How Much?

Ah, the big debate. How much is childcare worth to you? Parents who choose to or have to work find themselves in the position of having to pay for childcare. And being budget-minded (who isn't?), they often want to get the best deal possible. But what is the "deal"? How cheap are you willing to go to pay for childcare and expect quality? People demand the most from their caregivers. They want a person who will focus on their children, play educational games with them, foster their health and development, keep them clean and well-fed, and nurture them with all the patience and wisdom of Mary Poppins (who, by the way, is a fictional character, keep that in mind!). But, parents, I ask you - do YOU fit the bill? Do YOU do all of those things with your children when you are their primary caregiver? I know I didn't. When my kids were little, I was a busy mom - always initiating activities and projects with my kids, taking them on "field trips", purchasing educational games, limiting TV and junk food, holding them, nurturing them, doing everything all of the "experts" and books told me to. But I'm not too proud to admit I occasionally propped my firstborn up in a walker and plopped her in front of a window so I could get the dishes done, or put my toddler in front of an episode or two of "Blue's Clues" in order to fold some laundry. Believe me, if my kids were otherwise occupied with a game or activity, initiated on their own, and no one was getting hurt or maimed by it, I was all for those precious few minutes of peace and quiet. Sure, I could have played some more board games, or taken them to the zoo more. I could have built a rocket with them or taught them Spanish. But I didn't. I needed some balance. Still, I think I did a pretty good job of just being a mommy and my kids are healthy and well-adjusted and will (hopefully) be productive members of society one day, so I'm satisfied with a job well done. And I didn't make a penny.

BUT! I have worked in childcare for many years and I've earned many pennies along the way taking care of other people's children. And I treated it like a professional job. To me, being a childcare provider was NOT the same as being a mommy. I wasn't just "taking over" a mommy's job, I was providing a service. Sure, many parts of that job involved using my basic instincts as a mommy, and the loving and nurturing was natural and not contrived. However, while I might plop my own toddler in front of a TV show to do laundry, my job as a childcare provider was not to do laundry, therefore, interaction with the child was my main priority. Childcare providers' jobs mainly involve interaction and undivided attention given to a child - probably more than their own mommy can give, and the overall reason is that a childcare provider is being PAID. It's a JOB. As such, certain criteria are set forth and it's the childcare provider's job to follow them. As with any professional, you get what you pay for, and childcare is one area that I find shockingly underpaid. These are your CHILDREN! Your most precious possession is at stake here and yet people are willing to pay peanuts to the very person who spends the majority of their day with their child (same applies here to teachers, who are also grossly underpaid, and yet, we entrust our child's entire EDUCATION to them, but that's another blog post!). So, what's it worth to you? Ten dollars and hour? Twenty? Fifty?

But come on, you say, I only make SO much money. I can't AFFORD to pay that much for childcare. Well, I'm here to tell you, you can't afford NOT to. Having worked in the childcare field for over twenty-five years, I have seen the best and worst of childcare providers. When I was a teenager, and working in a very upscale and brand-new childcare center, I saw my fellow teen workers shunning the "icky" kids. The ones with runny noses, or mismatched clothing, or special needs. Only the prettiest, cutest and most adorable children earned the coveted place on the teen caregiver's lap and their undivided attention. Ok, you say, but that's a teenager for you. Really? I saw this same thing taking place with adult caregivers when I worked for the YMCA. Parents cannot really know what goes on behind the closed doors of the childcare center, and often they would find it appalling at worst, and hurtful at best. There are some WONDERFUL caregivers out there, but when you pay a caregiver less than $10 an hour, you can't expect the quality of a true professional, regardless of how upscale and wonderful your childcare center is.

Thinking of hiring a private nanny to care for your precious angels? Think of it this way. If you were in charge of hiring a highly qualified individual at your place of business, would you offer a competitive salary package with benefits? Of course you would. But many parents think nothing of hiring a nanny and paying them less than poverty-level wages, with no benefits. Accountability comes with responsibility and a respect for your career. Integrity comes from within, and wanting to do a good job because it's the RIGHT thing to do, is becoming a thing of the past. Let's face it, we all need jobs. We all need money. We need to make a living. Few of us are so attached to our jobs that we'd do it for nothing. Childcare is a job. It's a profession. And as such, expect to pay competitive wages for the BEST of the best. As parents, we often ask MORE of a childcare provider than we even expect of ourselves. And we want it for what accounts to pocket change. If you pay $100 for a crummy TV that has a bad picture and goes out in a month, you might adopt the attitude of "you get what you pay for". But if you pay $1000 for a TV and expect good quality, and don't get it, you expect some recourse. You expect the company to have some accountability. Same with your caregiver.

