*$&%^ or Swearing When You Have Kids in the House

I swear. No, I mean, I really do swear. You know, I cuss - I say all the cuss words I know on a fairly regular basis (well some are reserved for special times). And my kids are constantly calling me on it. Now, when they were much smaller, I couldn't say ANYTHING without having it repeated, so I had to learn to hold my tongue. But who hasn't let a shit or damn slip out and have a precocious toddler repeat it? Once, when Doug was changing a lightbulb, it popped in his hand and he reacted with "Son of a bitch!" For two months after that Hayley, then 2 years old, went around saying "bitch, bitch, bitch" at random. She finally put two and two together and one day, when she was mad at me for saying no to something (another Barney video? no Pop-Tarts for dinner?) she slapped me on the backs of my legs and shouted "BITCH!" Excellent. But I did try to hold back when they were smaller. However, at some point, kids cross that line between repeating everything and KNOWING they are not supposed to say certain "bad words". And then they become the swear police. Their eyes grow wide and they give a little gasp and say "Ohhhh, you said a SWEAR! (or "the S word" or "the B word" or whatever)" I find it amusing, and I certainly do not want my children swearing, but I say it's my choice as a grown-up to swear or not. It's not like I'm slinging the F word around every five minutes. But shit, damn, hell, bitch, ass........those are sometimes just more descriptive that shoot, darn, h-e-double hockey sticks, beeyotch and bum. For a while there was a debate in my house as to whether "crap" was a swear word and could you say it? And I explained it this way - it's not a "swear word" per se, but it doesn't sound very nice when a little kid says it. (You may argue here, that it doesn't sound very nice when a grown-up says it, to which I will say shut the hell up you judgemental freak!). Anyway. Now that my kids are a bit older (and have taken the liberty to include "crap", "sucks" and "beeyotch" into their daily language), I find myself not censoring as much. As in (while child is in front of the TV), "mom can you get me ______" to which I might reply "Get off your ass and get it!" I mean, really? I COULD say "darling, could you please get it yourself?" but that might sound like "por favor, yo quiero Taco Bell". Basically speaking a foreign language. Because that's just not me. I know, I know, the parenting books all SAY to model good behavior etc. But my parents swore like sailors and I NEVER swore in front of them until I was an adult. So, I knew my limits. And my kids do, too. Maybe they swear at school occasionally (although I know for a fact that Hannah's friends make fun of her for NOT swearing), but as long as they talk respectfully to adults and don't swear in front of them, I'm fine with that. When I occasionally go off on one of my crazy banshee cleaning frenzies I might shout "THERE IS TOO MUCH SHIT IN THIS HOUSE!" but it's TRUE. You know, that stuff you just can't categorize, like plastic skeletons, sticky spider webs, miscellaneous marbles. It's just SHIT. That sums it up nicely. I remember once Harrison, age 3, walking into the family room while we were watching TV and saying "what the hell is going on in here?" He was just trying it on for size and really had no idea what he was saying but what did we do? We laughed our asses off, that's what! Because it's FUNNY! Another time, not too long ago, Harrison, being the pre-teen that he is, kept telling stories about his day, which always seemed to include a kid on the bus saying the "S word". He would pause in the story and say "can I say it?" and I'd always answer "NO!" because we all know he's just looking for a reason to swear. Well, finally one night, in the middle of dinner I made him stand up and say ALL the swear words he knew, out loud, just ONCE ("and then you can never say them again"). I figured it would get it out of his system. What it did was give me an education! I didn't know half the words he said when I was ten! I didn't know some of them till I was twenty! Wow. Times have changed. And children, well, they DO pick up on things we do and say. For example, once when Arlie was a toddler, she wanted to ride her battery-operated fire truck. It needed batteries or some such thing, and Jeff told her as much. Her reply? "Well, get off your ass and fix it!" Out of the mouths of babes. They're precious, aren't they? Well, hell, it's time to wrap this up so I can go eat some shit for dinner. Damn. Happy Friday!

