The other day, I was cleaning the kitchen when I decided to move the toaster oven just a scooch more than usual to wipe up the crumbs under it. You know, a teensy bit more than the cursory few inches where the crumbs collect in the back and you get a wild hair once in a while to REALLY clean the counter top underneath?
So, I moved the toaster oven and that flimsy bottom tray thing that's supposed to "catch" the crumbs fell off! Crumbs and bits of burned toast spilled out all over the counter. I figured it was a sign that I should give the ol' girl a good wipe down so I did and when I tried to reattach the catch tray it was, well.....toast! (Hee, hee, punny!)
The tiny little bracket had broken off and there was no getting that crumb catcher back on. No problem, I thought, I'll just set it on a cookie sheet or something. But then I got to thinking, it's time to replace that relic! After all, we'd had it for 15 years and aren't appliances supposed to crap out after, like, two years? So, we decided to put the geriatric toaster oven to rest and purchased a new one.
Even more astonishing? I didn't purchase it. I trusted my HUSBAND (I know!) to select and purchase a new toaster oven on his trip to the store that evening. I didn't research new features, compare prices or even give it a second thought until he returned with a gleaming new toaster oven, purchased for under $30. Yay!
I plugged in the new one and set aside the old one. I was pretty excited - I mean as excited as one gets about new appliances. But then the kids came home.
No one said anything right away, but a few hours later, my son said "I can't believe you replaced my childhood toaster oven!" Whaaatttt??? Who associates their childhood with an appliance? Well, apparently my kids do because not a few hours later, I heard, from my daughter, "Our childhood toaster oven is gone!"
I mean, it's not like I sold their baby teeth on ebay or ceremoniously burned their baby books! It's a TOASTER OVEN! It sat on the counter for several days until our oldest came by for a rare visit. "Oh, you got a new toaster oven?" she observed almost immediately, "Can I have the old one for my apartment?" That toaster oven was seconds away from the trash, and she swooped in and saved it!
And the best part? Her siblings can come and visit the ancient toaster oven when they get nostalgic for their childhood.
Kids are so weird.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2015
Saturday, January 14, 2012
In defense of the minivan.......
I know a few moms of young kids (Sydney, ahem) and a few moms-to-be who are still young and idealistic enough to say "I will NEVER drive a minivan!" We've all been there, we veteran minivan moms, back in the day when we had a cute body, a cute baby and a cute little car to drive around. Then came more kids. And let's face it, once you hit three kids, you NEED a minivan.
Why? you ask. Let me tell you a little story. Back in 1995, when I was nearly nine months pregnant with my second child, I was driving around a Honda Civic with no air conditioning. I loved that little car, and the gas mileage couldn't be beat, but I was very pregnant. It was summer. I was hot and cranky. I wanted a new car. Being proactive and a planner, I researched my options and VERY reluctantly decided on a minivan. It was all the rage. My friends had them. Why not join the club? Except I said I'd NEVER drive a minivan. So, to console myself, I bought a red one. Red means fast. Red means cool. Red means "look at me, I'm a mom in a minivan!" So much for planning.
But then.....I started to like that minivan. Plenty of room to buckle kids in and out of car seats, plenty of room for the arsenal of diaper bags, snacks, activities, extra blankets, stuffed animals and pacifiers that accompanied us on a long trip to.....the grocery store. Plenty of space in the back for the burgeoning grocery load that came along with my growing family. Plus, the seats folded down for that occasional trip to Home Depot for a large piece of plywood or Toys R Us for that big swingset for the backyard. Handy!
But the true beauty of the minivan is...........the road trip! We started to drive to Idaho a lot to visit family and there was plenty of space for all of our travel needs and then some. As the kids got older, camping trips were included. That van was packed to the gills with camping needs, kids' feet perched on sleeping bags, a cooler separating squabbling siblings. We even added a car-top carrier! Modern-day Beverly Hillbillies.
We still drive that red minivan, although it's on its last legs (wheels?). We upgraded to a brand-spankin' new minivan in 2007. That van has doubled as a bus, a camping vehicle, a hotel, and a truck. On long trips, there's nothing more peaceful than space between siblings and a DVD player. It has something like 843 cup holders and all manner of pockets and compartments in which to lose mittens and french fries. The seats fold down and stow away in the floor of the van. The back has a recessed compartment deep enough to hide a teenager crouching down, waiting to scare the bejeezus out of her unsuspecting siblings when they settle themselves in the back seat. The doors slide open and shut with the touch of a button and there's one on BOTH sides of the van (unlike our older van which has just one, manual sliding door. A neighbor child once stood on the side of the van with no door looking confused and asked how to get in the van. When I explained there was only one sliding door she looked at me disdainfully and said "Oh, you have one of those oldy-timey vans!").
With a minivan, we can cram eight kids, four days' worth of camping gear and three dogs into it's cavernous interior. We can haul six teenagers and two adults to a football game. We can put a movie on, flip a switch and have the kids don wireless headphones while we adults up front indulge in our favorite music or enjoy a conversation in complete peace. If it only came with one of those handy dividers like taxi cabs, we'd be set! The kids could beat each other senseless in the back seat and we'd be none the wiser in our soundproof booth up front.
Our minivan has a handy rack that can hold four bikes, a top that can support two kayaks, and a hitch that can pull our camper over hill and dale to various destinations. It's essentially our second home. I have stashed in the van both food and water, extra makeup, first aid kits, enough reusable grocery bags to last a lifetime, an arsenal of DVDs and CDs, sunscreen, a garbage bag for each row, extra gloves, napkins, an emergency kit, extra dog leashes, coupon books, flashlight, multipurpose tool, extra coats, beach towels and handiwipes. If needed, we could live in the minivan. For six hours. Give or take.
I normally drive the nice, newer minivan, but I occasionally find myself driving the old one. It's the same age as my high school junior. That van holds a lot of memories. Driving my newborns home from the hospital. The time my oldest got mad at me and threw her entire orange soda at me while I was driving (there are still stains on the ceiling). The time I slammed the van in park in the middle of traffic to rush around, yank the sliding door open and kill an ant that was threatening the life of my toddler (or at least it seemed so from the screams). The van that was so stuffed with crap on a trip across the mountains that one of the kids accidentally kicked out a Nintendo DS into a parking lot, never to be seen again. The van that suffered a broken headlight the first month we owned it (likely from someone backing into it in a parking lot) that has NEVER been fixed. That van saved my freezing ass more than once on a camping trip when I was so cold I thought I'd die and retreated to the relative warmth of the van (and it's inadequately long bench seats). I've spilled more coffee in that van than I care to mention. I've hauled so many kids on so many trips - to the beach, park, playground, vacations, school. I once drove that van away while my own daughter was putting her backpack in it, thinking she was already in the car!
The van was purchased when my oldest was just two and it became her first car. I don't even want to know what all went on in that van before she left for college, but I will say I've never seen a dirtier vehicle, nor found so many disgusting things in it (two month old Taco Bell anyone? It's just a little fuzzy). It smelled like a rotting corpse. My daughter consistently ran it out of gas and was involved in a four-car accident last Valentine's day. But the van is still going strong. Scars and all. It has a cracked engine head......so it could "die" at any given moment, but we rather enjoy limping it along until it craps out on the highway one day.
My point is this: if you have three or more children, get a minivan. For your own sanity. So they can bring friends along. So you can drive the carpool. Invest in an entertainment system. So, when you're hauling your offpsring along on a 300 mile road trip, you can enjoy the open road while they are glued to a DVD. It's peaceful. It's fun. It's roomy. Get over yourself. Just get a minivan.
Why? you ask. Let me tell you a little story. Back in 1995, when I was nearly nine months pregnant with my second child, I was driving around a Honda Civic with no air conditioning. I loved that little car, and the gas mileage couldn't be beat, but I was very pregnant. It was summer. I was hot and cranky. I wanted a new car. Being proactive and a planner, I researched my options and VERY reluctantly decided on a minivan. It was all the rage. My friends had them. Why not join the club? Except I said I'd NEVER drive a minivan. So, to console myself, I bought a red one. Red means fast. Red means cool. Red means "look at me, I'm a mom in a minivan!" So much for planning.
But then.....I started to like that minivan. Plenty of room to buckle kids in and out of car seats, plenty of room for the arsenal of diaper bags, snacks, activities, extra blankets, stuffed animals and pacifiers that accompanied us on a long trip to.....the grocery store. Plenty of space in the back for the burgeoning grocery load that came along with my growing family. Plus, the seats folded down for that occasional trip to Home Depot for a large piece of plywood or Toys R Us for that big swingset for the backyard. Handy!