Sure, you say, but my caregiver comes to my home and hangs out with my baby all day. It's not that HARD. And she gets a BREAK when the baby is sleeping. Really? When you are at work, and there's nothing to do, does your pay get docked because the company did not provide you with enough work to fill your day? If you sit at a desk all day, and have access to your computer so you can sneak in a little online shopping or even Facebook while you "work", is your work really HARD? When I care for your children, you are not only paying me to provide top-notch childcare. You are paying me for my TIME. I have a family, too. I am  taking time away from my family, the same way you do each day when you drive to your desk job, to provide a service to your family, the same way you provide service to your company. But, you say, I attend trainings, I'm a PROFESSIONAL. As your childcare provider, I am happy to attend trainings. I am happy to obtain certifications. I am happy to further my degree if it provides you with the peace of mind that you have hired the most top-notch professional for the job. Oh, and by the way, I will also expect you to pay for it, the same way your company pays for YOUR certifications and continuing education.

So, what is it worth to you? Do you want a warm body who can call 911 in an emergency to care for your children nine hours a day? Or do you want an experienced professional, an experienced mother, a person who takes the job of child-rearing seriously enough to care about doing the very best job possible? It all comes down to this - you get what you pay for. What is it worth?

Hiatus

I have no idea why but I believe I just took the longest break ever from writing on my blog! What gives? Nothin' much, just plain ol' laziness or lack of inspiration or, probably, just too damn tired after reading my Facebook posts to write anything.

But here I am. The past couple of weeks have been chaos as usual. Here is a brief rundown: Jan. 12 the highlight of my day was meeting the neighborhood girls for drinks at The Rock. Jan. 13 I got the happy news that I had lowered my cholesteral! Jan. 14 I enjoyed an evening at home while everyone else was otherwise occupied (heaven!). Jan. 15 I worked backstage for "SeussOdyssey", Hayley's latest play, then watched the final show that evening. After the show, we hosted the cast party with 40-ish kids. Jeff made pizza till 3 a.m., we stayed up till 5 a.m. and I slept till noon the next day. Jan. 16 I (sort of) watched the Seahawks game. I think they lost miserably. Or something. Jan. 17 the kids were off school. I took them to get donuts and when we left the gusty wind took the box of donuts out of my arms and blew them upside down all over the sidewalk. Jan. 18 I actually worked out (yay me) and met Peggy for coffee at Country Village. Jan. 19 I worked as a recess lady, and took the kids to the doctor and orthodontist. Jan. 20 I worked at a jr. high and went to a mandatory parent meeting for the musical, which both Hayley and Hannah are in, and came home with my head swimming from the time and money required to pull it off. Jan. 21 I got up at an ungodly hour to drive Jeff to the airport for a weekend conference in Ft. Worth, then went to work at a jr. high for the day, after which I hosted book club - supermom day! Jan. 22 I enjoyed coffee with my great neighbor, Betty, who's wise words resonated with me, then took the girls shopping. Jan. 23 I cracked the whip on homework and chores then went to the airport to pick up Jeff. Jan. 24 I actually made it to yoga for the first time in two weeks. Jan. 25 I remembered to call my mom for her birthday and interviewed for a potential nanny job. Jan. 26 I worked out and went shopping. Jan. 27 I did yoga, had coffee,a massage, and went shopping - and marveled in the sheer miracle of having a day like that. Jan. 28 I went to a dr. appt., worked out, and spent the evening learning to Skype and listening to Arlie and her friend Bradee giggling in the other room. Sleepovers!

So, there you have it. Busy all the time.

