Anxious morning.....

Poor Hannah. This morning she was so nervous, she decided to go to school and skip the choir field trip because she's worried there's something wrong with her heart. She's been having dizzy/fainting spells and her hands and feet have been turning blueish/grayish at times. We've been to three doctors (her regular doc, her arthritis doc, and her adolescent medicine doc) and they are all mystified. So, we're heading to the pediatric cardiologist to see if it's a heart issue. My guess is it's not, but better safe than sorry. However, with all the weird palpitations she's been getting, she's having more and more anxiety and was fearful today that she might faint during the choir field trip, or worse, on stage tonight during the concert. So, it appears she's not going to either. Which is both a disappointment and a worry that it will affect her grade. And who knows how long it will take to get into the cardio? I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later so she can put her fears to rest.

The good news is she did go to school. And Hayley has a test schedule at school which means she doesn't have to be there until 9:30. So, we're headed to Starbucks for a little mommy/daughter date before school and then I'll drop her off. After that I'm headed to Wal-Mart for a mini shopping spree (hopefully) for my San Francisco trip - new jeans, maybe a few tops, and a bag/purse big enough to carry my camera and all the other essentials I'll need while walking and exploring the city. We leave this weekend and I'm so excited! A little nervous about leaving the kids, but excited too.

Oh, and I have to rant about one thing. My ex-husband is a jerk! Not that anyone who reads this doesn't know that already, but last night he was too lazy to pick up Harrison for their Monday night "24" date (they watch the show together on Mondays, due to my total generosity in allowing him an extra day with the boy). So, he expected me to do it. I had about a million things to do, plus needed to help Arlie with a paper for school so I said no, he had to come get him (I mean, seriously? What ELSE is he doing?). So, he did, and was a total ass when he got here. I mentioned Hannah's concert tonight and he did his typical, toddler-like behavior of playing the "I can't hear you" game. Then, when I mentioned I needed his help (because Jeff has a Toastmaster's contest tonight and I'm only one person needing to take two kids to gymnastics, trampoline class, and the concert), he said "nope, I'm working" (this means he's sitting on his ass at a site of new homes, where absolutely no one to maybe a couple of people will stop by). He then said "it's YOUR night, you deal with it" so I said "does that mean you're not coming?" and he said "I don't know". So, I reminded him he's a parent ALL the time, not just on the days he has the kids. Oh, and then he turned around and said "You know what? You can pick Arlie up this Friday" (referring to the fact that every other week he picks up both Arlie and Harrison at choir practice after school, which he would have to do ANYWAY and he drives RIGHT BY the house on the way home). I said "what does Arlie have to do with this?" but he didn't answer because he knows he's an immature asshole. Then, he took Harrison with him and Harrison texted me and then called me and said he wasn't sure he wanted to stay there, because the thought "daddy might hurt me"! OMG! I said I would come and get him right away, but he kept being undecisive about leaving. I know the only reason he didn't leave is because he feared the wrath of his dad and the guilt if he left. Doug is really out of control and need to get his attitude in check. His immature behavior and petty attitude is just unbelievable for a "man" of his age. This is the shit I have to deal with..........ugh.........

Idiot!

Ok, I know my kids read this blog and I've really made it a point to try HARD not to disparage their dad (at least where they can hear/read/etc.) but tonight I was just so blown away by his behavior that I cannot let it go. Hayley filled out a job application at Dairy Queen (we were all there after Hannah's choir concert). I was proud of her - here's a kid who wants to take initiative and make some money. She's of age to work there, so why not? Her dad told her she should "get a job in a place with some class." Now, granted Dairy Queen is not the Ritz, but it's a J-O-B, something he should be looking for instead of dabbling in real estate and bitching about not having any money. No kidding - you don't get money unless you have a job that pays you an hourly rate. Oh, sure, real estate can have some big payouts, but please! In this market? HE should be applying to DQ! The fact that he would even put in Hayley's head that she is somehow "above" working at DQ is amazing to me. This coming from a man who is not fulfilling his child support obligations and is supposedly broke. I read recently that the average cost of raising a child through college today is $960 a month. Doug pays a fraction of that in child support - and that's for THREE kids. I'm sorry, but I feel that if you bring a child into this world, you are obligated to support them through adulthood. If I were on my own (and thank God I'm not and I hope my kids forever know how much Jeff does to make their lives so good), I would never be able to support my kids in this house, in this town. I would have to move, live in substandard housing, probably be on some sort of public assistance, and relying on family and friends to help me out in emergencies. Thank God I am not in that situation, but I cannot believe he can look in the mirror every morning and think he's actually doing right by his children. I say more power to Hayley for having the responsibility to want to make her own money, no matter where she works. We've all worked "substandard" jobs - it's how we get our start in life - we gotta start somewhere! Jeff's first job was at Jack in the Box. And he's making a decent salary now, and providing for a family of six. Nothing wrong with starting out in fast food! Telling a kid she's too good for a job will only set her up for ridiculous expectations and eventually, failure. Instilling a good work ethic and pride in a job well done, whether it's working at DQ or shoveling horse manure in a barn will take a person far further in life. Perhaps their dad should have spent some time shoveling shit, then he'd be eating some humble pie right now.