But the true beauty of the minivan is...........the road trip! We started to drive to Idaho a lot to visit family and there was plenty of space for all of our travel needs and then some. As the kids got older, camping trips were included. That van was packed to the gills with camping needs, kids' feet perched on sleeping bags, a cooler separating squabbling siblings. We even added a car-top carrier! Modern-day Beverly Hillbillies.
We still drive that red minivan, although it's on its last legs (wheels?). We upgraded to a brand-spankin' new minivan in 2007. That van has doubled as a bus, a camping vehicle, a hotel, and a truck. On long trips, there's nothing more peaceful than space between siblings and a DVD player. It has something like 843 cup holders and all manner of pockets and compartments in which to lose mittens and french fries. The seats fold down and stow away in the floor of the van. The back has a recessed compartment deep enough to hide a teenager crouching down, waiting to scare the bejeezus out of her unsuspecting siblings when they settle themselves in the back seat. The doors slide open and shut with the touch of a button and there's one on BOTH sides of the van (unlike our older van which has just one, manual sliding door. A neighbor child once stood on the side of the van with no door looking confused and asked how to get in the van. When I explained there was only one sliding door she looked at me disdainfully and said "Oh, you have one of those oldy-timey vans!").
With a minivan, we can cram eight kids, four days' worth of camping gear and three dogs into it's cavernous interior. We can haul six teenagers and two adults to a football game. We can put a movie on, flip a switch and have the kids don wireless headphones while we adults up front indulge in our favorite music or enjoy a conversation in complete peace. If it only came with one of those handy dividers like taxi cabs, we'd be set! The kids could beat each other senseless in the back seat and we'd be none the wiser in our soundproof booth up front.
Our minivan has a handy rack that can hold four bikes, a top that can support two kayaks, and a hitch that can pull our camper over hill and dale to various destinations. It's essentially our second home. I have stashed in the van both food and water, extra makeup, first aid kits, enough reusable grocery bags to last a lifetime, an arsenal of DVDs and CDs, sunscreen, a garbage bag for each row, extra gloves, napkins, an emergency kit, extra dog leashes, coupon books, flashlight, multipurpose tool, extra coats, beach towels and handiwipes. If needed, we could live in the minivan. For six hours. Give or take.
I normally drive the nice, newer minivan, but I occasionally find myself driving the old one. It's the same age as my high school junior. That van holds a lot of memories. Driving my newborns home from the hospital. The time my oldest got mad at me and threw her entire orange soda at me while I was driving (there are still stains on the ceiling). The time I slammed the van in park in the middle of traffic to rush around, yank the sliding door open and kill an ant that was threatening the life of my toddler (or at least it seemed so from the screams). The van that was so stuffed with crap on a trip across the mountains that one of the kids accidentally kicked out a Nintendo DS into a parking lot, never to be seen again. The van that suffered a broken headlight the first month we owned it (likely from someone backing into it in a parking lot) that has NEVER been fixed. That van saved my freezing ass more than once on a camping trip when I was so cold I thought I'd die and retreated to the relative warmth of the van (and it's inadequately long bench seats). I've spilled more coffee in that van than I care to mention. I've hauled so many kids on so many trips - to the beach, park, playground, vacations, school. I once drove that van away while my own daughter was putting her backpack in it, thinking she was already in the car!
The van was purchased when my oldest was just two and it became her first car. I don't even want to know what all went on in that van before she left for college, but I will say I've never seen a dirtier vehicle, nor found so many disgusting things in it (two month old Taco Bell anyone? It's just a little fuzzy). It smelled like a rotting corpse. My daughter consistently ran it out of gas and was involved in a four-car accident last Valentine's day. But the van is still going strong. Scars and all. It has a cracked engine head......so it could "die" at any given moment, but we rather enjoy limping it along until it craps out on the highway one day.
My point is this: if you have three or more children, get a minivan. For your own sanity. So they can bring friends along. So you can drive the carpool. Invest in an entertainment system. So, when you're hauling your offpsring along on a 300 mile road trip, you can enjoy the open road while they are glued to a DVD. It's peaceful. It's fun. It's roomy. Get over yourself. Just get a minivan.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
When it gets quiet..........
I just read a Facebook post from a neighbor saying she had a bunch of kids over and her house was loud. And then it got quiet. And it reminded me of the times MY house "got quiet" when kids were over. As any mom knows, quiet is a dangerous thing. If your kids are screaming and romping around and you're reaching for the Advil, that's a good thing. At least you know where they are and what they're up to. I remember telling my kids when they were younger that they could "explore" the woods as long as I could still hear their voices. Long after their little tow-heads disappeared bobbing through the brush, I could hear their chatter and I felt secure knowing they were within screaming distance should a wayward coyote or extra-large raccoon cross their path.
Once, when my son was three, I was babysitting a neighbor boy, age four. I became aware, somewhere between doing a million chores, taking advantage of the free entertainment for my toddler, that things had become very quiet. I went to investigate, and found my son and his friend completely covered, head-to-toe, in shaving cream! In addition, they had emptied the remains of the shaving cream bottle into the heat register in the bathroom. At first I froze, and then I said "don't move!" while I grabbed the camera. But the neighbor boy started crying, afraid he was in trouble, so I had to put the camera down and attend to the tears and the mess. My older kids arrived home in the middle of this and we all got a good laugh out of it (well, they weren't laughing when I asked them to clean out the heat register - I need a long, skinny arm to reach all the way down as far as the boys had foamed it!).
Another time my son and two friends were playing. They were getting along so well, I barely noticed they were around.......until.......the dreaded quiet kicked in and I rushed to find the source. I was especially panicked this time because when I went to the bedroom where they were playing, they were nowhere to be found! But I heard giggling and opened up the closet. There sat three little sneaks, with a bottle of Tums, and each of them had suspicious, chalky substance around their mouths. I'm not sure how many they ate, but all I kept thinking was thank God it was just Tums!
When my daughter was in preschool she had a "playdate" with another child and a good friend after school. My friend and I enjoyed the afternoon kid-free and returned a few hours later to collect our offspring. Nothing seemed amiss until several hours later when my friend called me. "Have you given Hannah a bath yet?" she asked. "Um, no.....why?" I replied. "Well," she said, "you might want to strip her down!" I lifted Hannah's shirt and her entire stomach was blue. Indelible, Magic Marker blue to be exact! Apparently the girls had acquired a marker and used it to draw all over each others' bodies (but, cleverly, only where clothing concealed it). Same with the arms and legs - completely covered in blue scribbles! That one took DAYS, and many baths, to get rid of.
When my oldest daughter was a pre-teen, she had a friend over to "do makeovers". The friend left with swollen red eyes. Let me explain. In an effort to look "really pretty" my daughter had mistaken gold sparkly nail polish for eyeshadow and painted her friend's eyes. When we discovered the mistake, we attempted to remove it with polish remover, and, well.......let's just say her friend had very sensitive skin. That was fun to explain to her mom.
Once, when my son was home with me in his preschool years, he was playing by himself in his room and I was enjoying the rare peace that comes with NOT having a small child glued to my leg. It got very quiet so I went to check it out and found him asleep on the toilet, folded in half, chest on his legs and balancing precariously on the porcelain throne. Did I rush to save him from what would have been a painful (and shocking) fall? I did not. I grabbed my camera and now have, in my possession, a treasure to share with his future girlfriends, or perhaps include in a photo montage at his wedding.
Not too long ago, I was going through some old videos in an attempt to make sense of the miles of VHS tape we have documenting our children's young lives, when I came across a whole series of newscasts filmed in my eldest child's bedroom and starring each of my kids as reporter, meteorologist, field reporter, and the like. They had even set up a "news desk" and made signs. I have no idea when this happened. Obviously once when it was very, very quiet.
So, beware, parents! Your kids have secret lives! That, or we're just really clueless. But, if by chance things become really quiet in the midst of chaos, you should probably check it out. It might be the photo op of the decade!
Once, when my son was three, I was babysitting a neighbor boy, age four. I became aware, somewhere between doing a million chores, taking advantage of the free entertainment for my toddler, that things had become very quiet. I went to investigate, and found my son and his friend completely covered, head-to-toe, in shaving cream! In addition, they had emptied the remains of the shaving cream bottle into the heat register in the bathroom. At first I froze, and then I said "don't move!" while I grabbed the camera. But the neighbor boy started crying, afraid he was in trouble, so I had to put the camera down and attend to the tears and the mess. My older kids arrived home in the middle of this and we all got a good laugh out of it (well, they weren't laughing when I asked them to clean out the heat register - I need a long, skinny arm to reach all the way down as far as the boys had foamed it!).