Farting at Yoga

Tonight I will touch upon a sensitive subject. Farting at yoga. Yes, I said that. Because, you see, sometimes people fart at yoga. And it's not easy to hide. Yoga is done in silence. It's very quiet, save for the occasional groan or giggle when one lands on one's butt because they wear yoga pants that are too long. But I digress. I'm here to talk about farting in yoga. First, I must qualify this to say I have NEVER farted at yoga. Well, out loud anyways. But other people have and there's just nothing more humiliating than hearing someone rip one and wondering who it was (or worse, knowing for SURE who it was, and having to pretend you don't know). I, of course, find farting hysterical, even more so when amplified in an Om-type silence while flowing through our asanas. But I can't laugh out loud! Oh no, not when everyone is just moving along, pretending they didn't hear it (c'mon we ALL heard it) and acting all Zen-ed out and stuff. What-EVER! You know you are cracking up inside. But here's the thing - it's a wonder we don't ALL fart at yoga. Because some of those poses....well, let's just say they squeeze parts of you that should not be squeezed and if you HAPPEN to have a little extra air in there, well, it's gotta come out. Amplified. And in front of a crowd. Mortifying! Or maybe not. Because no one has ever 'fessed up to farting in yoga. Would you? Heck no, not when you can pretend it's someone else! You just flow along, moving through your poses like there was nary an interruption (oh me? No, I was just rocking this warrior pose). But it's like some people just don't CARE! I mean, after the ultimate mortification of actually FARTING out loud for everyone to hear, I couldn't NOT make fun of myself and crack up. I'd probably ruin the class for laughing out loud. But the farts I've heard? No ownership at all! They say you should "not eat a heavy meal two hours prior to class". I used to think, oh yeah, because all those forward folds and such, you might get a tummy ache from your dinner being squished up under your ribcage. But nooooo......it's so you don't offend your fellow yogis by ripping a loud one in the middle of child's pose when your butt is reaching for the heavens and all exposed and stuff. And why is farting so funny anyway? I mean, everyone does it, it's perfectly natural, but it cracks people up when it happens. There are even farting contests and fake fart sounds that make people bust a gut. So funny! But there is a time and a place and the middle of yoga is just so........quiet. I live in mortal fear of ripping one in yoga - you know, one of those that just slips out and you didn't even know it was coming? How can you stay grounded after that? Have I cursed myself by writing this post? Perhaps. Namaste!

Update on Project Laundry

So far, Hayley, Hannah and Harrison have done their own laundry (Arlie's turn is tonight). Hayley and Hannah did fine, but their clothes are still sitting in baskets, waiting to be folded and put away (hmmm..........wonder how many months THAT will take?). Harrison poured chlorine bleach into his loads (oops! I said "Clorox 2 color safe bleach" and he saw "Clorox" on the bottle and assumed it was the right stuff). He only ruined two old shirts that were getting too small anyway, and they got a few spots on them. Otherwise, miraculously, even his darks and jeans came away unscathed (thank GOD because I can't keep the kid in jeans anyway, he outgrows them every couple of months). Again, his stuff is sitting in a basket. I've been doing my stuff in between their loads, like in the morning. Came home yesterday to find one of my loads, still wet, piled on top of the dryer. Hmm......okay.........well at least it wasn't on the floor! There are still several piles of clothes in the hallway and my kids will gone to their dad's this weekend so I don't anticipate that disappearing until next week. But I'm holding out.............

Laundry

Today I'm going to make everyone start doing their own laundry. I've given everyone a day - Monday daytime it's my laundry, Monday evening, Hayley, Tuesday, Hannah, Wednesday, Harrison, Thursday daytime my turn to do towels and sheets, etc., Thursday evening, Arlie and Friday, Jeff with weekends open for catching up. We'll see how it goes. It will be a HUGE adjustment since everyone has been enjoying this "service" forever, but it will be good for them all to do their own laundry and learn to do it right.

