Fare thee well, Chomper!

Ok, so here's a recap on my surgery. And that being on drugs thing? Well, I've taken a few Vicodin today but I swear they are doing nothing for me except making me feel spacey. NOT working on the pain, I tell you. So, I've resorted to swiping a few of Jeff's 800 mg. ibuprofen and those seem to be taking the edge off. But I still feel "weird" and I really hate that feeling.

I went in at 6:45 a.m. to get everything started. Filled out some paperwork, waited, was escorted to an "interview room", waited, several people came in to take vitals, talk to me, etc. I was told to undress completely and put on a gown and a robe. So, I got to sit naked, wrapped in thin material for over an hour while I waited for the doctor. He breezed in, said "so what are we doing today?" (you don't know?) and I waited some more. Finally I walked to OR #1 where I was greeted by no less than 8 people! I felt kind of weird, like "here I am for the party!". A nurse took off my robe, at which point I'm sure part of my butt was showing, but I said "I guess in a few minutes this won't matter anyway" because I knew my most glorious parts were about to be exposed for the world to see (and it didn't help that Jeff mentioned "what if they have cell phones and they snap pictures?"). The anesthesiologist positioned my arm on the little "arm bed" (for lack of a better word!) and produced a syringe the size of a baby bottle! He said "you're gonna love this stuff" and pushed the plunger. I felt a burning sensation in my throat and face and then I was out! I woke up with an oxygen mask on my face (a bit claustrophobic) and tried to pull myself out of drugged oblivion. Before I was quite ready for that, two nurses had me up and at 'em, getting dressed and out to a recliner where I sat with Jeff while the pharmacy delivered my pain meds and a nurse discharged us. I had made previous arrangements with my dr. to actually see "Chomper" and all it's weirdness, but alas, someone had sent him on to the lab, so all I got were some lame photos (and of course, the cyst was intact in the photos, so I will never know if it had teeth, hair, muscle fibers, or thyroid tissue!). I wasn't really in a position to worry much about it, I could barely stand up long enough to walk to the car. I rested, dozed and finally got up for dinner (which was delivered by my wonderful neighbor Carla, along with gifts for everyone - she's SO generous!). I felt pretty chipper! I even cleaned up after dinner! And checked my email! And watched the kids work on their dance! Yay! This wasn't so bad.

Cut to 2:30 a.m. I woke up, sure I had just been run over by a semi truck. My body hurt from head to toe. And I had to pee. I shuffled out of bed, taking my Vicodin with me, my glass of Gatorade and a package of graham crackers to the bathroom. I took a Vicodin, a swig of Gatorade and ate half a graham cracker before going to the bathroom. I could barely move, so that was a challenge. I finally shuffled back to bed and inched my way back down to a flat position. Where did all this pain come from? Yikes. I dozed and woke up again around 8 and decided to shower. Wow, that was a feat. Plus, I had to replace a few bandaids when I got out (just love ripping those suckers off my skin!). Carla brought Jeff and I coffee and pastries and we visited until around 10. I went back to bed, and lay there until 4:45, unable to go to sleep, but not feeling well enough to do anything but lay there with my eyes closed. I finally got up to check my email and blog. Another dinner is on it's way from my other neighbor Amy, so that's nice. But I still hurt like hell and I'm really hoping tomorrow is better.

At any rate, I survived and now my insides just have to catch up. Will write more later when I'm feeling more chipper. Thanks for everyone who sent texts and phone calls and good wishes my way! Much appreciated!

Doing nothing special.........

Tonight was really nice. The kids were all back after the weekend away and it was just a nice, relaxed time. Hannah was craving "peanut butter noodles" for dinner. I looked up a recipe and Jeff made it (along with the exotic side of chicken nuggets). When deciding what veggie to serve, Jeff suggested we serve canned peas, just to see what reaction we'd get. Well, I personally HATE canned peas, but figured I could gag down a few spoonfuls. So, I heated up two cans, with a little butter and garlic salt. Man, were those a hit! Who knew? Harrison and Arlie had three servings. I'm pretty sure Hannah scraped a few into her mouth, but was was even more impressive is she didn't complain about them. Hayley was at a meeting at school, so she didn't eat with us. But it was still amusing to see them devour canned peas when I normally skip right over those cans because I don't like them (they weren't that bad). I'm trying to save on the grocery bill by "eating from the pantry" this month. Instead of doing a big grocery trip every week, I'm going to make dinners with what we have (I'll still have to buy fruit and stuff, and we get our milk delivered). I read about a family who did this and saved a ton of money. So, I figured what the heck? We have so much food stored. My mom calls it our "Mormon pantry"! (We are not Mormon, for those of you who wondered). Oh, and I made snickerdoodles (another Hannah craving) for dessert and we devoured them. Yum!

Anyway, later we actually sat and watched TV - all of us! We almost never do that and it was nice to just snuggle up on the couch and kick back. Those are the kinds of things I wish we had more time for - just doing nothing.

Oh, and the kids did their chores without complaining today. I am trying to find the right balance between chores and being a drill sargeant. (I think I spelled that wrong and it's driving me crazy). Anyway, this week, I whittled down the chore list. I may have mentioned my meltdown at the kids' bathroom last week. I refrained from posting a photo of the enormous amount of clothing and towels that came from that tiny room. We are talking MOUNTAINS! I had them sort it into the hallway and they are all responsible for doing certain loads of it until it's all done. So, tonight a couple of loads got washed. And in order to do that, they had to fold a couple of loads. Well, their technique for that is to dump everything on my bed and fold away while watching TV. Later, Jeff came downstairs holding a bra and saying "who's trying to sabotage my marriage? I found this under my pillow!" I thought someone planted it there, but no, it was an honest mistake. Still pretty funny.

I'm having surgery on Wednesday. I'll be short one ovary after, but I'm not really using them anymore so it's ok. I have a cyst on my left ovary that is called a dermoid. These are present at birth and derive from a single cell that can turn into basically anything in the human body. As a result, they are totally freaky. While they can show up in many parts of the body (including the face, brain, spinal cord, etc.) they often occur on the ovaries. And since they contain embryonic cells they often have hair, muscle fibers and well-formed teeth. Yes, teeth. I once saw one of these freaks of nature at an exhibit on the human body. It had about four fully-formed human teeth and long hair coming out of it. Kind of like a semi-human within a human. Yes, I know - sounds like some sort of alien abduction thing, right? But it's for real. Jeff calls mine "Chomper" and when he saw a real one at that exhibit, his response was "Holy Hell, get that thing out of you!". And even weirder is that most people have them someplace in the body, but they normally do not grow or cause any problems so most people never know about them. Mine was discovered by accident. And it's been "monitored" for two years, but I'm ready to have it out now. And since it's wrapped around my ovary, I decided to have them just take the whole damn thing out. It's an easier surgery and I'm all for easier when I'm under general anesthesia. Anyway, I told them to take pictures and keep it so I can see it before they send it off to pathology. If I have a freakish half-human residing inside me, I at least want to see it before it goes. Don't worry, I'll refrain from posting photos here. Anyway, that's your medical mystery for the day. Hope you enjoyed it.