And there was some excitement thrown in for good measure. I was at the mall on Wednesday and I got a call from Hannah. "Mom, we have a situation." Never a good way to start a conversation. "Harrison cut his finger pretty bad." So, I tell her to put some pressure on it for five minutes and call me back. Meantime, I frantically call their dad and Jeff to see if one of them can assess the situation. But no dice. So, I call Betty, my wonderful neighbor, who also happened to do search and rescue and EMT work in her past. She put a butterfly bandage on it and said it probably needed stitches. Another call from Hannah to tell me this and I put in a call to the dr. office. They are closing in 15 minutes but say I can go to their other clinic as long as we get there before 6:45. So, I finally get home, put Harrison in the car and Arlie suddenly decides she also needs to go. So, I wait while Harrison sits in the back with his finger in the air to stem the tide of bleeding. Arlie takes her sweet time and comes out with a BACKPACK filled with activities. WTF? We race off, hitting traffic and realize we're out of gas. Stop at the gas station to fill up. "Hang on, bud, we're almost there." I reassure Harrison while filling the tank. We finally get to the general area of the clinic and I get all turned around and end up driving up and down the roads around the clinic before finally finding it. We race into the office at 6:39 just in time to get checked in. The doctor, who's name I cannot remember, was funny and witty and took one look at his finger and said "oh yeah, that's gonna need stitches!" The best part was she let me help! I mean, I didn't get to actually stitch or anything but I assisted her which was cool. Harrison was a trouper through it all, and fascinated by the whole process. The blood was impressive! Who knew a finger could bleed so much? We finally got out of the doctor's office, hit the McDonald's drive thru, and headed home. THAT was a looonnngg day......

And now I'm tapped out of things to say and I'm afraid this blog post wasn't very witty or funny. Unless you think my life is funny in which case you might find this hysterical. It's never a dull moment around here. NEVER.

Colossal dinner fail.......

The first thing I had to do was look up the word "colossal". I spelled it wrong and I hate spelling things wrong. Anyway. This post is about a "colossal" (meaning: big, giant, of enormous proportions) mess I made out of dinner tonight. Let me back up a bit. I was home ALL DAY today, after working all day the past several so I was planning to get amazing things done. I would read! And do all the laundry! And clean the whole house! And make an amazing dinner for my family! They would arrive home to a sparkling home, with scented candles burning and a perfectly roasted hunk of meat waiting to be carved. Except I didn't have a hunk of meat. And none of that stuff happened. Well, I did read. So......along comes dinner time (and that bastard sneaks up on you, I'm telling you!) and I knew I had to make something. I had already done some early dinner prep in the morning so I'd be all ready when dinner time came. Ok, I put out a bag of potatoes and a chunk of hamburger to thaw on the counter. But still! I was going to make something delicious using those two ingredients and a few more things.

Dinner time came and I quickly typed into Google "what can I make with red potatoes and ground beef?" which brought up a surprising number of results, but my patience level only allows me to read the first four or so, so I decided to make a soup. I read the recipe, jotted down a few things, but of course I did not plan to follow it exactly. Do not blame me for this. My mom never followed a recipe exactly and her mother before her, so it's just the way we do things. Besides, I'm usually out of several of the main ingredients and have to improvise anyway.

So, I started making this soup. I filled a large pan with water and then decided it wasn't big enough to hold my delicious soup. So, I got out a bigger pan and put in more water. I added diced red potatoes, an onion, several spices, chicken bouillion. I browned the ground beef. I cooked and simmered and added the beef to the watery soup. Hm. Not thick enough. I know! I'll just use the potato masher and squish up some of the potatoes to make it thicker! Brilliant. Except it was still watery. No worries. I'll make a roux. (I can spell that AND I know what it means, how jealous are you?). I made a lovely bit of roux and added it to the pot hoping to thicken it. Eh. Not so much. So, I started over and made more roux. Only this time I added a hunk of grated cheese and it was a delectable cheese sauce, I must say. Add to pan. Stir. Still watery! I get out the hand mixer and decide to mix those damn potatoes up and make this a THICK soup, damn it! I whir and swirl and...........still watery. Desperate, I search for something else to thicken it. An image of laundry starch crosses my mind briefly but I dismiss it. I find a head of cauliflower in the fridge. Chop, chop, in it goes! Bring back to boil, cook until cauliflower is soft enough to blend. Blend again. STILL WATERY! And now it's taken on a dishwater grey color that is completely unappetizing. I take a tiny taste. Not bad but the watery texture broken up by bits of ground beef just isn't cutting it for me. I declare dinner a disaster and frantically look around for something else to make.