Another time my son and two friends were playing. They were getting along so well, I barely noticed they were around.......until.......the dreaded quiet kicked in and I rushed to find the source. I was especially panicked this time because when I went to the bedroom where they were playing, they were nowhere to be found! But I heard giggling and opened up the closet. There sat three little sneaks, with a bottle of Tums, and each of them had suspicious, chalky substance around their mouths. I'm not sure how many they ate, but all I kept thinking was thank God it was just Tums!
When my daughter was in preschool she had a "playdate" with another child and a good friend after school. My friend and I enjoyed the afternoon kid-free and returned a few hours later to collect our offspring. Nothing seemed amiss until several hours later when my friend called me. "Have you given Hannah a bath yet?" she asked. "Um, no.....why?" I replied. "Well," she said, "you might want to strip her down!" I lifted Hannah's shirt and her entire stomach was blue. Indelible, Magic Marker blue to be exact! Apparently the girls had acquired a marker and used it to draw all over each others' bodies (but, cleverly, only where clothing concealed it). Same with the arms and legs - completely covered in blue scribbles! That one took DAYS, and many baths, to get rid of.
When my oldest daughter was a pre-teen, she had a friend over to "do makeovers". The friend left with swollen red eyes. Let me explain. In an effort to look "really pretty" my daughter had mistaken gold sparkly nail polish for eyeshadow and painted her friend's eyes. When we discovered the mistake, we attempted to remove it with polish remover, and, well.......let's just say her friend had very sensitive skin. That was fun to explain to her mom.
Once, when my son was home with me in his preschool years, he was playing by himself in his room and I was enjoying the rare peace that comes with NOT having a small child glued to my leg. It got very quiet so I went to check it out and found him asleep on the toilet, folded in half, chest on his legs and balancing precariously on the porcelain throne. Did I rush to save him from what would have been a painful (and shocking) fall? I did not. I grabbed my camera and now have, in my possession, a treasure to share with his future girlfriends, or perhaps include in a photo montage at his wedding.
Not too long ago, I was going through some old videos in an attempt to make sense of the miles of VHS tape we have documenting our children's young lives, when I came across a whole series of newscasts filmed in my eldest child's bedroom and starring each of my kids as reporter, meteorologist, field reporter, and the like. They had even set up a "news desk" and made signs. I have no idea when this happened. Obviously once when it was very, very quiet.
So, beware, parents! Your kids have secret lives! That, or we're just really clueless. But, if by chance things become really quiet in the midst of chaos, you should probably check it out. It might be the photo op of the decade!
Monday, November 21, 2011
My week away.......
I got to spend approximately 4.3 glorious days away recently, visiting my sister and niece in Boise. My primary goal for going was to meet my most beautiful new niece, Lila. But of course there were additional bonuses like adorable, sweet Jackson and funny, smart Kaden. And the adults. They were nice to visit too. I even got to see my other sister, so the three of us sisters were together (a rarity). We didn't take any pictures together but that's ok, because the middle sister has lost 100 lbs recently and makes us other two sisters look like the ugly stepsisters, Jenny Craig edition. So, we collectively hate her and love her at the same time. Skinny bitch. :)
But this was the VERY first time I've ever been away, on my own, for that length of time. How sad is that? I've been a mom for over eighteen years and this is the first solo trip extending past a weekend? Also, I was gone during the school week, which added a fun, new twist for my husband. Besides being mom AND dad, he got to deal with a crisis involving a leotard (that's the thing you wear on your body, tights are what you wear on your legs), had to drive a child to school who missed the bus (always one of my favorite pastimes) and, sadly, had to deal solo with a dog's health crisis (including breaking the sad news to the kids that our beloved Charlie is very sick). I, on the other hand, had to deal only with decisions like whether to have the cookie dough brownie or the magic cookie bar with my daily coffee at the cafe, or which baby to hold and cuddle. Ah, life.
And now that I'm back, and fully into the throes of the household again, I realize there are some things I did NOT miss about being away. The biggest and most obvious: I did NOT miss my dogs. I know, that's so mean, but Shade's incessant whining, the frenzied barking at the door by three overreacting dogs and the general dog hair, slobbery water mess on the floor....nah, didn't miss that at all. Sure, I felt bad about Charlie and when I came back I snuggled with him in front of his favorite spot - the fireplace - and took a nap with him, but I did not miss the chaos that comes from having dogs.
I also did not miss having to make school lunches. Bleh. Last night I went to make lunches. But then I decided to quick switch the laundry around and put my clothes in the dryer. But then there was no basket. I heard they were all in Harrison's room. I went to get one. His floor was covered with clothes and several upended laundry baskets, one of which contained his $400 bass lying haphazardly inside a laundry basket (huh?). As I was retrieving a basket, I noticed several of my own clothing items on the floor. What the.....?? I picked through the mess and retrieved my own clothes as well as a couple of pairs of yoga pants and a t-shirt belonging to his sister. I put all the towels from the floor into one basket. I separated his darks and lights into his laundry basket. And I finally got three empty laundry baskets to take into the laundry room where I found my clothes mysteriously missing. Funny thing, while I was cleaning HIS room, he had dumped my clean clothes into a basket and deposited them in MY room.
I finally descended the stairs to make lunches. I put grapes into five baggies. Put out a yogurt for each lunch. Made sandwiches. Cut up five oranges and squeezed them into snack bags (p.s. the average-sized orange just barely fits into a standard sized, Ziploc snack bag). Juice boxes, water bottles, spoons, napkins and a handiwipe and lunches were finally done. But then I noticed the cereal shelf was a mess. And some of the cereal was sitting on the floor. So, I organized the cereal shelf and found a half-full box of Lucky Charms that had gone stale because someone was too lazy to fold down the inner bag. I found out we had three opened boxes of Rice Krispies. And that someone had deposited a box of granola upside down on the shelf. Sigh.
And then I had to clean up the kitchen and ask my daughter to unload and load the dishwasher which was met with an audible sigh and complaint because she was watching the AMA awards on TV (which she can see from the dishwasher!). And I had to wipe down the counters and collect the dirty dish towels and cloths and head upstairs with my laptop, a pile of dirty kitchen towels (plus one bath towel I found on the stairs!), a permission slip I needed to sign and a handful of lens cleaner wipes with which to clean my dirty laptop.
This entire process took about two hours. And I was just going to "go make lunches" and be back upstairs in twenty minutes to attend to all the things I needed to do on my computer since it had not been communicating with my wireless connection all weekend and was therefore useless to me. I stayed up till almost midnight sending emails, filling in my calendar with appointments, checking my Facebook and online shopping for Christmas.
In Boise, my computer worked, I didn't have to make school lunches, or pick up anyone's dirty towels, or clean cereal off the floor. I slept in every day, went to bed when I felt like it, spent my day snuggling cute babies and even snuck in a little shopping (sparkly shoes - yay!). Vacations are good. Being home is good. But it's not a vacation. And now I'm going to be late for work! Bye!
But this was the VERY first time I've ever been away, on my own, for that length of time. How sad is that? I've been a mom for over eighteen years and this is the first solo trip extending past a weekend? Also, I was gone during the school week, which added a fun, new twist for my husband. Besides being mom AND dad, he got to deal with a crisis involving a leotard (that's the thing you wear on your body, tights are what you wear on your legs), had to drive a child to school who missed the bus (always one of my favorite pastimes) and, sadly, had to deal solo with a dog's health crisis (including breaking the sad news to the kids that our beloved Charlie is very sick). I, on the other hand, had to deal only with decisions like whether to have the cookie dough brownie or the magic cookie bar with my daily coffee at the cafe, or which baby to hold and cuddle. Ah, life.
And now that I'm back, and fully into the throes of the household again, I realize there are some things I did NOT miss about being away. The biggest and most obvious: I did NOT miss my dogs. I know, that's so mean, but Shade's incessant whining, the frenzied barking at the door by three overreacting dogs and the general dog hair, slobbery water mess on the floor....nah, didn't miss that at all. Sure, I felt bad about Charlie and when I came back I snuggled with him in front of his favorite spot - the fireplace - and took a nap with him, but I did not miss the chaos that comes from having dogs.