Why am I doing this, you ask? (Ok, maybe you didn't but I'm going to tell you anyway). Let me list the reasons:
1. crusty, balled up socks
2. nasty underwear
3. inside-out clothes
4. all the clothes arriving in a HUGE pile, because no one ever thinks to empty their laundry bin a little at a time (this usually happens on a day we're getting ready for a party and cleaning the house)
5. clean clothes arriving in the laundry on a regular basis (yes, folded socks, folded underwear, tops and pants not worn in ages, but tried on, discarded on the floor, then hastily scooped up once a month or so when they decide to clean their rooms - usually under duress)
6. using the laundry room as their personal closet. Yes, they all look for clean clothes in there, snatch them off the hangers in their haste in the morning and ignore the chore list that says "put your clean laundry away"
7. having a general disrespect and disregard for the HUGE job that laundry is and not showing any appreciation for the hours and hours I spend doing it

So, now everyone (yes, everyone, even Jeff) will get to do their own laundry. I've posted a list of instructions on how to do your own laundry above the washer and dryer. They can all read, so they can figure it out. If their whites turn pink or their lights get dingy from washing with darks, it will be their own problem. And just WAIT till they have to fold and hang their own clothes! Oh my. Perhaps they will be a bit more conservative and wear their jeans more than once, or not toss a shirt tried on but not worn into the laundry hamper.

I know there will be hell. Someone will need something and want the washer RIGHT NOW and there will be fights and tears and someone will be pulling clothes out of the dirty hamper because they didn't follow through on their chore. And that will be the natural consequences that will lead to learning. Hopefully. But the way I see it, it's a life skill they can all use and it might as well start now.

Halloween Party 2009!!!

Harrison and Tonaiya.......they went swimming yesterday, had a sleepover, and spent the whole day together, then the Halloween party! Quite a big day for Tonaiya, who just a few short weeks ago was hospitalized with encephalitis, unable to walk, sit up, eat or speak! Now look at her! What a blessing!
Hannah and "Drewbie".........Drew is like our fifth kid. He's part of the family!

Frank and Marie........look at her muscles! Marie and I went to high school together. Then, she was a very shy, quiet Catholic girl. Now she has 14 tattoos and is a riot!

This is Steve channeling his inner joker. Steve's wife, Marie, is our hairdresser!

Anna and Abbie reluctantly posing for a photo (and no way are they giving up their lollipops!)

Hannah as a Pink Lady from "Grease"

Jeff and Arlie doing their Elvis impressions! Uuuhhh-huuhhhh!

Jeff as Derry from "The Oustiders" and Arlie as a car hop!

Me and Carla

Michael came as a "dead soccer player" - wow, did he do a good job on the fake blood or what? He won "scariest costume"..........

The prizewinners - Jason as John Dillinger complete with tommy gun, Isak as a Whoopie Cushion, DeVon as a Space Cowboy, Michael as a dead soccer player, and Clarissa as Marilyn Monroe..........great costumes!

Hayley posing innocently enough with a marble rolling pin, but as a deranged 50's housewife, who knows what she will do with it?

Tonaiya as a Death-Eater from Harry Potter! Fitting, I guess, because she did cheat death, not long ago!

Juniors!

Mad scientist with a magic potion! Amy didn't have to stretch too far for this one - she IS a mad scientist! Even has her own monogrammed lab coat!

Carmen unveils pumpkin face strawberries - yum! Witch one is best? :)

Shaggy and Daphne, and Scooby hanging out in Daphne's belt! Steve and Marie Nuss (Marie is our hairdresser)

Tyler, Steve and Marie's son, as the Joker

The kids at the party...........they were many, they were loud. They spilled punch. Good times.

The adults at the party. They came, they drank, they partied.

Laura, Clarissa and Hayley - best friends!

Tiffany, Chandler, Dannie and Hannah

Hannah, Drew, Hailey, Constance, with Julius in front

Jeff and I celebrating 50's style.........

Arlie and Abbie as matching car hops.....

DeVon the Space Cowboy

Abbie as a car hop

Harrison as a Ponyboy, from the Outsiders, AFTER he got in a rumble.