I glance at the Uncle Peteza's magnet on the fridge and entertain a fleeting thought of hot, fresh pizza delivered to my door. But then I remember I'm broke, so I pull out some bread slices and decide to make grilled peanut butter and nutella sandwiches with walnuts. Why? I have no idea. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Except it's really hard to butter one side of a piece of bread and spread peanut butter or nutella on the other side. My hands were greasy and sticky and I dropped a huge hunk of Smart Balance into the open flame of the gas stove (surprisingly that stuff is not very flammable. Lucky for me.). I am now shaking from hunger so I heap the sandwiches on a plate, slice up two apples and call it dinner. In the meantime, Arlie comes in and says "so are you going to my dance class with me?" I push my hair off my face, glance down at my stained t-shirt and say "what time do we need to go?" to which she replies "6:30" (it's 6:20). I decide to bail on that obligation so I can finish up dinner, clean up my huge mess, and EAT because by this time I'm about to pass out. She shoots me a look that melts me with equal parts guilt and resentment and leaves with the neighbors.

I finally sit down to enjoy this "feast" I've set before my family. I find myself getting angrier and angrier with each mouthful. My day did NOT go as planned. My yummy, hot, hearty soup was a grey, thin, watery mess. But the peanut butter/nutella/walnut concoction is surprisingly good and I bite off all my nails to deal with my stress. I still don't feel much better about my day - guess I set my expectations too high again. Oops. Lucky for me, now I'm too tired to care.

Lock it up!

As I type this, my husband is installing a lock on our bedroom door. Not just your typical push lock that can be easily picked with a bobby pin, no this is an actual KEY lock. And it's really sad it's come to this but desperate times call for desperate measures. My kids have become way too comfortable using my room, my clothing and my makeup. They come in whenever they please, take whatever clothing items they want without asking, use my makeup, take the conditioner out of my shower and don't return it, use hairbrushes, hair dryer and flat iron and leave them out, or with hair covering them. They help themselves to our computers and lay in our bed while using them, or lounge in our bed while watching TV. We've asked nicely for them to ask permission, or to not use things in the first place - example - they have their own clothes, makeup, hair products, bedrooms - but their items are too messy, or too disorganized, or just plain missing because they don't take care of them, so they use mine. They run out of clean clothes because they're too lazy to do laundry, so they just "borrow" mine. Which means I won't see it again for months because it will remain crumpled up on their bedroom floor or will "travel" to their dad's house, in which case I may never see it again. It's maddening and there's only one solution - to disable their access. It's sad that it's come to this, really, they should respect boundaries, take care of their own things, put things away, keep up on their laundry. But instead, they use our room and all it's contents as a crutch.

I will really enjoy coming home to know my bed has remained made, no kids were sitting on it in their dirty school clothes, my computer will not have a DVD in it's drive that I did not watch, my closet won't have empty hangers in it, and my shower will remain stocked. I'm not looking forward to having to carry a key to enter my own room, but it's a small price to pay to send the message - KEEP OUT! I think I deserve one place in the house that is not constantly being messed up by kids. There's nothing wrong with asking to borrow things. And when one does borrow something, one returns it - in good condition. That's a lesson they'll have to learn at someone else's expense. For me, I'm putting it under lock and key.

Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve. That time of year when we shed all the bad of the past year and look forward to the good to come in the following year. We make resolutions and keep them for about five seconds. We make plans to be reborn into some amazing, fabulous, formerly skinny person we once knew and loved. But you know what? The new year is just that - a new year. It's the same you! And while it's nice to have a milestone with which to measure your progress or success on a past promise you made to yourself, nothing magical is going to happen this year just because you made a statement on Jan. 1.

For one thing, most people spend the last day of the year staying up until the wee hours drinking too much. Maybe you'll start there. Maybe this year you won't even stay up until midnight, and who cares? What, you're going to miss the ball dropping in Times Square or the fireworks in your city? YouTube it later. Maybe this is your chance to get some sleep. Or perhaps you'll choose not to drink to excess or drink at all. So what? Wine, beer, sparkling cider.......you can be just as "festive" with a Pepsi.  Maybe tomorrow you'll resolve to get on the treadmill or cut out carbs, or give up your morning latte. Good for you! It's always great to strive toward being healthier, but you can do that any and every day of the year. If you're spending the evening with friends and family, kudos to you. Nothing is more important in life than our relationships with those we love and care about. Oh, and please don't drink and drive! Please!

