Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I don't f*cking want to!

I don't know why, but I always have a hard time actually writing out the "F" word on social media, or anywhere else, really, except in texts to my husband, so I put that little star there like that makes it any better. But, I really enjoy the "F" word as an adjective (and occasionally as a noun or verb) and so I continue to use it because it's really quite eloquent in its own way.

Now that I've explained myself, this post is about things I really do not want to do.

I don't want to drive my kids around everywhere all the time. So, today I didn't. Now that two of my three still living at home can drive, why should I have to drive anywhere, really? I already went to the grocery store today, so my daughter took my son to the dentist. And it made me realize how often I'm someplace I really don't need to be, except to be the driver. How many hours I've spent watching dance classes and baseball games in the rain, reading People magazine at the dentist (wait, that's actually a plus), being pissed off at the ortho because their WiFi sucks so I'm forced to read some inane parenting magazine, sitting in the parking lot at rehearsal because it's only an hour and I don't have time to go home, all my errands are done, and if I go anywhere I'll just spend money I don't have on stuff I don't get the picture.

Sure, sometimes that's fun stuff - like when your kid makes a good play or sticks their cartwheel on the beam and you got to see it. I was never the drop-off mom - I stuck around to watch or help. But now that they are old enough to drive, does my kid really need me to stick around for an hour while they get their teeth cleaned? Nope.

I also don't want to make dinner. Like, never. Well, that's a lie - four or five times a year I'm struck with some domestic virus that makes me actually enjoy cooking and I glow with pride that I've prepared a home-cooked meal. But most of the time, I cook dinner because I have to. Or do I? It's not like I'm feeding toddlers anymore. No one needs me to cut their meat or scream at them to eat their vegetables. Everyone is capable of putting food in their mouths, even if they are too lazy to make more than cereal because taquitos take a minute and fifteen seconds in the microwave. So, DO I have to cook? Sometimes I just don't f*cking want to.

I never want to clean up someone else's mess. This includes cups, cheese stick wrappers, dishes that have not been rinsed off, discarded socks, and used napkins. But I do it. On the daily. I've spent almost twenty-one years running in the never-ending circle of cleaning one mess while creating another. What if I just stopped? Hmmmm...........

Some days I don't want to do anything. I just want to come home from work, sit on my ass in front of the computer trolling Facebook, or binge on repeat episodes of "Criminal Minds" or just crawl into bed and read a book. And, really, what's stopping me? Sure, there's the guilt that I "have" to feed everyone or do something productive. But sometimes, I just don't f*cking want to. And that's just fine with me.

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