Today is my Friday. I work M-Th and today at work, about a half hour before I was off, I got that "HELL, YEAH! IT'S FRIDAY!" feeling, only on a Thursday. And that, my friends, is a great feeling.
I arrived at work today on an empty gas tank - ok, not empty, I had four miles left - but it was clear I needed to acquire some gas before I went home, since I live ten miles from work. So, I headed down to the Safeway so I could use my gas points.
I hate pumping gas. And I really hate it when the stupid pump isn't working. It would not accept my Safeway card. So, I had to go INSIDE (I know!) and ask the lady to help me. She had me type in my phone number but nothing came up. I used my old phone number and my ex-husband's information came up. I should have just used his gas points, because he stole my Fred Meyer points for FOUR years after we divorced before I realized it. But, my halo was burnin' so I didn't. I did, however, finally have to succumb to pre-paying since even the station attendant couldn't make the pump work. I decided to be conservative and had her put $40 on the pump. It stopped at $37.31. So, I had to go BACK inside and get my change. SIGH. I really hate getting gas in my car. I wish my husband would just fill it up once a week so I didn't have to deal with it (adjusts pearls).
Anyway, the beautiful thing was, I didn't really have any other errands to do so I knew I could just go home and relax. What a feeling! I stopped by Starbucks, of course, so I could relax while enjoying a holiday beverage.
When I got home, I saw two kids' cars in the driveway. Oh. So much for my solitude, sipping my peppermint beverage and munching on a marshmallow krispy bar while checking my social media. I mean, I LOVE my kids but I was not expecting them to be home. One zipped out the door minutes after I arrived and the other one took off not 30 minutes later, so I actually DID have my solitude and my treats and my social media, even if it was slightly delayed.
And that's pretty much all I did the rest of the night. I sat on my ample ass and scrolled through Facebook, and did some online shopping, and checked my email.
You know what I got up for? To make food and video tape my husband flipping a plastic cup off his ass. Not kidding. I'm telling you, Thursday nights around here are riveting.
I'm so tired I could go to bed right now and it's 7:22 p.m. It's also freezing in my house and I actually got a heater and put it on the chair next to me. Which is only making me sleepy. Or sleepier.
Meanwhile, Mountain Man biked three miles home in the 45 degree weather, and immediately set to making things out of leather and sticks and stuff. He's been a busy bee all night, going back and forth to the garage. He gets shit DONE. And, yeah, I always manage to get done what needs to be done, but he makes me look like a sloth. I could be doing any number of things today instead of wasting my life on social media. Like: cleaning the house, baking for our Friendsgiving this weekend, organizing my office, making jewelry, scrapbooking, doing laundry, organizing cabinets, brushing the dog,
I think I thrive on crisis mode, because instead of doing a little bit every day to get ready to have people over, I just go bat-shit crazy the day of the event and get myself worked into a sweaty frenzy cleaning, prepping and shouting orders at the kids. I make mental notes of things needing to be done, details I want to attend to. You know what's been on my mind all week? The fact that I want to tie raffia around the decorative holiday tea towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I have a thousand things to do and the one detail my brain holds all week is tying raffia bows on towels. I'm sick, I tell ya. I need an intervention.
I think I'll beg the husband to make me a milkshake and go to bed early.
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Go away, week!
This past week has been exhausting for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which involved a broken back and a flu shot. Oh, and it's only Thursday. Let me explain.
On Monday I worked then did a quick grocery trip to a nearby grocery store, which happened to be Grocery Outlet. Grocery Outlet is sketchy at best, and sells interesting foods like your favorite breakfast cereal only in a totally weird flavor you've never heard of. But they also have an expansive wine collection which is also maybe sketchy but I don't like wine so I wouldn't know. I did score some new pot holders there for $2.99 because mine look like something you'd wipe a dog's ass with and are so thin you scald off a layer of skin each time you retrieve a casserole from the oven. But I digress......