Instead of a neatly compiled list of things you think you'll do this year (and probably won't), instead of setting yourself up for failure and feeling horrible on Dec. 31 next year because you didn't lose 50 lbs or stop smoking or start a new business or get better grades, maybe you could resolve to not resolve. I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions, because I think you can make changes any old time you want to. And they don't always have to be big goals. Sure, training for a marathon might be someone's cup of tea (me, I'd rather have the cup of tea), but a "new you" in the new year can start with the smallest of intentions and actions.

- once a day, at least, say out loud to someone that you love them
- if you see something that needs to be picked up, cleaned up or put away, just do it
- make your bed. It looks nice and makes the rest of your life seem more organized than it really is.
- use the pretty soap and scented candles. Don't "save them" for something special. Today is special.
- get some exercise. If you hate exercise, just go for a walk. Even ten minutes outside can make you feel a million times better.
- have dessert sometimes
- take a nap whenever you can and don't feel the least bit guilty about it
- if you can afford it, give generously. If you can't, give your time.
- spend some time with a kid and don't rush through it. Really enjoy it without thinking of all the things you need to get done.
- take the time to make your food pretty and eat it off a nice plate. Why rush through eating? Eating is awesome!
- make time to see friends, new and old. Even just an hour over coffee to catch up is a connection.
- entertain at your home. Who cares if it's old or if the carpets need cleaned or your lawn is weedy? Inviting people over makes them feel great. Your friends want to see YOU, not your house.
- pay your bills on time
- don't overspend. Paying off for months what was fun for a few hours, days or week, is never worth it.
- do what you love. Take time to make or do the things you enjoy.
- every day, when you wake up, look at your bedroom ceiling and be grateful for how lucky you are that you have a bed, a home, food, water, friends, a job, school, children, whatever it is you have that feeds your soul.
- if you're hurting, reach out. Ask for help. We're all flawed. Not everyone will judge you. Most people will be happy to share their shortcomings and help you work through yours.
- know that you're amazing. Bask in it. There's only one you and how lucky for everyone who gets to know you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Something to clean.......

This morning I thanked my husband profusely (there might have been tears) for cleaning our bathroom. It was long overdue and just yesterday morning I looked at it and thought "disgusting". If I were to use this bathroom in someone else's home, I'd be appalled. Yet, in my own home, I let it slide. Why? Anyway, great minds think alike (and apparently some of them actually put those thoughts into action) and my wonderful husband cleaned our bathroom last night (yes, he ruined another shirt with bleach but let's put petty things aside...). I was thrilled and wanted to express my gratitude so I gave him a big hug and a "thank you". He then replied "give me something to clean every day - if I do one thing each day, you know, leave it better than when I found it, then things will shape up around here." And, of course, my first thought was WTF? Am I not doing a good enough job keeping this house clean? (No!). But then I got over myself and suggested some things that desperately need a thorough cleaning. Among them, all three (yes, three!) refrigerators need a deep cleaning, the hardwood floors may contain deadly bacteria, and the pantry is stuffed full with various half-eaten packages of food products and an embarrassing amount of dog hair (the kids don't seem to remember the pantry floor when vacuuming). My husband just looked at me with a grimace and said, "yeah, that's not really what I was thinking" then proceeded to tell me he liked to "transform" things so they were obviously changed! Like cleaning our room. He went to town one day recently and "cleaned" our room, which really just meant rearranging and stowing my various crafts and hundreds of photos into other places. I will never find them now, which is probably just as well, because we all know I'm never going to scrapbook seventeen years' worth of my kids' photos.

His favorite "cleaning" project is the garage. Now, I have never understood men in that regard. My ex-husband used to busy himself cleaning the garage when we were planning for a party. Why? No one goes in the garage when you're hosting a party! Who wants to see your twenty Rubbermaid boxes of Christmas decorations? But for some reason, this is how he found himself "useful" and so I'd have a clean garage and be inside frantically wrestling children and trying to keep the dogs off the freshly mopped hardwoods. Go figure. Jeff enjoys cleaning the garage combined with a weight workout. He will do a rep of weights, then go around reorganizing our junk, then do another rep of weights. Never mind that there's a Pepsi can in the dog kennel amongst the many blankets they've chewed holes in and have now claimed as their own. That's been sitting in there for months, but the dozen or so softballs no one ever plays with are neatly tucked into their own little cubby.