I also did not miss having to make school lunches. Bleh. Last night I went to make lunches. But then I decided to quick switch the laundry around and put my clothes in the dryer. But then there was no basket. I heard they were all in Harrison's room. I went to get one. His floor was covered with clothes and several upended laundry baskets, one of which contained his $400 bass lying haphazardly inside a laundry basket (huh?). As I was retrieving a basket, I noticed several of my own clothing items on the floor. What the.....?? I picked through the mess and retrieved my own clothes as well as a couple of pairs of yoga pants and a t-shirt belonging to his sister. I put all the towels from the floor into one basket. I separated his darks and lights into his laundry basket. And I finally got three empty laundry baskets to take into the laundry room where I found my clothes mysteriously missing. Funny thing, while I was cleaning HIS room, he had dumped my clean clothes into a basket and deposited them in MY room.
I finally descended the stairs to make lunches. I put grapes into five baggies. Put out a yogurt for each lunch. Made sandwiches. Cut up five oranges and squeezed them into snack bags (p.s. the average-sized orange just barely fits into a standard sized, Ziploc snack bag). Juice boxes, water bottles, spoons, napkins and a handiwipe and lunches were finally done. But then I noticed the cereal shelf was a mess. And some of the cereal was sitting on the floor. So, I organized the cereal shelf and found a half-full box of Lucky Charms that had gone stale because someone was too lazy to fold down the inner bag. I found out we had three opened boxes of Rice Krispies. And that someone had deposited a box of granola upside down on the shelf. Sigh.
And then I had to clean up the kitchen and ask my daughter to unload and load the dishwasher which was met with an audible sigh and complaint because she was watching the AMA awards on TV (which she can see from the dishwasher!). And I had to wipe down the counters and collect the dirty dish towels and cloths and head upstairs with my laptop, a pile of dirty kitchen towels (plus one bath towel I found on the stairs!), a permission slip I needed to sign and a handful of lens cleaner wipes with which to clean my dirty laptop.
This entire process took about two hours. And I was just going to "go make lunches" and be back upstairs in twenty minutes to attend to all the things I needed to do on my computer since it had not been communicating with my wireless connection all weekend and was therefore useless to me. I stayed up till almost midnight sending emails, filling in my calendar with appointments, checking my Facebook and online shopping for Christmas.
In Boise, my computer worked, I didn't have to make school lunches, or pick up anyone's dirty towels, or clean cereal off the floor. I slept in every day, went to bed when I felt like it, spent my day snuggling cute babies and even snuck in a little shopping (sparkly shoes - yay!). Vacations are good. Being home is good. But it's not a vacation. And now I'm going to be late for work! Bye!
Friday, October 14, 2011
How convenient!
Today, just for a few minutes, I'd like you to stop what you are doing and think about how convenient everything is today. Your life is SO easy compared to, say, the pioneer woman's life. Take bread, for instance. This morning I wanted a pastry from the coffee shop. But, being too lazy to get in my gasoline-powered vehicle and DRIVE to the coffee shop (a walk that takes about 45 minutes, mind you), I decided to create my own pastry. I pulled a tube of crescent rolls out of the fridge to begin. Now, think. Who ever would have thought that one day we'd have perforated bread in a tube? Seriously? I filled the pre-formed triangles with chocolate and butterscotch chips. Think again - chips? Sweet treats already pre-formed into little drops? Can you believe there was a time when chocolate was a rarity, if one ever even had the pleasure of enjoying it? I mean, if your father wasn't a chocolatier in France, or your ancestors weren't the ancient Mayans, you might never have tasted chocolate once upon a time. GASP!
You probably took a nice, hot shower this morning. Besides the miracle of hot water being delivered into your home through an intricate series of pipes, you likely used another amazing product - body wash. Think of it, not too many years ago, one had to actually use a bar of SOAP to get clean. Now, we indulge in creamy, anti-aging, exotic-scented liquid body wash squirted directly from a plastic bottle onto a nylon pouf, and create bubbles upon bubbles. Did you know that soap used to be made using lye and rendered fat? No? Well I knew this because my husband, The Renaissance Man, recently made his own soap using rendered fat (yes, the icky stuff we pour off taco meat) and lye, which came in a bottle with a complicated chemical name that I'm not even going to try to spell. And, once you introduce this chemical process, the fat is no longer fat and the lye is no longer lye because it's gone through a process called saponification (or something like that) and it is now, officially, soap. See? It was so easy for YOU to just open a bottle of Caress body wash.
Today, everything is fast. We have smart phones and computers and iPads that deliver information in an instant. Except when there's a glitch and it takes four nanoseconds loner than normal. Then, we get all mad. We say things like "stupid computer" and "not so smart now, are we phone?". Or maybe that's just me. But the point is, we expect EVERYTHING in an instant. We microwave our food. When was the last time you stood and stirred something for 45 minutes? I haven't made a delicious pot-pie recipe in years because it requires 45 minutes of constant stirring the sauce, and who's going to just STAND there for 45 minutes stirring sauce. I mean, maybe if you were listening to a book on your iPod or watching a show on your under-the-cabinet-installed TV with cable in your kitchen. But to just STAND there and COOK? WTF?
Once upon a time families gathered around a wood-encased radio to listen to their "programs". Then, we got big, ol' black and white TVs that weighed about three tons and had "rabbit ears" to adjust the clarity. Now, we have flat-screen TVs mounted to our walls and if we don't have time to watch a show, we can just DVR it for later, AND skip the commercials. Personally, I don't have a DVR. If I miss a show, too bad for me. Lucky for me, if I really want to see something I miss, I can also watch it "on demand" or on the internet. Instant gratification. All the time.
The other day one of my kids said they were hungry. I said "make some macaroni and cheese or Top Ramen". They looked at me like I had two heads and said "But that takes SO LONG!" If it's not a Hot Pocket or frozen burrito that can be heated up in under two minutes, they're not interested. I will add here that boiling water takes about five minutes. Top Ramen can be made in about seven minutes and macaroni and cheese in about ten. But that takes TOO LONG!
When I was in school, if our pencil became dull, we had to place it into a manual sharpener and crank the handle to get a nice, sharp point. I always wanted a pencil sharpener at home. I thought that would be the ultimate luxury, because there was nothing quite so gratifying as a freshly sharpened pencil (disclaimer: I spent most of my childhood drawing....hours on end....I'm pretty sure my family thought I was autistic. But that's another story.) We never had a pencil sharpener at home, but now, in my own home, I have an electric pencil sharpener that I just stick a pencil into and it emerges all pointy and sharp. The worst part is the two or three seconds that you have to WAIT while it sharpens. I'm not embarrassed to admit that the other day I bought a hand-held pencil sharpener and sharpened about 200 colored pencils by hand. It was very gratifying.
Once upon a time mothers spent their time taking care of their own children. Then, came the age of working mothers and a mother had to carefully consider her child-care options, interviewing countless nannies or touring several daycare centers in order to make the decision that would be the right fit for the family. Now, we have daycare in the grocery store and "drop in playcare" where moms can just check their kids in like a shirt to the laundry and go off to pursue their own interests while perfect strangers attend to their most treasured offspring. How convenient is that?
We are the Convenience Age, no matter what other monikers society has given this generation. Instead of inviting a friend over for coffee that we make in our own kitchens, we have a coffee stand on every corner, and we drive with our paper coffee cups bobbling in our laps, slurping down our caffeine on the way to work or the doctor or to pick the kids up from soccer. We have instant oatmeal and drive-through prescription pick up. We are moving at the speed of light. So, I challenge you, this weekend, to do ONE thing "the slow way". Get up and change the channel. Simmer a soup slowly on the stove top. Hand-sew the hole in that shirt you've been meaning to get to for ages. Play a board game. Or hey, if you're really ambitious, make your own soap using rendered fat and lye. Whatever. Just do something slow. This instant!
You probably took a nice, hot shower this morning. Besides the miracle of hot water being delivered into your home through an intricate series of pipes, you likely used another amazing product - body wash. Think of it, not too many years ago, one had to actually use a bar of SOAP to get clean. Now, we indulge in creamy, anti-aging, exotic-scented liquid body wash squirted directly from a plastic bottle onto a nylon pouf, and create bubbles upon bubbles. Did you know that soap used to be made using lye and rendered fat? No? Well I knew this because my husband, The Renaissance Man, recently made his own soap using rendered fat (yes, the icky stuff we pour off taco meat) and lye, which came in a bottle with a complicated chemical name that I'm not even going to try to spell. And, once you introduce this chemical process, the fat is no longer fat and the lye is no longer lye because it's gone through a process called saponification (or something like that) and it is now, officially, soap. See? It was so easy for YOU to just open a bottle of Caress body wash.