After the grocery shopping, I picked up my daughter so we could have some fun mother/daughter bonding time which meant Starbucks on the way to the hospital. The children's hospital is probably only a few dozen miles from my home but in traffic it might as well be in Oregon. My daughter needed to be fitted for a back brace. Last week, we found out she has a broken back! Apparently she broke it doing gymnastics and has been in pain off and on for about two years. We never really thought much of it because she would complain after gymnastic workouts and then she would stop complaining after a few days. We figured it was just the nature of the sport. In June, the pain got worse so she had an x-ray. The x-ray revealed spina bifida (yes, the horrific birth defect, only in this case it was "occulta" which means "hidden" and so it wasn't discovered until this x-ray). We were referred to the children's hospital for a consult with the orthopedic specialists and after a follow-up visit it was determined she needed a CT scan. The result of that was a complete break in one of her vertebrae, which may or may not heal up on its own. So, now she gets to wear a back brace for 3-6 months. The spina bifida, by the way, is unrelated. Just a weird fluke.
As you might imagine, a back brace is no small appliance. As soon as we left the appointment, my daughter reminded me that she needed a "business" outfit for a conference the next day and we determined she did not have black pants or a polo shirt (as specified in the flyer) at home, so we headed to a clothing store. An hour later, we managed to find black jeans that sort of, kind of, looked like dress pants, a pair of pricey boots and a maternity sweater that fit nicely over the back brace. Ka-ching! We got home around 8 p.m. and the only good thing about that day was that my husband made dinner.
Tuesday I got my flu shot. Plus I had work and got to deal with all the requisite bullshit involved in raising multiple kids. I was tired.
Wednesday I had a long and stressful meeting at work followed by a long training with information overload so my head was swimming by the time I arrived home and all I wanted to do was lie down on the floor and eat homemade chocolate chip cookies. But, alas, no cookies. So, I cobbled together a dinner (I HATE MAKING DINNER) and then we had an evening of forced family fun carving pumpkins. But let me backtrack a bit.
Coordinating a family of six, including two young adults and two teenagers with their own busy lives for a trip to the pumpkin farm requires the organizing skills of a hopped-up housewife with a California Closet magazine. Fortunately, I am pretty good at such things, so that after a two-week investment in time and multiple text messages to the kids, I managed to carve out approximately two hours in which to drive to the pumpkin farm, take adorable photos, pick the perfect pumpkins, and leave in time for everyone to get to work and activities on time. We enjoyed this blissful family outing on Sunday before noon, which was notable in that we left the house before noon on a weekend and I have teenagers!! Did I mention that? Plus, none of them looked like hobos. And I have the pictures to prove it. See?
On Monday I worked then did a quick grocery trip to a nearby grocery store, which happened to be Grocery Outlet. Grocery Outlet is sketchy at best, and sells interesting foods like your favorite breakfast cereal only in a totally weird flavor you've never heard of. But they also have an expansive wine collection which is also maybe sketchy but I don't like wine so I wouldn't know. I did score some new pot holders there for $2.99 because mine look like something you'd wipe a dog's ass with and are so thin you scald off a layer of skin each time you retrieve a casserole from the oven. But I digress......
After the grocery shopping, I picked up my daughter so we could have some fun mother/daughter bonding time which meant Starbucks on the way to the hospital. The children's hospital is probably only a few dozen miles from my home but in traffic it might as well be in Oregon. My daughter needed to be fitted for a back brace. Last week, we found out she has a broken back! Apparently she broke it doing gymnastics and has been in pain off and on for about two years. We never really thought much of it because she would complain after gymnastic workouts and then she would stop complaining after a few days. We figured it was just the nature of the sport. In June, the pain got worse so she had an x-ray. The x-ray revealed spina bifida (yes, the horrific birth defect, only in this case it was "occulta" which means "hidden" and so it wasn't discovered until this x-ray). We were referred to the children's hospital for a consult with the orthopedic specialists and after a follow-up visit it was determined she needed a CT scan. The result of that was a complete break in one of her vertebrae, which may or may not heal up on its own. So, now she gets to wear a back brace for 3-6 months. The spina bifida, by the way, is unrelated. Just a weird fluke.
As you might imagine, a back brace is no small appliance. As soon as we left the appointment, my daughter reminded me that she needed a "business" outfit for a conference the next day and we determined she did not have black pants or a polo shirt (as specified in the flyer) at home, so we headed to a clothing store. An hour later, we managed to find black jeans that sort of, kind of, looked like dress pants, a pair of pricey boots and a maternity sweater that fit nicely over the back brace. Ka-ching! We got home around 8 p.m. and the only good thing about that day was that my husband made dinner.