I can't complain, though. Ninety percent of the time, he's the one cleaning up the really disgusting things like dog barf and poop. Just last night, he and the carpet cleaner became reacquainted at 4 a.m. when Shade decided to deposit the remnants of the last three days' worth of Christmas candy he's consumed (wrappers and all!) on our bedroom carpet. But we all had to pitch in with the pet indiscretion yesterday. For some reason, yesterday the pets decided the world was their toilet. I returned from yoga to find barf in the garage and office and poop in the family room and upstairs hallway. Everyone excpet Hannah ended up cleaning a portion of that. But she got hers - in the evening Georgette decided to drop a turd on the kitchen floor in the middle of a movie party. Nice. Hannah got that one.

Cleaning around here is never-ending and often feels like a futile effort. The only way things stay clean is when the kids are not here and lately there's ALWAYS a kid here. This week, for example, my kids were supposed to be with their dad all week. Arlie is in Spokane, so I was looking forward to a nice long week of a clean house, time to do projects, read my book, shop in peace, etc. But no. They've been here every day, having parties and creating a mess in their wake, not unlike Pig Pen's cloud of dust. And so we clean. And they mess it up. And they sometimes clean it up (although not without an eye roll or extended sigh), and the cycle continues.

So, while Jeff's "clean one thing a day" sounds like an ideal plan, it will never surmount the growing monster of clutter, trash and grime that follows a family of six. It's inescapable, and oftentimes feels like a preview for an episode of "Hoarders". But we keep cleaning and staying a half a step ahead of the chaos. And, by golly, my bathroom is clean right now so I'm going to thoroughly bask in the sparkling porcelain while I can because it might be weeks before I see the elusive gleam again.

Thank God for......

It's Christmas eve and I'm up early. Of course, I've remembered a few things I still need to do/get before tomorrow and am planning my trip to the store as I write this. And reading people's Facebook posts about cleaning and wrapping and frantically getting ready for big family celebrations made me wistful for a big family celebration. But this year it's just us - the six of us - alone on Christmas. I used to think that would be the WORST feeling, to not have any family around to celebrate on Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other holiday. But then I learned the worst feeling is not having your kids around. Thank God I get them back for Christmas eve and day. I've lived in fear of the "kid-free" Christmas since my divorce and so far, it hasn't happened. Lucky for me, their dad and I are always able to work something out. And the kids WANT to be here on Christmas. But reading about how others are celebrating with big, extended family celebrations always makes me a little sad. Sure, I don't have to clean as thoroughly or cook for hours or wrap extra presents, but I'd still rather have a big, crazy, chaotic family celebration with my extended family.

It's easy to focus on what we DON'T have at Christmas - enough money, family to celebrate with, time to shop, wrap, cook, bake - and I'm just as guilty at the next person of focusing too much on the "stuff" of Christmas rather than the spirit of Christmas. I spend HOURS shopping and choosing the presents for my kids that both fit my budget and their desire. I always go over my budget and end up with a stress stomachache about it. I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about fitting everything in - the requisite cookie baking and decorating, the drive to see holiday lights, the parties, ordering the Christmas jammies, etc. More than anything I worry about the TIME I spend with my kids now that I have to share them.

I do believe Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and all that, but hey, even he got gifts, so there's that. But more than the Christmas story about Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus, for me, Christmas embodies a time spent with the people you love the most and being grateful for what you DO have. We've had a rough year financially, even to the point of nearly losing our house, and I've felt an enormous amount of guilt for not being able to give my kids the experiences of their peers. But it's so trivial compared to knowing what we DO have. A loving family, time to spend with them, good times and a lot of laughter. That gets us through every single day and I'd rather laugh a hundred times a day than have a hundred dollars every day.

