Thanks for watching my dog, here's a pie!

For the past three days we have been "babysitting" my ex-husband's girlfriend's daughter's dog. I'll wait while you decipher that. Ok, ready? The dog is a Yorkie, which is just Latin for "adorable face that hides the fact that I yip uncontrollably in tones that could break glass, and I also occasionally shit on your floor and bite your (bigger) dog in the face." At first, it seemed like a good idea (like having one more beer or another child) that turned into a not-so-good idea pretty quickly.

I mean, first off, you don't greet the house dog by biting her in the face. Well, you DO if you're a Yorkie, I guess, but Georgette, the princess dog of OUR house, did not appreciate it one bit. But did she retaliate? She did not. She simply snubbed Riley the Yorkie the rest of the time he was here and deftly avoided his sharp little teeth by minding her own business (and relocating rooms). She did exact a TINY bit of revenge by eating Riley's food a few times. And throwing up on my bedroom floor. Twice.

Riley the Yorkie had an affinity for my son, who was the only family member he had been previously acquainted with. However, my son was not in the greatest mood this week and less than tolerant of the hyperactive, bouncy love that Riley bestowed upon him. Hence, Riley's imprisonment in the bathroom for a good part of his time in our house. My son did feed and water the dog, and provided him with plenty of excursions outside (to the grass, because apparently Riley does not know how to pee on rocks). But his dad's suggestions to "baby the hell out of him" and "sleep with him" did not pan out.

Riley was quiet a good deal of the time, but when he wasn't - boy, was he loud! Each tiny "yip" was about as enjoyable as getting stabbed in the ear with a safety pin. And he would not shut up! There was no quieting the dog until HE was done. A few sleeping members of the family did not appreciate this at all.

Several times during the week, my son remarked that he "better" be getting paid for all this dog-sitting. Especially when he had to run around the house to catch Riley to put him in the kennel, or when Riley would not get off his lap while was trying to play guitar. Today, the ex and the girlfriend returned to fetch the little yapper and paid Harrison in........pie.

Granted, it was a fresh huckleberry pie from Mt. Rainier, but..........a pie.

We don't even like pie! Pie is an abomination to mankind. Unless it's chocolate or banana cream or coconut cream. Or anything except a puddle of gloppy fruit marring a perfectly good pie crust. Mashed up fruit swimming in sugar and corn starch that makes it glimmer like lip gloss is disgusting. Fresh berries? No problem. Gloppy berries? Horrific!

My son also took care of his dad's cat and watered his plants while they were gone. After looking at his dollar dreams disintegrate into pie crumbs, he looked eagerly at his dad and said "Your cat is still alive! So are your plants!" and held out his hand. The girlfriend shook it and said "Thank you!" and his dad replied "The pie is from both of us!"

Three days of Yorkie yips and we get a pie?

In yer face!