Tuesday I got my flu shot. Plus I had work and got to deal with all the requisite bullshit involved in raising multiple kids. I was tired.
Wednesday I had a long and stressful meeting at work followed by a long training with information overload so my head was swimming by the time I arrived home and all I wanted to do was lie down on the floor and eat homemade chocolate chip cookies. But, alas, no cookies. So, I cobbled together a dinner (I HATE MAKING DINNER) and then we had an evening of forced family fun carving pumpkins. But let me backtrack a bit.
Coordinating a family of six, including two young adults and two teenagers with their own busy lives for a trip to the pumpkin farm requires the organizing skills of a hopped-up housewife with a California Closet magazine. Fortunately, I am pretty good at such things, so that after a two-week investment in time and multiple text messages to the kids, I managed to carve out approximately two hours in which to drive to the pumpkin farm, take adorable photos, pick the perfect pumpkins, and leave in time for everyone to get to work and activities on time. We enjoyed this blissful family outing on Sunday before noon, which was notable in that we left the house before noon on a weekend and I have teenagers!! Did I mention that? Plus, none of them looked like hobos. And I have the pictures to prove it. See?
So, since we dropped $51 on pumpkins, and since last year we never got around to carving pumpkins because we were dealing with things like surgery and hospitalization, I was determined that this year we WOULD carve them. And we did, but for some reason, the evening turned out differently than I planned. For one thing, my oldest suddenly decided she would like to try on my wedding dress. So, she did.
I had never taken it out of its tissue-paper stuffed, coffin-like box it was carefully preserved in. It looked like a headless dead person. I tossed aside the stuffing and shimmied her into it. She declared it "unattractive and so 90's." But then my youngest daughter wanted to try it on as well. So, she did.
The really depressing thing was it fit both of them, and so I have living, breathing proof that I was once that small. SIGH! However, we did end up carving pumpkins and then, while the kids were finishing up someone exclaimed that American Horror Story was on and the little serrated pumpkin-carving knives were dropped like the bass as my four scurried to the family room to watch, leaving the carnage in their wake.
Thank God they cleaned it up (after I told them to) and we ended up with some pretty cute pumpkins. I declined to carve mine because I am fundamentally opposed to carving pumpkins on the grounds that pumpkin guts stink and feel disgusting and I kind of liked my little gourd intact.
We went to bed way too late so that this morning (and this whole day) I was pretty tired and really did NOT want to go to work. More stressful meetings at work ensued and I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was so happy to be able to come home and not run errands all afternoon. But that glee was short-lived when I remembered I signed up to help with the Fall auction/choir concert tonight. I'm supposed to "man" a table while the concert is going on, which I have no idea why I would have agreed to this because I could care less about the auction and only want to watch my son perform. I know I'm supposed to be a good music booster and all, but I'm REALLY not looking forward to interacting with a bunch of tired parents bleeding money on hot-ticket items like pizza gift certificates and Seahawks memorabilia. But, I soldier on!
Except that my son JUST arrived home, exhausted and running a fever, insisting he cannot miss the concert because his teacher is mean and will grade him down if he misses. Plus, he's in two choirs. And has some solos. There's no time for dinner, and we're already late to pick up the husband on the way to the concert. Late as in, he's still in the shower at 4:57 and I'm supposed to drive in traffic to pick up my husband and arrive at the school at 5:15. And there's no way to notify the overly-zealous booster mom who's heading up the auction that I'm going to be late to "man" her table. So, yeah. This week can suck it.
Tomorrow my calendar is unmarred by pencil marks. I have nothing on my agenda (yet). Perhaps I'll just lie on the floor and eat chocolate-chip cookies. But I'd have to make them first.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday musings, part two..........