I love hearing about people's Christmas traditions. Groups of women getting together to bake a certain cookie or make a certain traditional treat. Women-only shopping trips that include a special Christmas show or event. Ugly sweater parties. Seeing The Nutcracker. Visiting Santa. We have some traditions of our own, that have evolved through the years and through the blessing of our blended family. For one, building a "fort" in Harrison's room is standard. We even have the material for the "tent" part of it - and ironically, it's a giant tablecloth from my first wedding (we got ink on it and had to buy it from the rental company! I never thought we'd find a use for it!). We MUST buy chocolate Advent calendars before Dec. 1. And fill our adorable Advent house that Mimi bought us with chocolate treats for every day in December leading up to the 25th. Everyone gets new Christmas jammies and they have to arrive early in the month so we can bask in the adorableness of them all month long. We decorate the same $12 tree each year that I bought on sale 90% off early one January. We hang artwork the kids created in kindergarten. We get a new ornament each, sometimes going on a special trip to pick them out, sometimes being surprised by mommy. We drive around to look at lights. We decorate sugar cookies - sure, this year I ran out of time and bought those ridiculous pre-cut ones, but STILL. We count down the days till Christmas (the kids with anticipation, me with "how many shopping days" mentality). And Christmas day comes........we film the kids coming downstairs to see what Santa brought, we unwrap the gifts under the tree, then we empty stockings. Later, we sit around amongst paper, candy wrappers, and way too much commercial packaging with that slightly stunned "that's it?" look on our faces because it's all over so early, and the anticipation always beats the actual event by a long shot. But still..........

We all get that blessed day where the main focus is on those you love. And we're truly blessed that we're healthy, have a beautiful home, lots of friends, a good life. Merry Christmas to all!

Wrap it up!

I hate, nay, HATE wrapping gifts. I mean, I love shopping for and GIVING gifts. Just not wrapping them. For one thing, it's pretty stupid. Here, I'm going to buy you a gift, then I'm going to trap it in some outrageously expensive paper and use lots of tape so it will take you some time to open it, during which time you will rip said expensive paper and toss it on the ground. Huh?


Of course, most of the time, wrapping is confined to a smattering of birthdays scattered throughout the year so it's not a big deal. By the time another birthday rolls around, you've pretty much forgotten that you spent $15 on a birthday gift and $10 on paper goods to wrap it in, and you're ready to do it all over again. But Christmas is another story.


Millions of dollars are made each year on Christmas goods and wrapping paper, bags, tissue, tape and ribbon are a good portion of that. Because we need a crap ton of it! All those presents we've been buying since September? Someone's gotta wrap them. By someone I mean, ME. So, why do I put it off till the last minute EVERY SINGLE YEAR? Because, frankly, I do not enjoy it. Oh, sure the first few gifts are fun. I especially enjoy the nice, symmetrical boxes that can be wrapped with sharp corners and pleasing precision, then tied up with a decorative bow (store bought stick on bows? Hell no! My mother taught me better than that!). I might even include a decorative ornament or sprig of greenery on the first gift or two. But then the novelty wears off. Pretty soon, the corners aren't so neat, the stick-on bows come out (sorry, Mom!), and eventually I resort to gift bags - the holy grail of all gift wrapping haters everywhere. Stuff it in a bag! Throw some tissue on top! So much for peeking.

Last year I tried to make the wrapping day (also known as Christmas Eve, but who's keeping track?) more festive by moving the wrapping supplies into my bedroom so I could shut the door and keep it all under wraps (haha, I'm punny!). I popped in a movie, got myself a drink and some snacks and set up for what was sure to be an epically fun day of wrapping up my lovingly chosen gifts for my family. Or not. For one thing, have you ever tried to watch a movie while wrapping gifts? You can't do both! You must actually LOOK at the package you're wrapping, thereby NOT looking at the movie. It was very distracting. Also, besides the fact that I tried to set up my wrapping station comfortably, by about hour three I was cramped and uncomfortable and my back was killing me. I was sick to death of making loopy bows and picking out just the right gift tag to match the paper.


And today is December 21 and I have not wrapped a single gift. Not one. I'm sure our tree screams "no presents this year, kids!" when visitors stop by. But if I wrap and put them all out, where's the magic on Christmas morning when the barren tree becomes a virtual wonderland of Santa-covered paper and hastily tied bows? Who cares if it looks like aisle 14 at Wal Mart with all those gift bags lined up like so many groceries? It's AMAZING - gifts spilling out as far as the eye can see.

I always wondered why my mom was so tired on Christmas morning. She'd sit, bleary-eyed through the opening of gifts then pretty soon she would disappear to take a nap. Sheesh, I'd think, mom sure doesn't like Christmas as much as we do! Well, duh! Mom spent the entire night up wrapping our gifts (ok, and having a little drinkie poo or seven), and by morning she had a full-on gift wrapping hangover.