Isak as a Woopie Cushion! Pfflbbbtt..........

Jason as a gangster..........

Julius as an X-wing fighter pilot (I thought he said "extreme fighter pilot" and that sounded pretty cool to me!)

Hayley, Hannah, Michael - what a contrast from homecoming, eh?

Hayley channels her inner 50's housewife............brie anyone?

Arlie will take your order now. You want fries with that?

We had our annual Halloween Party tonight. About 50 people crowded our house, kids stampeded upstairs, punch was spilled, many bad-for-you foods were consumed, a contest was had, winners beribboned, and plenty of beer and wine consumed by guests. In all, a great party! We had some "new" party guests, people who had not yet been to one of our parties, and so that was nice to mix it up a little. The kids had a great time, but they outnumbered us as usual, prompting me to think maybe next year we should host two parties - a kids' party and an adult party. But it was a good time and a chance for everyone to dress up and enjoy it before heading out Halloween night to trick or treat with a coat covering up their costumes. It was a brisk 47 this morning! Now to obtain and carve some pumpkins, go trick or treating with the cousins on Halloween, and our holiday will be complete!

Dinner with the neighbors!

Abbie and Arlie

Doug Marcoux, DeVon Ogurkow, Amy Heinrich-Kehr, Jason Kehr, Carla Templin, Mike Templin, Betty Marcoux, Jeff Moore, Mary-Leah Moore

Carla and Mary-Leah

Hannah, Arlie and Jeff

Cupcakes!!!

Doug and Betty's adorable grandson, Dylan

Arlie serves up some cookies!

Mom gets a little dressed up......

Arlie trying out her Halloween costume - a 50's car hop!

Arlie gets friendly with a skull!

Harrison doing a trial run on his "dead ganster zombie" costume.....

Tonight we had dinner at the next-door neighbors' house, Doug and Betty Marcoux. They have been great neighbors of ours since......well, seems like forever. When they first moved in Harrison loved to go over and hang out with them. Over the years they've been there through everything we've had going on in the neighborhood (and believe me, there is drama......it's our own Wisteria Lane!). We don't get together as often as we'd all like but we finally found a date that suited everyone to meet for a potluck dinner. And their daughter in law, Erica, brought along Dylan, their adorable grandson, who is 14 months old. Such a cutie! The kids had fun playing charades, eating too many chips and hanging out. It was a fun get-together!

Hayley goes to homecoming!

Mommy and Hayley

The back of her pretty dress......

Front of dress!

See how pretty?

My beautiful grown-up girl!

Jumping for joy!

Woot-woot it's homecoming!

I'm a gansta, I'm a straight-up G, the gansta life is the life for me!

Such a pretty dress, thank you Katlyn and Aunt Laurie for sending it!

Check out the new kicks!

Gorgeous girls Hayley and her friend Hannah Norton

Pretty girls, ah to be 16 again!

Hayley, Micheal, Hannah N.

The trio!

Looking good!

Hayley went to her first homecoming dance tonight. She's still not home as I write this and it's kind of weird to have my kid staying out past MY bedtime for a change! Her dress fit her like a glove and we got it from cousin Katlyn, who also wore it to homecoming. Her jewelry was borrowed from me, and I did her hair. She went with good friends Hannah and Micheal. They had dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse (like Benihana's) and then stopped by our neighbors' house where the rest of us were enjoying a potluck dinner and early Halloween celebration. Then, they went off to the dance, followed by movies at Micheal's house. (Should I be worried that Micheal's college-aged brother is there and he said Hayley was "hot"?). I trust she'll have a great time. She had to work pretty hard this week getting everything set up, since ASB is in charge of putting the dance on at the school. So, she spent last night cheering on the football team at the game (they won, 55-0, what a stomp!) and then decorated until midnight! She was back at the school at 8:30 a.m. decorating some more. And tomorrow she goes back to tear it all down. She will need some R&R after that! I can't believe she's old enough to go to a dance, to drive, to have her own life and stay out later than I can stay up! Geesh, where did the time go? My beautiful girl............