I had to call this one "part two" because I realized I already had a Tuesday musings! Must be a trend. So, today I worked my 6.5 hours at school with my special-needs boy who I've been working with since school started. This job is a challenge. It's basically glorified babysitting, because I just have to "remind" him all day long what to do, when to do it, and occasionally take him for a walk when he has an "episode". Really, he's a good kid and it could be worse (i.e. more "episodes") but after about the billionth "reminder" it gets pretty old and I go a little crazy. Not to mention I'm required to fill out little behavior charts on three kids and jump in when needed for the other 7-8 kids on IEP's in that class. And even with all of that, I'm often bored out of my mind and looking for things to do. This afternoon we had a sub. She "forgot" which lesson we were doing, requiring me to dash to the office to run off 28 copies of the assignment, and then she read the passage, and mispronounced several words. I hated to correct her in front of the kids, but gimme a break - she's a TEACHER! Then, when attempting to give a "lesson" she had to refer to her book to check how to spell "malaria" and "disease". She pronounced "quinine" as "quin-in-in-a-nin". Really? Ugh, I have so little tolerance for teachers who can't speak, write or spell correctly. Lucky me, I got to leave early today.......
But not for anything fun! Oh no. I got to pick Arlie up at school and take her to an allergy appointment. We already knew she had cold urticaria, which is an allergy to the cold (imagine that!) but the good doctor decided to do a scientific test to be sure (he put an ice cube on her arm for several minutes then checked to see if she got hives. I did this exact same experiment at my house for free!). She left with a prescription for a hefty dose of allergy meds and an epi pen. Yikes. Guess we won't be going in any cold water anytime soon. Sounds like a perfect excuse to vacation in Hawaii.
I then dropped her off and had to rush over to the studio where Harrison was having rehearsal for his play. He got the role of the lion in an adaptation of The Wizard of Oz and there was a parent meeting during rehearsal. I learned that we have to sell candles and pastries for fundraising. And that he could take voice lessons for half price. I left with a good chunk of my bank account missing and a boy who wasn't sure what to think about three hours of rehearsal every Tuesday, made worse by the fact that he had a monstrous social studies homework assignment hanging over his head.
Finally made it home around 7:15. Dinner was ready (thank God for my husband) and we ate and scattered in different directions. I spent the next two or so hours catching up on emails and paperwork. The kids watched Christmas movies and burned cookies. My husband practiced guitar (and had previously done a workout - God bless him, the saint. I haven't worked out since aerobics were invented.). My son gave me a long list of study questions for a geography test. I quizzed him on things like longitude and temperate climates. My head started to hurt a little. At some point, I threw in some laundry, washed my face, and put on pajamas. I filled out an order form for a choir fundraiser (wrapping paper and candles I don't need).
And now I get to go to sleep (well, after I brush my teeth, take out my contacts, take my meds and turn out the lights) and do it all over again tomorrow. Discretionary time is non-existent these days. I got a text today from a friend asking to go to dinner (can't - meeting). Coffee? Work all day. Pedicure? Remember that "work all day" thing? Dinner Friday night? Football game. Daughter is playing with the band.
Tonight as I stared down another "found" pile of my college daughter's dirty laundry, I remembered my offer to wash and put away all the clothes she left behind. And I thought....when? I need a day. I need ten days. I need to not work all day. I never intended to be working full time. The job fell in my lap and was for two weeks. Now, I'm five weeks into it. And it lasts at least until the end of October. And there's a chance it might be mine permanently. And I'm scared of that prospect!! I want to find another "perfect" job to "save" me before I have to make the dreaded choice. Accept the job if it's offered simply because I need a job? Because it gets my foot in the door? Because I might get something better next year? Or stick to my guns, listen to my heart and the needs of my family and our schedules and say NO. Keep subbing. Wait for something part-time to open up. Dilemma!
In the meantime, I'm tired. And I had milk and cookies before bed. Burnt cookies. I actually love burnt cookies. But I don't like being burnt out.
But not for anything fun! Oh no. I got to pick Arlie up at school and take her to an allergy appointment. We already knew she had cold urticaria, which is an allergy to the cold (imagine that!) but the good doctor decided to do a scientific test to be sure (he put an ice cube on her arm for several minutes then checked to see if she got hives. I did this exact same experiment at my house for free!). She left with a prescription for a hefty dose of allergy meds and an epi pen. Yikes. Guess we won't be going in any cold water anytime soon. Sounds like a perfect excuse to vacation in Hawaii.
I then dropped her off and had to rush over to the studio where Harrison was having rehearsal for his play. He got the role of the lion in an adaptation of The Wizard of Oz and there was a parent meeting during rehearsal. I learned that we have to sell candles and pastries for fundraising. And that he could take voice lessons for half price. I left with a good chunk of my bank account missing and a boy who wasn't sure what to think about three hours of rehearsal every Tuesday, made worse by the fact that he had a monstrous social studies homework assignment hanging over his head.