I always vow this year it will be different. I'll shop, come home, and wrap my purchases right away. HA! That has never happened, and probably never will. And besides, I've still got four days to wrap it up.

Bad Santa

The other day while I was at Border's, waiting in line to purchase a few items (and use my amazing coupons), I became one of the suckers who makes an impulse purchase from the many, many enticing displays they put in the "waiting in line" area so you'll spend another $10 or $137 on more books/games/plastic bracelets. My purchase was a book called "Sketchy Santas". Of course I bought it, because a. I'm always up for a sarcastic book and b. it had the word "sketchy" in it. Basically this is a book about bad mall santas and contains numerous photographs of sketchy-looking Santas with highly distressed children. And while it's hilarious, I can't help but think - WHY?

Why do we take our kids to these horrible, fake-beard mall Santas and wait in line for hours to get a picture of them looking at best uncomfortable and at worst holy-shit-get-me-out-of-here-and-I-swear-I'll-never-wake-you-up-at-6-am terrified? Because I don't know about you, but I really don't want my lasting Christmas memories to include a series of photos of my child at different ages crying on the lap of a stranger. Sure, some kids actually LIKE these mall Santas and will willingly pose with a big smile, while they brush Santa's fake, plastic beard hair out of their faces. But most of the younger set will have spent hours in line, crying, whining and distressed, only to be placed on the lap of a stranger who smells like "beef and cheese" (apologies to Will Ferrell), only to realize, with terror, that their beloved parents, their absolute safety net, have abandoned them to a minute or two of sheer terror upon the lap of a strange man.

Don't we spend agonizing amounts of time and effort teaching our children to be wary of strangers? Would we let our children sit upon the lap of a homeless man downtown if he offered her a candy cane? I think not. So, why do we force this Santa "tradition" on our kids year after year (therapy, anyone?). We go through an agonizing day of "going to see Santa" which probably involves an expensive dress for the child, a bribe or two, lunch at an expensive mall venue, then the inevitable dragging of said child to the car to get home so she can nap, for the love of GOD!

Lucky for me, I never had to force this Santa "tradition" on my kids. I have but a small handful of fake Santa photos where the kids willingly posed with the jolly old elf, but for the most part, we saved Santa photos for the REAL DEAL. And we all know who that is.

Tis the season.......and nothing changes......

So, here it is, Christmas almost and I haven't blogged for a month. What the heck? I mean, yeah, I'm busy. Everyone's busy. But sometimes "busy" is a relative term. Borderline insane comes to mind. I'm waking up before 5 a.m. with my mind spinning - things to do, stuff to buy, money to worry about, memories to make. And I even got to take a pass on some holiday rituals. Decorating, for example - Arlie and Harrison did it ALL including the tree. I was amused (and a tiny bit smug) with their placement of certain items (exactly like I do it), and pleased with their own spin on things. I didn't go around "fixing" things because nothing needed fixed. They did such a great job, and it made me a little bit sad to know they are so independent already. Then, Hayley wrote the Christmas letter so that job was off for me. Which was also nice! However, I am definitely the main shopper, decider, wrapper, etc. and that job is HUGE. I honestly do not know how I would have done everything I've done up to this point if I were working full time. Thank God for the internet, I guess. I've even ventured to the mall on a couple of occasions, which I HATE. But most of the shopping is done, I've been busy in the kitchen making sweet treats and I've shipped off all the packages (to the tune of WAY to many dollars!). We have a slew of Christmas movies I've yet to watch with the kids, in our holiday jammies, eating treats. That's on "the list". I've yet to make sugar cookies for an evening of messy decorating (also on the list). I'm really craving my annual holiday homemade Bailey's but have yet to venture to a liquor store for the ingredients (also on the list). Every year I feel like I missed doing a ton of stuff I've wanted to do and I'm in a race to cram it all in before the kids go off to their other parents' homes for their half of the winter vacation. The kids themselves are crazy busy with rehearsals, homework, concerts so that we are hardly all home at the same time. Tomorrow is the last day of school before the break. It's also my birthday. I'm really looking forward to having time to just hang out with my family, and be DONE - done with shopping, baking, shipping, packaging, cleaning, food preparing and wrapping. Which reminds me - I have not wrapped a single present. AAUUGGHH!!!