The Weight of the World

I've been humming along quite fine lately, although our lives are in utter turmoil with Jeff unemployed and us not knowing where/how/when it will all turn out! However, for some reason, today I really felt the weight of everything coming down hard. The idea that we might have to move, combined with the sheer terror of having to get this house "sell ready" was a bit more than I could bear. I mean, I'm all up for adventure, I've moved a couple dozen times, so it's not the actual moving that kills me. But when you add it all up.........I've lived in Seattle for 24 years, longer than anywhere else. I've lived in this particular house almost 9 years. That's a record for me! And I really like my house. I love the location, the layout, the park behind my house and my wonderful neighbors. Nothing I'd want to leave anytime soon. But after I stopped obsessing over selling our house in this crappy ass economy, I started to think about the huge What If? What if Jeff doesn't find a job before his severance runs out? What if we have to accept a job with a smaller salary when we were barely making ends meet on his previous salary? What if we lose our house? Aauugghh!!! It's all too much. Thus the cookies. For no reason at all, after I spent two hours at the school tonight running Variety Show auditions, Hannah and I went to Safeway and bought cookies. Not that we needed any cookies. We have some perfectly good Girl Scout cookies in the pantry. But we bought two kinds of bakery cookies anyway and I had three of them with a glass of milk while checking my email tonight. Like I needed that. Total stress eating. I even started my day with a workout, hoping it would give me more energy for my long day today (it did!). And then I end it by eating cookies. This is how I sabotage myself. And how I deal with stress. I just really hope Jeff gets a job soon. The alternative is too scary to think about. Denial, denial!