Finally made it home around 7:15. Dinner was ready (thank God for my husband) and we ate and scattered in different directions. I spent the next two or so hours catching up on emails and paperwork. The kids watched Christmas movies and burned cookies. My husband practiced guitar (and had previously done a workout - God bless him, the saint. I haven't worked out since aerobics were invented.). My son gave me a long list of study questions for a geography test. I quizzed him on things like longitude and temperate climates. My head started to hurt a little. At some point, I threw in some laundry, washed my face, and put on pajamas. I filled out an order form for a choir fundraiser (wrapping paper and candles I don't need).
And now I get to go to sleep (well, after I brush my teeth, take out my contacts, take my meds and turn out the lights) and do it all over again tomorrow. Discretionary time is non-existent these days. I got a text today from a friend asking to go to dinner (can't - meeting). Coffee? Work all day. Pedicure? Remember that "work all day" thing? Dinner Friday night? Football game. Daughter is playing with the band.
Tonight as I stared down another "found" pile of my college daughter's dirty laundry, I remembered my offer to wash and put away all the clothes she left behind. And I thought....when? I need a day. I need ten days. I need to not work all day. I never intended to be working full time. The job fell in my lap and was for two weeks. Now, I'm five weeks into it. And it lasts at least until the end of October. And there's a chance it might be mine permanently. And I'm scared of that prospect!! I want to find another "perfect" job to "save" me before I have to make the dreaded choice. Accept the job if it's offered simply because I need a job? Because it gets my foot in the door? Because I might get something better next year? Or stick to my guns, listen to my heart and the needs of my family and our schedules and say NO. Keep subbing. Wait for something part-time to open up. Dilemma!
In the meantime, I'm tired. And I had milk and cookies before bed. Burnt cookies. I actually love burnt cookies. But I don't like being burnt out.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday musings..........
I opened up my email and a news story popped up. "See the latest trends in lingerie for fall". WTF? Isn't the "trend" just "wear something frilly, small and silky and get laid"? I didn't know there were "trends" in lingerie.
I left for work at 8 a.m. and got home at 9 p.m. I'm only mentioning that because IT SUCKS.
I ate a piece of cake at a meeting tonight and thought "wow, that frosting is too sweet". This is earth-shattering because I love sweet stuff and I do not recognize this person who thinks something is too sweet. But do not despair. I had a small bowl of chocolate chips before bed, so all is right with the world again.
My daughter had to wear paper shorts at the hospital today for her arthritis checkup. I wrote "property of Hannah" on her butt with a Sharpie.
My baby leaves in two days for college. TWO DAYS! This makes my tummy hurt a little. Tomorrow night we are having "the last supper". She picked cedar-planked salmon, corn on the cob, sweet Hawaiian rolls and Ben and Jerry's. At least I can send her off in the world knowing she appreciates the finer things! :)
I am so, so tired. Can I just call in "tired" to work tomorrow? No?
I love my bed.
I left for work at 8 a.m. and got home at 9 p.m. I'm only mentioning that because IT SUCKS.
I ate a piece of cake at a meeting tonight and thought "wow, that frosting is too sweet". This is earth-shattering because I love sweet stuff and I do not recognize this person who thinks something is too sweet. But do not despair. I had a small bowl of chocolate chips before bed, so all is right with the world again.
My daughter had to wear paper shorts at the hospital today for her arthritis checkup. I wrote "property of Hannah" on her butt with a Sharpie.
My baby leaves in two days for college. TWO DAYS! This makes my tummy hurt a little. Tomorrow night we are having "the last supper". She picked cedar-planked salmon, corn on the cob, sweet Hawaiian rolls and Ben and Jerry's. At least I can send her off in the world knowing she appreciates the finer things! :)
I am so, so tired. Can I just call in "tired" to work tomorrow? No?
I love my bed.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Why are grown-ups so tired?
This question was posed to me last night by my otherwise intelligent 12-year-old son, Harrison, when both Jeff and I expressed, at past 11 p.m., that we were tired. "Why are grown-ups so tired all the time?" he wanted to know. And I launched into a brief, yet powerful, explanation that involved something about "because you kids never pick up after yourselves" which ended in a group eye-roll and a "Why did you even ask that?" admonishment from Hannah.
