Interview for Life

Jeff is going through a special sort of hell during this job search. It's called scrutinizing every aspect of your life and tearing it apart bit by bit. Interviewing, you have to present your very best self - no room for self-doubt. You have to convey "I'm your man" without sounding arrogant or cocky. You get asked difficult questions such as "why did you leave your last job?" and "why didn't you list your former supervisor as a reference?" Never an easy thing to talk about. Even if you were laid off, there is always that air of "well, WHY?" That sense of were you good enough? The perpetual why that will never be answered. As to who you list a a reference - well, that is also fraught with peril. You might list someone you think will sing your praises only to find out they didn't sing very loud. And if you don't list your boss? Well, who doesn't think THAT is weird? It's very much like getting a divorce - two sides to the story, and no one will ever know the intricacies of your intimate relationship. So, people go with what they have - first impressions, "I heard this", and such. It's enough to make a person doubt everything about themselves. It's the ultimate sell job. And the dichotomy of it all - one the one hand you are a walking advertisement - "unemployed" "desperate for an income" "I'll do anything". On the other hand, you can't sell out. The skills and experience you've worked so hard for and are so valuable suddenly get cheapened if you accept a "lesser" position. No matter how you spin it, it's a quandry. Being too good or not good enough. Selling yourself or selling out. No wonder he said he feels like he wants to sleep for three weeks!

On a lighter note, he's racking the latest homebrew right now - Lusty Leprechaun - for St. Patrick's day! My book club will sample it tomorrow night and then we'll serve the rest at the party we're having to celebrate the wearin' o' the green. Cheers!

The Weight of the World

I've been humming along quite fine lately, although our lives are in utter turmoil with Jeff unemployed and us not knowing where/how/when it will all turn out! However, for some reason, today I really felt the weight of everything coming down hard. The idea that we might have to move, combined with the sheer terror of having to get this house "sell ready" was a bit more than I could bear. I mean, I'm all up for adventure, I've moved a couple dozen times, so it's not the actual moving that kills me. But when you add it all up.........I've lived in Seattle for 24 years, longer than anywhere else. I've lived in this particular house almost 9 years. That's a record for me! And I really like my house. I love the location, the layout, the park behind my house and my wonderful neighbors. Nothing I'd want to leave anytime soon. But after I stopped obsessing over selling our house in this crappy ass economy, I started to think about the huge What If? What if Jeff doesn't find a job before his severance runs out? What if we have to accept a job with a smaller salary when we were barely making ends meet on his previous salary? What if we lose our house? Aauugghh!!! It's all too much. Thus the cookies. For no reason at all, after I spent two hours at the school tonight running Variety Show auditions, Hannah and I went to Safeway and bought cookies. Not that we needed any cookies. We have some perfectly good Girl Scout cookies in the pantry. But we bought two kinds of bakery cookies anyway and I had three of them with a glass of milk while checking my email tonight. Like I needed that. Total stress eating. I even started my day with a workout, hoping it would give me more energy for my long day today (it did!). And then I end it by eating cookies. This is how I sabotage myself. And how I deal with stress. I just really hope Jeff gets a job soon. The alternative is too scary to think about. Denial, denial!

Job Search

Jeff commented to me yesterday that he feels his job search has gone from "casual" to "Oh, my f**king God!" Guess that about sums it up! :)

An Unwelcome Club

Yesterday we joined an unwelcome club - unemployed families! Jeff lost his job after weeks of suspect activity on the part of managers and after months of working in a position that was essentially a demotion from his former managerial position. He's been looking for a new position for a long time and was hoping to have his salary leverage to negotiate with new, potential employers. But no such luck. He had a meeting with his boss and her boss (both of whom are underqualified in both career skills and personality) and was told his position was being eliminated. To rub salt in the wound, he was handed several boxes and told to have his belongings out by 11 a.m. Ten other employees faced the same fate yesterday.

Obviously, this economic downturn has affected many so we're among millions of other families who are facing the same challenges. Which also means Jeff is among millions of other people looking for work, thus the competition is daunting. His skills are many and he will be an amazing addition to any company lucky enough to have him, but it's going to be a long road. One that, hopefully, lasts less than six months because that's how long we have in severance and insurance. After that, we really don't have a plan.

They say the average family should have four to six months of emergency reserve money set aside for just such an event. But there is just no way we could ever have amassed that amount of money. For one thing, our mortgage is more than one of Jeff's paychecks each month. We'd sell the house, but the market sucks. We are totally willing to relocate and realize the distinct possibility of that happening soon. Change is good. But to be unprepared in the face of such a huge life change is scary. Thankfully, I have a part-time job, but it will pay for groceries at best.

So, off we go on a rocky adventure. Jeff has never been laid off or fired in his entire life so this is all new to him. He's an extremely hard worker and keeps very busy so having entire days to himself will be a new experience. We will make the best of what we have to work with and hope and pray that he finds a position that is interesting and challenging (and heck, let's face it, as long as it's a paycheck!) soon. Both Jeff and I have t-shirts from the "Life is Good" line. Recently, he said "I wish I had a shirt that says 'Life is O.K.'" But we have a lot of blessings and so we'll focus on those for the time being. And keep an eye on the want ads!