November 19 So lazy............

Today is my Friday. I work M-Th and today at work, about a half hour before I was off, I got that "HELL, YEAH! IT'S FRIDAY!" feeling, only on a Thursday. And that, my friends, is a great feeling.

I arrived at work today on an empty gas tank - ok, not empty, I had four miles left - but it was clear I needed to acquire some gas before I went home, since I live ten miles from work. So, I headed down to the Safeway so I could use my gas points.

I hate pumping gas. And I really hate it when the stupid pump isn't working. It would not accept my Safeway card. So, I had to go INSIDE (I know!) and ask the lady to help me. She had me type in my phone number but nothing came up. I used my old phone number and my ex-husband's information came up. I should have just used his gas points, because he stole my Fred Meyer points for FOUR years after we divorced before I realized it. But, my halo was burnin' so I didn't. I did, however, finally have to succumb to pre-paying since even the station attendant couldn't make the pump work. I decided to be conservative and had her put $40 on the pump. It stopped at $37.31. So, I had to go BACK inside and get my change. SIGH. I really hate getting gas in my car. I wish my husband would just fill it up once a week so I didn't have to deal with it (adjusts pearls).

Anyway, the beautiful thing was, I didn't really have any other errands to do so I knew I could just go home and relax. What a feeling! I stopped by Starbucks, of course, so I could relax while enjoying a holiday beverage.

When I got home, I saw two kids' cars in the driveway. Oh. So much for my solitude, sipping my peppermint beverage and munching on a marshmallow krispy bar while checking my social media. I mean, I LOVE my kids but I was not expecting them to be home. One zipped out the door minutes after I arrived and the other one took off not 30 minutes later, so I actually DID have my solitude and my treats and my social media, even if it was slightly delayed.

And that's pretty much all I did the rest of the night. I sat on my ample ass and scrolled through Facebook, and did some online shopping, and checked my email.

You know what I got up for? To make food and video tape my husband flipping a plastic cup off his ass. Not kidding. I'm telling you, Thursday nights around here are riveting.

I'm so tired I could go to bed right now and it's 7:22 p.m. It's also freezing in my house and I actually got a heater and put it on the chair next to me. Which is only making me sleepy. Or sleepier.

Meanwhile, Mountain Man biked three miles home in the 45 degree weather, and immediately set to making things out of leather and sticks and stuff. He's been a busy bee all night, going back and forth to the garage. He gets shit DONE. And, yeah, I always manage to get done what needs to be done, but he makes me look like a sloth. I could be doing any number of things today instead of wasting my life on social media. Like: cleaning the house, baking for our Friendsgiving this weekend, organizing my office, making jewelry, scrapbooking, doing laundry, organizing cabinets, brushing the dog,

I think I thrive on crisis mode, because instead of doing a little bit every day to get ready to have people over, I just go bat-shit crazy the day of the event and get myself worked into a sweaty frenzy cleaning, prepping and shouting orders at the kids. I make mental notes of things needing to be done, details I want to attend to. You know what's been on my mind all week? The fact that I want to tie raffia around the decorative holiday tea towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I have a thousand things to do and the one detail my brain holds all week is tying raffia bows on towels. I'm sick, I tell ya. I need an intervention.

I think I'll beg the husband to make me a milkshake and go to bed early.

I don't f*cking want to!

I don't know why, but I always have a hard time actually writing out the "F" word on social media, or anywhere else, really, except in texts to my husband, so I put that little star there like that makes it any better. But, I really enjoy the "F" word as an adjective (and occasionally as a noun or verb) and so I continue to use it because it's really quite eloquent in its own way.

Now that I've explained myself, this post is about things I really do not want to do.

I don't want to drive my kids around everywhere all the time. So, today I didn't. Now that two of my three still living at home can drive, why should I have to drive anywhere, really? I already went to the grocery store today, so my daughter took my son to the dentist. And it made me realize how often I'm someplace I really don't need to be, except to be the driver. How many hours I've spent watching dance classes and baseball games in the rain, reading People magazine at the dentist (wait, that's actually a plus), being pissed off at the ortho because their WiFi sucks so I'm forced to read some inane parenting magazine, sitting in the parking lot at rehearsal because it's only an hour and I don't have time to go home, all my errands are done, and if I go anywhere I'll just spend money I don't have on stuff I don't need......you get the picture.

Sure, sometimes that's fun stuff - like when your kid makes a good play or sticks their cartwheel on the beam and you got to see it. I was never the drop-off mom - I stuck around to watch or help. But now that they are old enough to drive, does my kid really need me to stick around for an hour while they get their teeth cleaned? Nope.

I also don't want to make dinner. Like, never. Well, that's a lie - four or five times a year I'm struck with some domestic virus that makes me actually enjoy cooking and I glow with pride that I've prepared a home-cooked meal. But most of the time, I cook dinner because I have to. Or do I? It's not like I'm feeding toddlers anymore. No one needs me to cut their meat or scream at them to eat their vegetables. Everyone is capable of putting food in their mouths, even if they are too lazy to make more than cereal because taquitos take a minute and fifteen seconds in the microwave. So, DO I have to cook? Sometimes I just don't f*cking want to.

I never want to clean up someone else's mess. This includes cups, cheese stick wrappers, dishes that have not been rinsed off, discarded socks, and used napkins. But I do it. On the daily. I've spent almost twenty-one years running in the never-ending circle of cleaning one mess while creating another. What if I just stopped? Hmmmm...........

Some days I don't want to do anything. I just want to come home from work, sit on my ass in front of the computer trolling Facebook, or binge on repeat episodes of "Criminal Minds" or just crawl into bed and read a book. And, really, what's stopping me? Sure, there's the guilt that I "have" to feed everyone or do something productive. But sometimes, I just don't f*cking want to. And that's just fine with me.

Sunday...

Sunday

Stretchy, sleepy, no-alarm
Dozing, slow-moving
Time for breakfast
Lazy
Sunday

I love you!

Frantic, rushing
Procrastinating consequences
I know I forgot something
Where did the weekend go?
Planning, packing
Sunday

I hate you.