Today, everything is fast. We have smart phones and computers and iPads that deliver information in an instant. Except when there's a glitch and it takes four nanoseconds loner than normal. Then, we get all mad. We say things like "stupid computer" and "not so smart now, are we phone?". Or maybe that's just me. But the point is, we expect EVERYTHING in an instant. We microwave our food. When was the last time you stood and stirred something for 45 minutes? I haven't made a delicious pot-pie recipe in years because it requires 45 minutes of constant stirring the sauce, and who's going to just STAND there for 45 minutes stirring sauce. I mean, maybe if you were listening to a book on your iPod or watching a show on your under-the-cabinet-installed TV with cable in your kitchen. But to just STAND there and COOK? WTF?
Once upon a time families gathered around a wood-encased radio to listen to their "programs". Then, we got big, ol' black and white TVs that weighed about three tons and had "rabbit ears" to adjust the clarity. Now, we have flat-screen TVs mounted to our walls and if we don't have time to watch a show, we can just DVR it for later, AND skip the commercials. Personally, I don't have a DVR. If I miss a show, too bad for me. Lucky for me, if I really want to see something I miss, I can also watch it "on demand" or on the internet. Instant gratification. All the time.
The other day one of my kids said they were hungry. I said "make some macaroni and cheese or Top Ramen". They looked at me like I had two heads and said "But that takes SO LONG!" If it's not a Hot Pocket or frozen burrito that can be heated up in under two minutes, they're not interested. I will add here that boiling water takes about five minutes. Top Ramen can be made in about seven minutes and macaroni and cheese in about ten. But that takes TOO LONG!
When I was in school, if our pencil became dull, we had to place it into a manual sharpener and crank the handle to get a nice, sharp point. I always wanted a pencil sharpener at home. I thought that would be the ultimate luxury, because there was nothing quite so gratifying as a freshly sharpened pencil (disclaimer: I spent most of my childhood drawing....hours on end....I'm pretty sure my family thought I was autistic. But that's another story.) We never had a pencil sharpener at home, but now, in my own home, I have an electric pencil sharpener that I just stick a pencil into and it emerges all pointy and sharp. The worst part is the two or three seconds that you have to WAIT while it sharpens. I'm not embarrassed to admit that the other day I bought a hand-held pencil sharpener and sharpened about 200 colored pencils by hand. It was very gratifying.
Once upon a time mothers spent their time taking care of their own children. Then, came the age of working mothers and a mother had to carefully consider her child-care options, interviewing countless nannies or touring several daycare centers in order to make the decision that would be the right fit for the family. Now, we have daycare in the grocery store and "drop in playcare" where moms can just check their kids in like a shirt to the laundry and go off to pursue their own interests while perfect strangers attend to their most treasured offspring. How convenient is that?
We are the Convenience Age, no matter what other monikers society has given this generation. Instead of inviting a friend over for coffee that we make in our own kitchens, we have a coffee stand on every corner, and we drive with our paper coffee cups bobbling in our laps, slurping down our caffeine on the way to work or the doctor or to pick the kids up from soccer. We have instant oatmeal and drive-through prescription pick up. We are moving at the speed of light. So, I challenge you, this weekend, to do ONE thing "the slow way". Get up and change the channel. Simmer a soup slowly on the stove top. Hand-sew the hole in that shirt you've been meaning to get to for ages. Play a board game. Or hey, if you're really ambitious, make your own soap using rendered fat and lye. Whatever. Just do something slow. This instant!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Happy Anniversary!
Today is our fifth anniversary! Ironic that my blog about being mad at Jeff is followed by a blog about being married to Jeff, but hey, that's what marriage is all about. Ups and downs. Trials and tribulations. Cheesecake in bed. Wait, that's what this morning is all about! We're eating cheesecake in bed to celebrate our five year anniversary and debating how to spend this beautiful sunny day.
Five years ago on this morning, we were busy getting ready for the wedding. Our wedding included only our family - me, Jeff, Hayley, Hannah, Arlie and Harrison. Hayley and Hannah were my maids of honor, Arlie was the flower girl and Harrison was the ring bearer and usher. We had decided to get married with only a couple weeks' notice (after having spent the last year living together as a family and waiting to tie up loose ends from our previous marriages!). That meant we planned, shopped and bought FAST. The best decision we made was to have our wedding at the Coeur d' Alene resort, where we got an all-inclusive package and a wedding planner that made it all SO easy to do long-distance. We got married on a weekend most of the family was gathering anyway, so no one had to do any extra traveling. Granted, our Seattle friends couldn't make it (with the exception of my best, best friend Tonya and her family - still love them for making the trip!), but most of the immediate family was there and some good friends as well.
In typical mom fashion, I busied myself with getting the kids ready and spent very little time getting myself ready! In fact, I quickly put my hair back in a couple of barrettes right before I had to walk down the aisle and didn't even pay much attention to my makeup, but it was fine because my kids looked beautiful and perfect! My dress was picked out by Tonya on a rush trip to Macy's the Monday before the wedding. We also found the girls' dresses there and found Arlie's flower girl dress at a boutique shop in Bothell the next day when leaving the orthodontist office. Right in front of us, in the window, was a perfect-looking dress and wouldn't you know, it was the right size too? Amazing. The boys got rented tuxes, which turned out great except that we picked them up on our way out of town, and didn't check the sizes. Harrison, age 7 at the time, ended up with men's pants, which Grandma Linda "hemmed" with a couple of safety pins right before the wedding!
I loved that all we had to do was show up in our finery and walk down the aisle. I loved that the minister included the kids in the ceremony, essentially marrying us as a family. I loved the food, the decor, the stunning view of Lake Coeur d' Alene, and the cake. Oh, the cake! The cake was, hands down, the BEST cake I've ever eaten in my life. It was created at Just American Desserts in Spokane and was covered with "tuxedo" strawberries (dipped in white and dark chocolate), cascading down the entire cake. Yum, yum, YUM. I still have never had a better cake. I wish I could replicate that cake every year for my anniversary, but that would require a five hour drive. Sigh.
The funniest part of the wedding was that Jeff's sister-in-law, Heather, decorated cans of "Flarp" (the "fart putty") with wedding pearls and set them out on all the tables. We had been hysterically laughing at this fart putty at the pig pickin' the day before, and so Heather thought it would be funny to classy up the cans and put them out as favors. It was hilarious and actually created entertainment for the many kids in attendance. Such a fun day!
The most touching part of the wedding was the toast Jeff gave. He had practiced it and even had it written out and in his coat pocket. It was sweet, touching, funny and really the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. The part I remember most was that he said I made life a celebration, even the most mundane things. I loved that part. Because we've been doing it as a family ever since that day, and it's made us have so many laughs and good times.
I'm really the luckiest girl ever. Who could ask for more, really, than a great husband and an amazingly funny family who loves each other so much? Not me. I'm happy.
Five years ago on this morning, we were busy getting ready for the wedding. Our wedding included only our family - me, Jeff, Hayley, Hannah, Arlie and Harrison. Hayley and Hannah were my maids of honor, Arlie was the flower girl and Harrison was the ring bearer and usher. We had decided to get married with only a couple weeks' notice (after having spent the last year living together as a family and waiting to tie up loose ends from our previous marriages!). That meant we planned, shopped and bought FAST. The best decision we made was to have our wedding at the Coeur d' Alene resort, where we got an all-inclusive package and a wedding planner that made it all SO easy to do long-distance. We got married on a weekend most of the family was gathering anyway, so no one had to do any extra traveling. Granted, our Seattle friends couldn't make it (with the exception of my best, best friend Tonya and her family - still love them for making the trip!), but most of the immediate family was there and some good friends as well.
In typical mom fashion, I busied myself with getting the kids ready and spent very little time getting myself ready! In fact, I quickly put my hair back in a couple of barrettes right before I had to walk down the aisle and didn't even pay much attention to my makeup, but it was fine because my kids looked beautiful and perfect! My dress was picked out by Tonya on a rush trip to Macy's the Monday before the wedding. We also found the girls' dresses there and found Arlie's flower girl dress at a boutique shop in Bothell the next day when leaving the orthodontist office. Right in front of us, in the window, was a perfect-looking dress and wouldn't you know, it was the right size too? Amazing. The boys got rented tuxes, which turned out great except that we picked them up on our way out of town, and didn't check the sizes. Harrison, age 7 at the time, ended up with men's pants, which Grandma Linda "hemmed" with a couple of safety pins right before the wedding!
I loved that all we had to do was show up in our finery and walk down the aisle. I loved that the minister included the kids in the ceremony, essentially marrying us as a family. I loved the food, the decor, the stunning view of Lake Coeur d' Alene, and the cake. Oh, the cake! The cake was, hands down, the BEST cake I've ever eaten in my life. It was created at Just American Desserts in Spokane and was covered with "tuxedo" strawberries (dipped in white and dark chocolate), cascading down the entire cake. Yum, yum, YUM. I still have never had a better cake. I wish I could replicate that cake every year for my anniversary, but that would require a five hour drive. Sigh.
