read a book once by Nora Ephron entitled "I Feel Bad About My Neck" and it made me self-conscious so I decided I better start moisturizing below my chin. Also, I heard a commercial for this lotion and decided to try it. It's probably nothing special but I recently noticed some wrinkling on my neck area so now I'm paranoid. 

After that I use this cream. Well, today I did. Because I just bought it. I had another one but I got this one for reasons I will tell you about below. P.S. I liked this one. #notasponsoredpost

I was using this cream. It was a "sample" at Sephora, but it cost like $23 so that's hardly a sample price. I figured if "BB" cream was good "CC" cream had to be better, right? Plus, look at that SPF! And honestly? I really liked this CC cream until I accidentally spilled a big blob into the sink. I tried to rinse it with hot water. I used soap. I used shampoo. Finally I had to just wipe it out with paper towels. This stuff is water-resistant to the point that I wonder if any of it really ever washed off my face when I was using it and maybe I just have layer upon layer of greasy, impenetrable cover-up on the surface of my skin. I prefer cosmetics that actually wash off with soap and water, hence the new purchase of BB cream. Taking a step back. Also? Calm down, Sephora. 

Next I use this expensive powder that was a gift for my birthday last year. It's nice, but my $8.99 Cover Girl loose powder works just as well. 

Then I "do" my eyebrows. As you can see from the first make-up-less photo, my eyebrows are pretty much non-existent. I USED to have lush, bushy eyebrows that needed to be tamed with a hedge trimmer. But suddenly I got older and they disappeared. Now I have to enhance them with eyebrow stuff. I'm not sure what the official term is. 

This is the eyebrow stuff. As you can see, there is a waxy, dark substance you are supposed to apply with the brush end of this applicator. What brush end, you ask? Oh yes, the brush end that fell apart when I tried to wash it once. All the bristles fell out so I just don't use this portion any more. Instead, I use the applicator to apply the medium brown stuff to my eyebrows to make them appear and then I used the other side to apply this "highlighter" stuff that really doesn't do anything at all. 

After the eyebrows, I do the eyes. This involves a neutral eye shadow, applied with a brush however I feel like it because I have no idea what all the brushes and techniques are about. And so I get this: 

Also, I'm not sure why my face is so long in this picture. But, as you can see, the eyelids have some color on them. Yay. I'm done.  Except for mascara. 

Today I used this, but I have about six different mascaras in my drawer. This is because ALL mascara smudges under my eyes, no matter what I do, and so I keep trying new ones in an attempt to find one that doesn't. This one smudges LESS so it's the preferred brand at the moment. By the way, it needs more than one coat and does not thicken the lashes, despite what the container says. 

Oh yeah! Back to my hair! This is what it looks like when I take off the Turbie Twist towel. Like wet noodles. There's still a lot of work to be done. 

Remember - I wanted the haircut of my Bitmoji.  But I am very impatient and I don't have time to wait for a salon appointment so I figured I could do it myself! 

I know - it SEEMS like a bad idea. I am not a hairdresser. I have no skills or experience. I am attempting to cut my hair to look like a cartoon. Is this wise? Is it even sane? Probably not, but I was going to attempt it, regardless. First, I combed my hair out. 

This is what my hair looks like after I comb it out. My comb is permanently bent at a slight angle because of all the tangles, and I usually have a small handful of hair to remove from the comb afterward from all the tangly, dry, damaged hair that gets yanked out from combing. 

Then, I combed my hair into basically the style of my Bitmoji. Clearly I was going to need to remove some length here. My hair was quite long - it shrinks up about 50% when it dries. So, cutting it wet can have disastrous consequences if you're not careful. Also? I am not careful. 

As I began my careful cutting hack job, I realized my hair was drying pretty fast. This part was getting frizzy already! 

These are all the products I currently have in my arsenal. On any given day I will have at least one but up to five of these products in my hair. None of it is enough. I could put mayonnaise in my hair and it would not look greasy. My hair sucks up these products and more, including straight coconut oil, and still has a halo of frizz. There will never be enough styling product for my hair. 

Since my hair is so thick, I started with it half-up so I could work on the underside first and work up from there, layer by layer. Can you see my gray roots? Yeah, I color them every two weeks and I still get this. I should probably just give up and embrace the gray, but I am NOT READY. 

Ok, almost finished. I think I did it. I know the back and sides have some uneven places, which I had my daughter correct later, but for now, it's looking pretty good. I cut quite a bit off. Want to see? 

This actually doesn't look like much, but it's all length. When I thin my hair, which is accomplished using a pair of weird scissors that makes random cuts along the hair, I've filled the entire sink before! 

Ok, now I'm dressed for the day and I can't believe it! I actually did it. I cut off my hair so I could look like my Bitmoji. Who DOES this? 

It feels so much.......less. The tangly feeling I get when I run my hands through my hair is gone. My bangs need to grow a bit longer, but for the most part, it's pretty close! 

Done! Yay! 

I made sure I could still pull it up into a pony tail, too, since that's how I wear my hair most days. But now I can actually wear it down and not worry about "triangle head" or the fact that my hair grows all day long (well, actually that still happens but there's less to tame now). I will enjoy looking like my Bitmoji for now. And once it grows out again, maybe I'll just change my Bitmoji to match ME!