But, kids, it's your lucky day! Because I'm here to explain, once and for all, why grown-ups are so tired all the time. We begin with that bane of grown-up existence - the JOB. Yes, that thing daddies and mommies go to every day, that keeps them from home for nine or sixteen hours, is often in a mysterious location, and involves some type of "work" that can only be explained in simple terms such as "daddy works to cure cancer" or "mommy fights corporate giants". Imagine, children, if you will, having to go to school TWICE in one day! Gasp! And have twice the homework! And meaner teachers! That, in essence, is a job.
But my mommy "stays home" you say? So, she "doesn't have a real job"? ...........sorry, I just fell over laughing. I'm back now. Mommies and daddies who "stay home" with their children do not really stay home. Is your mommy sitting on her ample bum eating bon bons or is she driving you to soccer practice? And gymnastics? And Italian cooking classes? Children, your mommy (and the still-rare "stay at home daddy") is a busy, busy person. She picks up after you. She makes your food. She allows you to destroy her otherwise marginally clean home with your pack of wild animals you call "friends". She, quite literally, moves mountains - of laundry and crap that is strewn across the family room floor. She brings your lunch when you forget it. She writes checks for your expensive drama retreat and your overly-priced field trip to the fun center to ride bumper cars and eat tasteless pizza.
Your daddy works at his mysterious job, then comes home to fix broken chairs, find out why your fish died, stomp down the recycle bin, fix the radiator in your car so you don't have to ride the (horrors!) bus to school, kill spiders, clean dog barf off the carpet, and maybe find a small sliver of time in which to work out or pursue his own hobbies, while still dispensing his wit and wisdom to counteract your latest teenage drama and single-handedly hand-toss fifteen pizzas for your weekly "movie night".
In between all of that, mommies and daddies rarely have time to enjoy the luxurious pursuits that you enjoy, such as lounging in front of the TV, eating and drinking all day and leaving dishes in your wake, or asking for $20 to go to the movies with their friends. We're too busy wondering why that pile of random clothes is still sitting at the top of the stairs, even though we asked you three days ago to pick it up. We're confused as to how every single glass in the house could possibly be dirty when we have an actual dishwasher that could clean them, if only someone would fill it and empty it. We're scratching our heads as to how you can still possibly have another clean piece of clothing to wear when you have a pile of laundry that carpets your bedroom floor - several inches high!
Beyond that, we have worry and concern........will you ever learn how to properly close a cereal box? Will you ever get a job? When you do, will you understand that if you spend all your money on a purple hoodie, you might not have enough left over to pay your car insurance bill? Will you ever understand the peace that relative order and neatness can bring? And more importantly, will you ever learn that wiping up spilled chocolate milk with a dish towel and not rinsing it out can only result in a permanently stained dish towel that will have to be relegated to the rag pile?
This, children, is why grown-ups are so tired. We do and do and do all day long. We give and give and give. Sometimes, we'd like someone to give a little back, you know, to allow us more time to rest and relax and be more fun, and perhaps, conceive of the concept of starting a movie AFTER MIDNIGHT and actually staying awake to finish watching it. Wonderful, you say! How can this happen? Well, this is where you come in. Lucky for you, I have compiled a list of things YOU can do to help stop the epidemic of overly-tired grown-ups who are "more fun" and "not boring".
1. Pick up after yourselves. If you eat an Air Head, put the wrapper in the trash. Same applies to cheese sticks, granola bars and juice boxes.
2. Rinse and re-use your cup for a WHOLE DAY! I know this is a shocking concept, but watch and see the amazing results.
3. If you enjoy a nice bowl of artificially colored, sugared cereal with fresh, cold milk, close the box of cereal properly when you are finished pouring it, return it to the gaping empty spot from which you retrieved it instead of tossing it on the pantry floor, and return the milk to the refrigerator. Because cold milk is a privilege we all should enjoy.
4. Do a load of laundry at least twice a week. Avoid the embarrassment of having to wear gym shorts to school because all your jeans are dirty, and, please, do not try to pass off the wrinkled, straight from the hamper look as "chic". Everyone knows. Plus, there's the smell.