The funniest part of the wedding was that Jeff's sister-in-law, Heather, decorated cans of "Flarp" (the "fart putty") with wedding pearls and set them out on all the tables. We had been hysterically laughing at this fart putty at the pig pickin' the day before, and so Heather thought it would be funny to classy up the cans and put them out as favors. It was hilarious and actually created entertainment for the many kids in attendance. Such a fun day!
The most touching part of the wedding was the toast Jeff gave. He had practiced it and even had it written out and in his coat pocket. It was sweet, touching, funny and really the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. The part I remember most was that he said I made life a celebration, even the most mundane things. I loved that part. Because we've been doing it as a family ever since that day, and it's made us have so many laughs and good times.
I'm really the luckiest girl ever. Who could ask for more, really, than a great husband and an amazingly funny family who loves each other so much? Not me. I'm happy.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Mom, I'm so bored!
Today we had a chronic case of the "mom, I'm so bored" syndrome that signifies midsummer. Although the kids have not been out of school a month yet. Still, Harrison was so bored and restless this afternoon. I signed him up to volunteer at vacation bible school. Thought that would keep him occupied this week. Nope. That just gets him up earlier so he has more time to complain about how bored he is all day. After VBS, we stopped by 7-11 to get our free Slurpees and it all went downhill from there. He wanted to "do something" and "go somewhere" but would not give me any suggestions. He said he wanted a friend over and then said he didn't. It was a perfect example of how our kids expect us to orchestrate their every moment. And of how, when you are one of four siblings, and none of those other siblings are around, you don't know what to do with yourself!
Our four kids have been scattered in different directions all summer. Arlie in Spokane, Hannah in California, Hayley working and on her own schedule now that she's graduated. Even Harrison was gone for a weekend over the 4th. So, it's been rare this past week or so to have more than two of them in the same place at the same time. There is no "routine" or schedule to base our days and hours on, so everyone is a little lost. It's all well and good when there's something fun going on, but when it's idle time....well, that's another story.
As Harrison flopped on the couch and bounced around from watching a movie, to being on Facebook, to playing the guitar, he repeatedly shot down all of my suggestions of things to do. I offered up a trip to the mall, a bike ride, a walk, baking something, making playdough, painting, making a video......nothing. Finally, after posting on Facebook, my plea was answered by another kid who invited him over. And all was well. Now, he's brought his friend over to our house, they've built a fire, and are having a grand old time. Why was this so difficult? Why did it take from noon to 5 p.m. to figure out "what to do"?
I don't want to get on my soapbox, but what the hell? When I was his age, I spent every waking minute making the most of my summer. Granted we didn't have Facebook, the internet, cell phones and other distractions, but we had FUN. Mornings were spent getting together with friends and making an elaborate plan for the day. We went exploring, played games involving scores of kids, had spontaneous water fights, and ended every night playing Kick the Can in the street. We would lay in the street, one kid after another, lined up like cars, and let my younger brother jump over us on his bike! I mean, what were we thinking? What if that back tire came down on one of our stomachs? As our parents would say "well, that'll teach you to do something stupid like that!"
I had high hopes that this summer would be different. The last day of school a bunch of neighborhood boys got into a project - building a fort. They gathered tools, scrap wood and spent two entire days working and arguing over plans, hammering nails, and trying to make the "best fort ever". Well, it all fell apart when someone tore down their work in the night and they couldn't agree on how to fix it. So much for that adventure!
One thing I know for sure - when I was young, my parents didn't know where we were half the time, and that was just fine on all sides. We knew how and when to get home if we wanted to eat, or needed to be home for dinner. And our parents knew they could probably just yell for us and we'd be within hearing distance. And if not? A quick phone call to another parent and THEY could yell for us. The point is, we were outside most of the day and when we were inside, we were usually only there long enough to eat lunch or dinner and head back out. I don't remember asking my mom what I could/should do. I'm certain I uttered the "I'm bored" more than a few times, but I really don't remember her rearranging her schedule to provide entertainment for the kids. Plus, if you were bored enough, you might get an extra chore to do. And who wanted that?
Sometimes it just feels really draining to have to orchestrate every minute of our kids' lives. So, I don't. And then.....when left to their own devices, they will inevitably choose one of these activities: Facebook, cell phone, internet, watching TV. Sad, huh? They don't get bored enough to spend time finding things to do. Or things to get in trouble for. Or perhaps something that'll "take an eye out". There's just no adventure anymore. I mean, what's summer without playing "Charlie's Angels" with the neighborhood kids, using a hose nozzle as a "gun" and carting the wounded out on the toy box lid? Ok, I'm dating myself, but you get my point. My twelve year old boy should be outside, always slightly sunburned, with skinned knees, and end each day so dirty I have to force him into the shower. Instead he remains neat as a pin, nary a hair on his Justin Bieber'd head disturbed and I can't remember the last time he needed a Band-Aid for any battle wound.
I did finally succumb to his pleas of boredom today and when he asked if he could pop the balloons from a recent party, I let him hold a lighter to them until they popped. Yeah, a lighter. Fire. IN the house. Cool.
Our four kids have been scattered in different directions all summer. Arlie in Spokane, Hannah in California, Hayley working and on her own schedule now that she's graduated. Even Harrison was gone for a weekend over the 4th. So, it's been rare this past week or so to have more than two of them in the same place at the same time. There is no "routine" or schedule to base our days and hours on, so everyone is a little lost. It's all well and good when there's something fun going on, but when it's idle time....well, that's another story.
As Harrison flopped on the couch and bounced around from watching a movie, to being on Facebook, to playing the guitar, he repeatedly shot down all of my suggestions of things to do. I offered up a trip to the mall, a bike ride, a walk, baking something, making playdough, painting, making a video......nothing. Finally, after posting on Facebook, my plea was answered by another kid who invited him over. And all was well. Now, he's brought his friend over to our house, they've built a fire, and are having a grand old time. Why was this so difficult? Why did it take from noon to 5 p.m. to figure out "what to do"?
I don't want to get on my soapbox, but what the hell? When I was his age, I spent every waking minute making the most of my summer. Granted we didn't have Facebook, the internet, cell phones and other distractions, but we had FUN. Mornings were spent getting together with friends and making an elaborate plan for the day. We went exploring, played games involving scores of kids, had spontaneous water fights, and ended every night playing Kick the Can in the street. We would lay in the street, one kid after another, lined up like cars, and let my younger brother jump over us on his bike! I mean, what were we thinking? What if that back tire came down on one of our stomachs? As our parents would say "well, that'll teach you to do something stupid like that!"
I had high hopes that this summer would be different. The last day of school a bunch of neighborhood boys got into a project - building a fort. They gathered tools, scrap wood and spent two entire days working and arguing over plans, hammering nails, and trying to make the "best fort ever". Well, it all fell apart when someone tore down their work in the night and they couldn't agree on how to fix it. So much for that adventure!
One thing I know for sure - when I was young, my parents didn't know where we were half the time, and that was just fine on all sides. We knew how and when to get home if we wanted to eat, or needed to be home for dinner. And our parents knew they could probably just yell for us and we'd be within hearing distance. And if not? A quick phone call to another parent and THEY could yell for us. The point is, we were outside most of the day and when we were inside, we were usually only there long enough to eat lunch or dinner and head back out. I don't remember asking my mom what I could/should do. I'm certain I uttered the "I'm bored" more than a few times, but I really don't remember her rearranging her schedule to provide entertainment for the kids. Plus, if you were bored enough, you might get an extra chore to do. And who wanted that?
Sometimes it just feels really draining to have to orchestrate every minute of our kids' lives. So, I don't. And then.....when left to their own devices, they will inevitably choose one of these activities: Facebook, cell phone, internet, watching TV. Sad, huh? They don't get bored enough to spend time finding things to do. Or things to get in trouble for. Or perhaps something that'll "take an eye out". There's just no adventure anymore. I mean, what's summer without playing "Charlie's Angels" with the neighborhood kids, using a hose nozzle as a "gun" and carting the wounded out on the toy box lid? Ok, I'm dating myself, but you get my point. My twelve year old boy should be outside, always slightly sunburned, with skinned knees, and end each day so dirty I have to force him into the shower. Instead he remains neat as a pin, nary a hair on his Justin Bieber'd head disturbed and I can't remember the last time he needed a Band-Aid for any battle wound.
