Lip scrubbin'

The other day I tried a lip scrub. For those of you who don't know what this is - it's basically another product designed to let women know that they need help with ALL parts of their bodies, even their kisser. This product is a mixture of goo (coconut oil, Vaseline, and the like) and some type of grainy substance designed to "slough off" the top layer of your lips to reveal the plump, luscious layers below.

Now, I don't know about you but my lips feel just fine, thank you. I mean, sure, I've experienced the occasional rough, chapped lip a time or two but a swipe of Carmex or cherry Chapstick or Bonne Bell Bubble Gum Lip Smackers slicked the rough layers right back to......well, normal lip skin. At least until I licked off the flavor off and reapplied. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

But not long ago I caved to the relentless pleasure of receiving mail and purchased a Target Beauty Box. It's like a Birchbox but with products real people use and only $5. I was pretty excited about all those sample sizes because I had a few trips planned and those travel-ready sizes come in so handy. Except on the first trip I took after I received my Beauty Box, I forgot to pack any of my new treasures. Anyway......one of the products included was a lip scrub.

The lip scrub sat on my counter for a few days and I gave it no thought. Until my daughter came downstairs one night and mixed up her own lip scrub with sugar and coconut oil. She said it worked better than any other lip scrub (who knew she'd tried more than one?) and "you can lick it off after!"

So, I figured I'd give my lip scrub a try. I mean, my aging face needs all the help it can get so why not have kiss-worthy lips? I took a small amount and applied it to my lips. Except it was chunky so it fell off. I tried again, this time smashing the concoction into my pout and proceeding to smear it around awkwardly. I wasn't sure how long this gritty massage was supposed to last but I worked it in nice and good and then wondered exactly how I was supposed to remove it? I certainly wasn't going to lick this chemical salve off - was it even edible?

I grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe it off which only left bits of tissue on my now-sticky lips, caught in the tiny grains of whatever they used for the "scrub" part (ground up nuts? rock salt? pulverized gravel?) Now, I had sticky, gritty, fuzzy lips.

I tried water - sloshing it up against my lips and rubbing to remove the grit. Most of it was successfully removed but a glistening, greasy sheen remained and my lips felt like I had just kissed duct tape. In desperation I grabbed a towel and vigorously rubbed my lips to remove all traces of the oil slick.

And when it was all over, my lips were red, rough and throbbed slightly. Sure, my pout was puffed but only because I had assaulted it. I resigned then and there not to try a lip scrub ever again. Besides, with my rapid-fire and non-stop talking, I'm certain my lips generate enough friction to slough off any dead skin while simultaneously delivering insults and sarcasm.

Lip scrub, indeed. Who needs it?

How sweet it is!

I've been craving chocolate chip cookies with walnuts for days and tonight I finally had time to make some. Arlie didn't want walnuts in hers so I made a double batch, nuts and nut-free. I LOVE chocolate chip cookies (really, is there anyone who doesn't?) and don't make them often, but to me, they are the perfect dessert. Any combination of flour, butter and sugar is pretty much highest on my list of foods I love. Which is terrible, I know, because it's bad for you, makes you fat, blah, blah. If you asked me, do I have a sweet tooth, I'd have to answer  "sort of" because I'm not so addicted to sugar that I'll eat ANYTHING sweet. In fact, I'm pretty picky about my sweets. Here is a list of sweet things I hate: licorice, most hard candies, anything "gummy", straight sugar candy like pixie stix, anything "watermelon" flavored (Jolly Ranchers being tops on that list - eww!), any type of fruity dessert or pie, tiramisu, flan, or any other pretentious dessert that looks pretty but tastes like crap, and anything made of marzipan or fondant - pretty but totally disgusting to eat! Here's what I DO like - certain cookies, brownies, pastries, donuts, and some ice cream. SOME candy, like Reese's and Hershey bars are good, but I could take it or leave it. And here's a really weird (and kind of sad) fact: I cannot stop eating Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls! They are my absolute favorite junky sweet treat of all!

What's really disappointing is a sweet treat that LOOKS pretty but is actually quite crappy. Like pretty cakes with fondant decorations. They are amazing but mostly taste icky. Or those new Starbucks "mini" treats - cute but don't taste like much. There's just nothing more disappointing than biting into a beautiful sweet treat and having it taste gross. That's why homemade is really the best. I always envision making some type of cookies or bars or brownies every weekend and placing these lovingly baked treats in my kids' lunches every day. But  it never happens. Too busy, too tired, too whatever. Sometimes I "cheat" and make those cake mix cookies but they just don't quite cut it. And really, having homemade treats around the house all the time is total sabotage to my diet. (HAHA! That was a joke! Get it? My "diet"?)

Honestly if I have an addiction it's to really good sweet treats. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to "sugar" because I won't eat just any sugary treat. But a homemade chocolate chip cookie will make me happy anytime. And now I have several dozen on my counter, cooling off. Dangerous territory, I tell you........