5. Put your laundry in it's receptacle. Not on your floor. This makes it so much easier to walk around your room and bathroom, plus, you will actually have a chance of escaping if there's a fire. Imagine the tragedy if we had to tell the sad, sad story over and over again of how our little darlings died in the house fire because their sneakers and hoodies became entangled in their pajama bottoms as they rushed to make their escape, which was hampered anyway but their inability to open the door due to piles of dirty laundry. Tragic, indeed.
6. If you are so inclined as to hone your essential cooking or baking skills in the family kitchen, please clean up afterwards. Hardened cake batter and coagulated mac 'n' cheese are so much harder to remove than if you rinse right away!
7. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are crazy enough to allow you to have a sleepover/crash pad/frat party with seventeen of your closest friends, please be courteous and pick up and wash all blankets and pillowcases the next day. Fold them! Put them away! This, alone, will save grown-ups countless hours of hard labor, and, subsequently, less tiredness.
8. Pay your mother some respect for teaching you how to read. Award her for those countless hours of flash cards by actually reading the handy list of chores she has so thoughtfully inscribed for you and DO THEM. Every day. Think of it this way - would you rather do a small amount of chores each day or spend an entire weekend day doing hard labor and listening to your grown-ups scream, rant and threaten? P.S. Screaming is hard work and makes grown-ups VERY tired.
9. Learn some basic skills such as how to unclog a toilet, prepare a simple meal, use the carpet cleaner on a spot of dog barf, wipe a counter, wash a window, and run a vacuum. These will serve you well into your adult years, until you can produce some offspring of your own to do them.
10. Say a kind word to the grown-up in your life. "Please" and "thank you" are a nice start, but some other favorites are "how can I help?" and "why don't you rest while I do that?" and "grande or venti?" and "olive or twist?" Those are all good things to say to mommies and daddies and make them much, much less tired and more fun!
So, there you have it, kids - the answer (along with some helpful tips) on how to help grown-ups be less tired and more fun. Follow this sage advice, and before you know it, your mom will be hopping off the couch at ten p.m. shouting "DQ run! I'm buying!" or your dad might say "Who wants to go to the mall? I'll drive and here's $20!" You just never know what might result if you follow the above advice closely. And every day. In the meantime, mommy and daddy will be napping because we're so, so tired..........
But, kids, it's your lucky day! Because I'm here to explain, once and for all, why grown-ups are so tired all the time. We begin with that bane of grown-up existence - the JOB. Yes, that thing daddies and mommies go to every day, that keeps them from home for nine or sixteen hours, is often in a mysterious location, and involves some type of "work" that can only be explained in simple terms such as "daddy works to cure cancer" or "mommy fights corporate giants". Imagine, children, if you will, having to go to school TWICE in one day! Gasp! And have twice the homework! And meaner teachers! That, in essence, is a job.
But my mommy "stays home" you say? So, she "doesn't have a real job"? ...........sorry, I just fell over laughing. I'm back now. Mommies and daddies who "stay home" with their children do not really stay home. Is your mommy sitting on her ample bum eating bon bons or is she driving you to soccer practice? And gymnastics? And Italian cooking classes? Children, your mommy (and the still-rare "stay at home daddy") is a busy, busy person. She picks up after you. She makes your food. She allows you to destroy her otherwise marginally clean home with your pack of wild animals you call "friends". She, quite literally, moves mountains - of laundry and crap that is strewn across the family room floor. She brings your lunch when you forget it. She writes checks for your expensive drama retreat and your overly-priced field trip to the fun center to ride bumper cars and eat tasteless pizza.
Your daddy works at his mysterious job, then comes home to fix broken chairs, find out why your fish died, stomp down the recycle bin, fix the radiator in your car so you don't have to ride the (horrors!) bus to school, kill spiders, clean dog barf off the carpet, and maybe find a small sliver of time in which to work out or pursue his own hobbies, while still dispensing his wit and wisdom to counteract your latest teenage drama and single-handedly hand-toss fifteen pizzas for your weekly "movie night".
In between all of that, mommies and daddies rarely have time to enjoy the luxurious pursuits that you enjoy, such as lounging in front of the TV, eating and drinking all day and leaving dishes in your wake, or asking for $20 to go to the movies with their friends. We're too busy wondering why that pile of random clothes is still sitting at the top of the stairs, even though we asked you three days ago to pick it up. We're confused as to how every single glass in the house could possibly be dirty when we have an actual dishwasher that could clean them, if only someone would fill it and empty it. We're scratching our heads as to how you can still possibly have another clean piece of clothing to wear when you have a pile of laundry that carpets your bedroom floor - several inches high!