I did finally succumb to his pleas of boredom today and when he asked if he could pop the balloons from a recent party, I let him hold a lighter to them until they popped. Yeah, a lighter. Fire. IN the house. Cool.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Why are grown-ups so tired?
This question was posed to me last night by my otherwise intelligent 12-year-old son, Harrison, when both Jeff and I expressed, at past 11 p.m., that we were tired. "Why are grown-ups so tired all the time?" he wanted to know. And I launched into a brief, yet powerful, explanation that involved something about "because you kids never pick up after yourselves" which ended in a group eye-roll and a "Why did you even ask that?" admonishment from Hannah.
But, kids, it's your lucky day! Because I'm here to explain, once and for all, why grown-ups are so tired all the time. We begin with that bane of grown-up existence - the JOB. Yes, that thing daddies and mommies go to every day, that keeps them from home for nine or sixteen hours, is often in a mysterious location, and involves some type of "work" that can only be explained in simple terms such as "daddy works to cure cancer" or "mommy fights corporate giants". Imagine, children, if you will, having to go to school TWICE in one day! Gasp! And have twice the homework! And meaner teachers! That, in essence, is a job.
But my mommy "stays home" you say? So, she "doesn't have a real job"? ...........sorry, I just fell over laughing. I'm back now. Mommies and daddies who "stay home" with their children do not really stay home. Is your mommy sitting on her ample bum eating bon bons or is she driving you to soccer practice? And gymnastics? And Italian cooking classes? Children, your mommy (and the still-rare "stay at home daddy") is a busy, busy person. She picks up after you. She makes your food. She allows you to destroy her otherwise marginally clean home with your pack of wild animals you call "friends". She, quite literally, moves mountains - of laundry and crap that is strewn across the family room floor. She brings your lunch when you forget it. She writes checks for your expensive drama retreat and your overly-priced field trip to the fun center to ride bumper cars and eat tasteless pizza.
Your daddy works at his mysterious job, then comes home to fix broken chairs, find out why your fish died, stomp down the recycle bin, fix the radiator in your car so you don't have to ride the (horrors!) bus to school, kill spiders, clean dog barf off the carpet, and maybe find a small sliver of time in which to work out or pursue his own hobbies, while still dispensing his wit and wisdom to counteract your latest teenage drama and single-handedly hand-toss fifteen pizzas for your weekly "movie night".
In between all of that, mommies and daddies rarely have time to enjoy the luxurious pursuits that you enjoy, such as lounging in front of the TV, eating and drinking all day and leaving dishes in your wake, or asking for $20 to go to the movies with their friends. We're too busy wondering why that pile of random clothes is still sitting at the top of the stairs, even though we asked you three days ago to pick it up. We're confused as to how every single glass in the house could possibly be dirty when we have an actual dishwasher that could clean them, if only someone would fill it and empty it. We're scratching our heads as to how you can still possibly have another clean piece of clothing to wear when you have a pile of laundry that carpets your bedroom floor - several inches high!
Beyond that, we have worry and concern........will you ever learn how to properly close a cereal box? Will you ever get a job? When you do, will you understand that if you spend all your money on a purple hoodie, you might not have enough left over to pay your car insurance bill? Will you ever understand the peace that relative order and neatness can bring? And more importantly, will you ever learn that wiping up spilled chocolate milk with a dish towel and not rinsing it out can only result in a permanently stained dish towel that will have to be relegated to the rag pile?
This, children, is why grown-ups are so tired. We do and do and do all day long. We give and give and give. Sometimes, we'd like someone to give a little back, you know, to allow us more time to rest and relax and be more fun, and perhaps, conceive of the concept of starting a movie AFTER MIDNIGHT and actually staying awake to finish watching it. Wonderful, you say! How can this happen? Well, this is where you come in. Lucky for you, I have compiled a list of things YOU can do to help stop the epidemic of overly-tired grown-ups who are "more fun" and "not boring".
1. Pick up after yourselves. If you eat an Air Head, put the wrapper in the trash. Same applies to cheese sticks, granola bars and juice boxes.
2. Rinse and re-use your cup for a WHOLE DAY! I know this is a shocking concept, but watch and see the amazing results.
3. If you enjoy a nice bowl of artificially colored, sugared cereal with fresh, cold milk, close the box of cereal properly when you are finished pouring it, return it to the gaping empty spot from which you retrieved it instead of tossing it on the pantry floor, and return the milk to the refrigerator. Because cold milk is a privilege we all should enjoy.
4. Do a load of laundry at least twice a week. Avoid the embarrassment of having to wear gym shorts to school because all your jeans are dirty, and, please, do not try to pass off the wrinkled, straight from the hamper look as "chic". Everyone knows. Plus, there's the smell.
5. Put your laundry in it's receptacle. Not on your floor. This makes it so much easier to walk around your room and bathroom, plus, you will actually have a chance of escaping if there's a fire. Imagine the tragedy if we had to tell the sad, sad story over and over again of how our little darlings died in the house fire because their sneakers and hoodies became entangled in their pajama bottoms as they rushed to make their escape, which was hampered anyway but their inability to open the door due to piles of dirty laundry. Tragic, indeed.
6. If you are so inclined as to hone your essential cooking or baking skills in the family kitchen, please clean up afterwards. Hardened cake batter and coagulated mac 'n' cheese are so much harder to remove than if you rinse right away!
7. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are crazy enough to allow you to have a sleepover/crash pad/frat party with seventeen of your closest friends, please be courteous and pick up and wash all blankets and pillowcases the next day. Fold them! Put them away! This, alone, will save grown-ups countless hours of hard labor, and, subsequently, less tiredness.
8. Pay your mother some respect for teaching you how to read. Award her for those countless hours of flash cards by actually reading the handy list of chores she has so thoughtfully inscribed for you and DO THEM. Every day. Think of it this way - would you rather do a small amount of chores each day or spend an entire weekend day doing hard labor and listening to your grown-ups scream, rant and threaten? P.S. Screaming is hard work and makes grown-ups VERY tired.
9. Learn some basic skills such as how to unclog a toilet, prepare a simple meal, use the carpet cleaner on a spot of dog barf, wipe a counter, wash a window, and run a vacuum. These will serve you well into your adult years, until you can produce some offspring of your own to do them.
10. Say a kind word to the grown-up in your life. "Please" and "thank you" are a nice start, but some other favorites are "how can I help?" and "why don't you rest while I do that?" and "grande or venti?" and "olive or twist?" Those are all good things to say to mommies and daddies and make them much, much less tired and more fun!
So, there you have it, kids - the answer (along with some helpful tips) on how to help grown-ups be less tired and more fun. Follow this sage advice, and before you know it, your mom will be hopping off the couch at ten p.m. shouting "DQ run! I'm buying!" or your dad might say "Who wants to go to the mall? I'll drive and here's $20!" You just never know what might result if you follow the above advice closely. And every day. In the meantime, mommy and daddy will be napping because we're so, so tired..........
But, kids, it's your lucky day! Because I'm here to explain, once and for all, why grown-ups are so tired all the time. We begin with that bane of grown-up existence - the JOB. Yes, that thing daddies and mommies go to every day, that keeps them from home for nine or sixteen hours, is often in a mysterious location, and involves some type of "work" that can only be explained in simple terms such as "daddy works to cure cancer" or "mommy fights corporate giants". Imagine, children, if you will, having to go to school TWICE in one day! Gasp! And have twice the homework! And meaner teachers! That, in essence, is a job.
But my mommy "stays home" you say? So, she "doesn't have a real job"? ...........sorry, I just fell over laughing. I'm back now. Mommies and daddies who "stay home" with their children do not really stay home. Is your mommy sitting on her ample bum eating bon bons or is she driving you to soccer practice? And gymnastics? And Italian cooking classes? Children, your mommy (and the still-rare "stay at home daddy") is a busy, busy person. She picks up after you. She makes your food. She allows you to destroy her otherwise marginally clean home with your pack of wild animals you call "friends". She, quite literally, moves mountains - of laundry and crap that is strewn across the family room floor. She brings your lunch when you forget it. She writes checks for your expensive drama retreat and your overly-priced field trip to the fun center to ride bumper cars and eat tasteless pizza.
Your daddy works at his mysterious job, then comes home to fix broken chairs, find out why your fish died, stomp down the recycle bin, fix the radiator in your car so you don't have to ride the (horrors!) bus to school, kill spiders, clean dog barf off the carpet, and maybe find a small sliver of time in which to work out or pursue his own hobbies, while still dispensing his wit and wisdom to counteract your latest teenage drama and single-handedly hand-toss fifteen pizzas for your weekly "movie night".
