What I did today..........

I started my day out by going to yoga. I was wearing one of those tank top shirts with the built in bra (underwire and all, I'm no fool, no "shelf bra" for me unless it's made of reinforced steel!). Over that I was wearing a v-neck t-shirt (cleverly emblazoned with "peace" - SO very yoga-esque). Well, this whole ensemble, to my dismay, did not provide a lot of good coverage. I mean, if I am flashing MYSELF as I do downward dog, imagine what my poor yoga teacher, Tracie, must have been seeing directly across from me! There wasn't much I could do about it, either, so after class I apologized for flashing her for the last hour. She laughed it off but later put this post on my Facebook "Mary-Leah, next time.........TURTLENECK!" Ha. Ha. Funny.

So, after yoga I came home and the minute I walked in the door, the kids were dropped off by their dad from their overnight w/ him. I had a coffee date with Carla, to which I invited the kids, but Hannah declined (in favor, I guess, of watching the Harry Potter movies ALL day long.......). Hayley and Harrison came along and we browsed the University Bookstore while waiting for Carla to meet us at Starbucks. My cheap eye was immediately drawn to the 50 percent off table where I found, among other treasures, Obama paper dolls and a book called "Bigfoot: Exposed."

We had a lovely coffee date with Carla (the kids had Jamba Juice with free coupons I received at a PTSA volunteer appreciation lunch) and then went browsing at this cute little gift shop (danger, danger!). Of course, I had to buy, for my home, a handpainted sign that said "Not Under Construction: Kids Just Live Here" which I hung on the front door. Hayley begged me to buy her a sign that said "I don't do mornings" and Harrison, for some unknown reason, insisted on buying two puppets. Puppets? I put my foot down on the $120 handpainted puppet theater, but he did make off with a frog dressed as a king and a bear with legs (that was the selling point "he has legs!"). He says he's going to put on puppet shows for everyone. Okay. In the store he gave us a brief example and it involved the two animals arguing about which Chardonnay they wanted. Is it any surprise his friend recently referred to him as "the king of comedy"?

I came home and spent three hours at Carla's house helping her post photos on Facebook. Time flies when you're having fun! Then, I decided I really must go home and pretend to cook dinner. Well, I actually had to cook it, but you know, I had to pretend like I do this every night. I boiled up some fresh corn on the cob (ok, not really fresh, but you know, it had the shuck on it and all, who cares if it had been sitting, sweltering in a plastic bag since.......um........Sunday?). Add to that a couple bags of Trader Joe's frozen orange chicken and voila! Dinner. Then, Hannah said "I want a cake" so Hayley made one. And brought me the beaters and frosting bowl to lick. Which is why I've decided to put her back in my will.

Later, while I wasted time on Facebook and such, and reminded myself that I really needed to pack for camping tomorrow and realized - oh, the horror! - that I also had to bring FOOD for seven people and I didn't exactly go grocery shopping (you shoulda seen me throw crap into bags, I hope it's enough to feed us all for a couple of days.......), I finally decided to go pack and of course that led to doing laundry and folding stuff and hanging stuff and...ugh...that is just a never ending job. But I managed to pack my bag and fold and hang three or four loads of laundry as well. However, that is not the most exciting part, OH NO!

While I was packing Hannah yelled "Mom, Charlie is having a seizure!" so of course I had to go all 911 and take care of the situation because I am our resident medical expert and the ONLY one who will actually put the syringe up Charlie's butt to deliver the exact dosage of valium to stop his seizure, AND push a full syringe of water after that to deliver the dosage effectively. Oh yes, I put a tube up my dog's butt. And, no I can't even believe it myself. But, that being done, Charlie spazzed out a few more minutes, then hopped up and went on his merry way as though nothing had happened.

But that's not the best part, there's more! So, shortly after that, Georgette started growling at the back door and she NEVER does that so I got all excited because I knew that meant murderous intruder or wild animal, both of which would put some spark into an otherwise dull evening so I immediately opened the back door and watched the dogs go all Cujo. They ran back and forth all crazy and jumped on the fence. So, being the glutton for excitement that I am, I let them out in the park! Woo-hoo, showtime! They went nuts, running crazy and peeing on everything and I thought, oh this is good. This is like coyote or raccoon good.......and guess what? After passing under this one tree five or six times, I finally looked up and there was a raccoon staring back at me! He was so cute, with his little striped tail and bandit mask, almost cuddly. But I'm no fool. I knew that cute little creature would go ballistic on me in a second and rip my eyes out so I kept my distance (but of course screamed for the girls to come and see, because how many times does your dog tree a raccoon in suburban Bothell?). It was so "Where the Red Fern Grows" (except I didn't cut down the tree). And Georgette and Charlie ran in circles all proud just like Dan and Little Ann. Finally I decided we'd tortured the poor raccoon long enough and I put the dogs away, but then I thought, PHOTO MOMENT! And I ran inside to grab my camera.

But, NO! As I was rushing back outside, Nikon at the ready, a crane fly the size of Texas flew in the back door, sending the girls SCREAMING like Ninjas, running in circles and ending up with a crash as they locked themselves in the office. I grabbed our oversized fly swatter and proceeded to have a game of cat and mouse with the stupid insect (ok, it was more like a small bird, but still). I finally got him cornered and SMACK! He was done for. The girls tentatively crept out and screamed some more at his corpse. When I finally went out to get my photo, the raccoon, as I suspected, had hightailed it out of there and my photo op was gone forever. Damn.

But THEN, Harrison and Jeff came home from salmon fishing. Because, you know, when you're going camping the next day, you have all the time in the world to go salmon fishing off the Edmonds pier. They caught a giant sea star which broke the line. No salmon. So, as they are cleaning up, Harrison discoveres ONE leftover firework. A fountain. "Emits showers of sparks" says the label. He begs to light it, and even though it's after 9 p.m. I figure, it's just showers of sparks, harmless right? NO! It starts out all innocent and sparky as promised and then erupts into LOUD, obnoxious pops and cracks and booms which go on seemingly forever! We stood there, willing it to stop, as our neighbor across the street looked angrily out the window, holding the (presumably rudely awakened) baby on her hip. Embarrassing! I slipped inside hoping to avoid a scene. Or perhaps the law.

And so that was pretty much it. A little more laundry, a little more packing, tucking Harrison in, sipping the fruity adult beverage my husband so lovingly brought me in the laundry room "to stay hydrated", a shower (because, it's a hot mother ****er today!) and here I am, telling you all about a day in the life. Hope you enjoyed it. Because now it's after midnight and it's really a whole other day now. And I'm sure more adventure awaits...........but until then.............