Beyond that, we have worry and concern........will you ever learn how to properly close a cereal box? Will you ever get a job? When you do, will you understand that if you spend all your money on a purple hoodie, you might not have enough left over to pay your car insurance bill? Will you ever understand the peace that relative order and neatness can bring? And more importantly, will you ever learn that wiping up spilled chocolate milk with a dish towel and not rinsing it out can only result in a permanently stained dish towel that will have to be relegated to the rag pile?
This, children, is why grown-ups are so tired. We do and do and do all day long. We give and give and give. Sometimes, we'd like someone to give a little back, you know, to allow us more time to rest and relax and be more fun, and perhaps, conceive of the concept of starting a movie AFTER MIDNIGHT and actually staying awake to finish watching it. Wonderful, you say! How can this happen? Well, this is where you come in. Lucky for you, I have compiled a list of things YOU can do to help stop the epidemic of overly-tired grown-ups who are "more fun" and "not boring".
1. Pick up after yourselves. If you eat an Air Head, put the wrapper in the trash. Same applies to cheese sticks, granola bars and juice boxes.
2. Rinse and re-use your cup for a WHOLE DAY! I know this is a shocking concept, but watch and see the amazing results.
3. If you enjoy a nice bowl of artificially colored, sugared cereal with fresh, cold milk, close the box of cereal properly when you are finished pouring it, return it to the gaping empty spot from which you retrieved it instead of tossing it on the pantry floor, and return the milk to the refrigerator. Because cold milk is a privilege we all should enjoy.
4. Do a load of laundry at least twice a week. Avoid the embarrassment of having to wear gym shorts to school because all your jeans are dirty, and, please, do not try to pass off the wrinkled, straight from the hamper look as "chic". Everyone knows. Plus, there's the smell.
5. Put your laundry in it's receptacle. Not on your floor. This makes it so much easier to walk around your room and bathroom, plus, you will actually have a chance of escaping if there's a fire. Imagine the tragedy if we had to tell the sad, sad story over and over again of how our little darlings died in the house fire because their sneakers and hoodies became entangled in their pajama bottoms as they rushed to make their escape, which was hampered anyway but their inability to open the door due to piles of dirty laundry. Tragic, indeed.
6. If you are so inclined as to hone your essential cooking or baking skills in the family kitchen, please clean up afterwards. Hardened cake batter and coagulated mac 'n' cheese are so much harder to remove than if you rinse right away!
7. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are crazy enough to allow you to have a sleepover/crash pad/frat party with seventeen of your closest friends, please be courteous and pick up and wash all blankets and pillowcases the next day. Fold them! Put them away! This, alone, will save grown-ups countless hours of hard labor, and, subsequently, less tiredness.
8. Pay your mother some respect for teaching you how to read. Award her for those countless hours of flash cards by actually reading the handy list of chores she has so thoughtfully inscribed for you and DO THEM. Every day. Think of it this way - would you rather do a small amount of chores each day or spend an entire weekend day doing hard labor and listening to your grown-ups scream, rant and threaten? P.S. Screaming is hard work and makes grown-ups VERY tired.
9. Learn some basic skills such as how to unclog a toilet, prepare a simple meal, use the carpet cleaner on a spot of dog barf, wipe a counter, wash a window, and run a vacuum. These will serve you well into your adult years, until you can produce some offspring of your own to do them.
10. Say a kind word to the grown-up in your life. "Please" and "thank you" are a nice start, but some other favorites are "how can I help?" and "why don't you rest while I do that?" and "grande or venti?" and "olive or twist?" Those are all good things to say to mommies and daddies and make them much, much less tired and more fun!
So, there you have it, kids - the answer (along with some helpful tips) on how to help grown-ups be less tired and more fun. Follow this sage advice, and before you know it, your mom will be hopping off the couch at ten p.m. shouting "DQ run! I'm buying!" or your dad might say "Who wants to go to the mall? I'll drive and here's $20!" You just never know what might result if you follow the above advice closely. And every day. In the meantime, mommy and daddy will be napping because we're so, so tired..........
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