Sick as a...........

So, it turns out I was sick. Sick as a....dog? I dunno - my dogs barf all the time so I don't really know what a sick dog does. All I know is I was as sick as I've EVER been. I missed all but Friday of work. Way to start a new job by taking four sick days your first four days. Stellar.

I went to the doctor. She said it could be this or that or.....basically she didn't know. So, she gave me anti-nausea drugs. Only I wasn't really nauseated, and the drugs said "may cause headache" and I already had a screaming headache so I didn't take them. I fished around the house and found some Vicodin from when Hayley had her appendectomy two years ago. That only took the edge off the headache but it never quite went away. It was more of a searing, stabbing pain that took my breath away, followed by intense pressure in my head. The fever of 101 didn't help, and neither did throwing up on Monday night but thank God that was only once. And my stomach was empty. I have a serious aversion to vomiting. SERIOUS. I'd sell my soul to the Devil not to vomit. EVER. To me, it's the most out-of-control, overwhelming, aliens-are-taking-over-my-body feeling in the world. Right up there with labor and delivery of a baby, which is another time your body has a mind of its own. Well, you know what I mean. Obviously I did not suffer from morning sickness when I was pregnant, or I'd have only had one child. That's how much I hate to throw up.

Yep, it was just me and frequent, frequent trips to the bathroom. Like every ten minutes. All day and night. This is where buying quality toilet paper really pays off. Only I had inferior quality toilet paper. You know that commercial where the women talk about "getting real" about what goes on in the bathroom? Well, that shit got real. For real. And I sure wished I'd bought quilted Northern. Just sayin'.

And then there were the cramps that said "remember labor? wasn't that fun? let's do it again!" Holy moly! I thought I was going to be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" where I went to the bathroom and delivered an 8 lb human. It didn't help that I watched a marathon of that show while I was in misery. Just watching woman fake labor when your own body is wracked with pains is stupid. I figured that out after about two hours and finally turned it off.

And of course I tuned into the internet to self-diagnose after several days of not eating, drinking gallons of Gatorade, aching all over, running a fever, and having absolutely no energy. And what I found was interesting. Here's what I diagnosed myself with: campylobacteriosis. Big word, but it's basically a bacteria you can get infected with when handling raw poultry. Well, I wrestled a 20 lb turkey on Thanksgiving, and even though I'm always super paranoid about food-borne illness and very careful to not cross-contaminate things when cooking, it's possible that the tiniest drop of raw turkey juice contaminated me or something I touched, and caused this infection. And the symptoms were all there, all in the right time frame, AND no one else in my family got sick. If I had a stomach bug, surely at least one other person would have become ill in a week. But it was just me. And, once I got antibiotics on board, I started feeling better. If it was a virus, I'd still be sick.

So.......we'll see if I'm right. I won't have the test results for a few days, but I'm putting my money on the turkey poisoning. And if I'm right, we may never have turkey for Thanksgiving again. Or at least I'm not making it!

The antibiotics I got yesterday seemed to have turned things right around. It did take until this morning to feel human again, and just getting ready for work exhausted me. Working was both energizing and exhausting and I made it through the day without even a nap but I skipped a party tonight because I'm still dragging. I know it will take a few days to get my energy back, especially since I've had VERY little food during this whole ordeal. A few graham crackers, a little applesauce. I lost ten pounds. The only bonus about this illness for sure.

And today I actually felt HUNGRY again. But it came and went. It's always hard to start eating again when you haven't for days and nothing sounds good. Tonight the kids asked to order pizza and we did and that was good! I only had one piece, but it hit the spot. And my tummy started growling again around 9:30 p.m. and wouldn't you know it, I was hungry again? Only this time homemade chocolate chip cookies sounded divine. It took a lot of eyelash batting and pouting and playing the sick card but I got my husband to make them! Now I just can't wait for them to come out of the oven! Nothing cures what ails you like homemade love in the form of a warm cookie. And nothing makes you appreciate your health like feeling good again after being so sick. What a week!