In between all of that, mommies and daddies rarely have time to enjoy the luxurious pursuits that you enjoy, such as lounging in front of the TV, eating and drinking all day and leaving dishes in your wake, or asking for $20 to go to the movies with their friends. We're too busy wondering why that pile of random clothes is still sitting at the top of the stairs, even though we asked you three days ago to pick it up. We're confused as to how every single glass in the house could possibly be dirty when we have an actual dishwasher that could clean them, if only someone would fill it and empty it. We're scratching our heads as to how you can still possibly have another clean piece of clothing to wear when you have a pile of laundry that carpets your bedroom floor - several inches high!
Beyond that, we have worry and concern........will you ever learn how to properly close a cereal box? Will you ever get a job? When you do, will you understand that if you spend all your money on a purple hoodie, you might not have enough left over to pay your car insurance bill? Will you ever understand the peace that relative order and neatness can bring? And more importantly, will you ever learn that wiping up spilled chocolate milk with a dish towel and not rinsing it out can only result in a permanently stained dish towel that will have to be relegated to the rag pile?
This, children, is why grown-ups are so tired. We do and do and do all day long. We give and give and give. Sometimes, we'd like someone to give a little back, you know, to allow us more time to rest and relax and be more fun, and perhaps, conceive of the concept of starting a movie AFTER MIDNIGHT and actually staying awake to finish watching it. Wonderful, you say! How can this happen? Well, this is where you come in. Lucky for you, I have compiled a list of things YOU can do to help stop the epidemic of overly-tired grown-ups who are "more fun" and "not boring".
1. Pick up after yourselves. If you eat an Air Head, put the wrapper in the trash. Same applies to cheese sticks, granola bars and juice boxes.
2. Rinse and re-use your cup for a WHOLE DAY! I know this is a shocking concept, but watch and see the amazing results.
3. If you enjoy a nice bowl of artificially colored, sugared cereal with fresh, cold milk, close the box of cereal properly when you are finished pouring it, return it to the gaping empty spot from which you retrieved it instead of tossing it on the pantry floor, and return the milk to the refrigerator. Because cold milk is a privilege we all should enjoy.
4. Do a load of laundry at least twice a week. Avoid the embarrassment of having to wear gym shorts to school because all your jeans are dirty, and, please, do not try to pass off the wrinkled, straight from the hamper look as "chic". Everyone knows. Plus, there's the smell.
5. Put your laundry in it's receptacle. Not on your floor. This makes it so much easier to walk around your room and bathroom, plus, you will actually have a chance of escaping if there's a fire. Imagine the tragedy if we had to tell the sad, sad story over and over again of how our little darlings died in the house fire because their sneakers and hoodies became entangled in their pajama bottoms as they rushed to make their escape, which was hampered anyway but their inability to open the door due to piles of dirty laundry. Tragic, indeed.
6. If you are so inclined as to hone your essential cooking or baking skills in the family kitchen, please clean up afterwards. Hardened cake batter and coagulated mac 'n' cheese are so much harder to remove than if you rinse right away!
7. If you are lucky enough to have parents who are crazy enough to allow you to have a sleepover/crash pad/frat party with seventeen of your closest friends, please be courteous and pick up and wash all blankets and pillowcases the next day. Fold them! Put them away! This, alone, will save grown-ups countless hours of hard labor, and, subsequently, less tiredness.
8. Pay your mother some respect for teaching you how to read. Award her for those countless hours of flash cards by actually reading the handy list of chores she has so thoughtfully inscribed for you and DO THEM. Every day. Think of it this way - would you rather do a small amount of chores each day or spend an entire weekend day doing hard labor and listening to your grown-ups scream, rant and threaten? P.S. Screaming is hard work and makes grown-ups VERY tired.
9. Learn some basic skills such as how to unclog a toilet, prepare a simple meal, use the carpet cleaner on a spot of dog barf, wipe a counter, wash a window, and run a vacuum. These will serve you well into your adult years, until you can produce some offspring of your own to do them.
10. Say a kind word to the grown-up in your life. "Please" and "thank you" are a nice start, but some other favorites are "how can I help?" and "why don't you rest while I do that?" and "grande or venti?" and "olive or twist?" Those are all good things to say to mommies and daddies and make them much, much less tired and more fun!
So, there you have it, kids - the answer (along with some helpful tips) on how to help grown-ups be less tired and more fun. Follow this sage advice, and before you know it, your mom will be hopping off the couch at ten p.m. shouting "DQ run! I'm buying!" or your dad might say "Who wants to go to the mall? I'll drive and here's $20!" You just never know what might result if you follow the above advice closely. And every day. In the meantime, mommy and daddy will be napping because we're so, so tired..........
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Teach your children well........
When our kids are little, we teach them many "life skills".......such as dressing themselves, using the potty, brushing their teeth, taking a shower. We're so proud and happy when they achieve each and every milestone that, while basking in our happiness and pride, we often forget to teach the "fringe benefits" to each life lesson. For example, we teach our children to use the potty, but do we remember to teach them to change the toilet paper roll? Or to always make sure there's extra toilet paper in the bathroom? I'm pretty sure we don't, as evidenced by my children, who all use the potty like experts, but still can only manage, at the very highest level of competency, to unwrap a new roll of toilet paper and set in on the counter, inches away from the holder (oh, and they "miss" when they throw the wrapper in the trash).
Which is another life skill - good aim. I often find more trash outside the trash can than actually IN it, specifically in the kids' bathroom. Now, I KNOW I taught them that icky things go IN the garbage, but I guess I forgot to have them take practice shots so that the refuse would actually make contact with the INSIDE of the can. Kind of reminds me of their laundry bin. Definitely more clothes on the outside, carpeting the floor, than on the inside (in their defense, it's usually packed full, because that's another skill I forgot to teach them - if the laundry bin is FULL, one must actually DO the laundry to get it EMPTY again).
Now, I do remember teaching my little ones to brush their teeth. I supervised until I felt they had it just right and could polish those pearly whites to a gleam. What I failed to teach was how to spit without splattering the mirror and how to rinse rogue blobs of toothpaste down the drain. Silly me.
I beamed with pride the first time they made their own snack! What geniuses! What bright children! However, in my giddy glory of pride, I forgot to teach them how to clean up after that snack, actually rinsing off the dish and putting it in the dishwasher. (Note to my children: the dishwasher is that big, squarish thing to the right of the sink that makes a whooshing noise a few times a day).
One of the trickier skills of childhood is taking lids off of various products. That's why they make childproof lids! But once a child is old enough to actually USE said products, that small motor skill of unscrewing or uncapping or flipping up a lid is refined. However, I also seem to have forgotten to teach them how to replace said lids. In fact, I'm pretty sure they think the lid is disposable!
My kids can make some pretty big messes. But that's ok, because we live in a pretty big house. Isn't that why we move to bigger and bigger houses as we have more children? So they have more places to leave their messes, and still manage to find a "clean space" to make another one? I think it's time to move up again. This time we'll need a mansion!
Which is another life skill - good aim. I often find more trash outside the trash can than actually IN it, specifically in the kids' bathroom. Now, I KNOW I taught them that icky things go IN the garbage, but I guess I forgot to have them take practice shots so that the refuse would actually make contact with the INSIDE of the can. Kind of reminds me of their laundry bin. Definitely more clothes on the outside, carpeting the floor, than on the inside (in their defense, it's usually packed full, because that's another skill I forgot to teach them - if the laundry bin is FULL, one must actually DO the laundry to get it EMPTY again).
Now, I do remember teaching my little ones to brush their teeth. I supervised until I felt they had it just right and could polish those pearly whites to a gleam. What I failed to teach was how to spit without splattering the mirror and how to rinse rogue blobs of toothpaste down the drain. Silly me.
I beamed with pride the first time they made their own snack! What geniuses! What bright children! However, in my giddy glory of pride, I forgot to teach them how to clean up after that snack, actually rinsing off the dish and putting it in the dishwasher. (Note to my children: the dishwasher is that big, squarish thing to the right of the sink that makes a whooshing noise a few times a day).
One of the trickier skills of childhood is taking lids off of various products. That's why they make childproof lids! But once a child is old enough to actually USE said products, that small motor skill of unscrewing or uncapping or flipping up a lid is refined. However, I also seem to have forgotten to teach them how to replace said lids. In fact, I'm pretty sure they think the lid is disposable!
My kids can make some pretty big messes. But that's ok, because we live in a pretty big house. Isn't that why we move to bigger and bigger houses as we have more children? So they have more places to leave their messes, and still manage to find a "clean space" to make another one? I think it's time to move up again. This time we'll need a mansion!
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